Turds of Dune
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- DuneFishUK
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Turds of Dune
Tales of Dune is released - and the first 11 pages of the new and exciting young Paul story are free to view!
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/66430" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
(I like the font they use on the cover - cheeky fucker. You know he did it on purpose.)
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/66430" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
(I like the font they use on the cover - cheeky fucker. You know he did it on purpose.)
- http://www.kullwahad.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - http://dunefont.kullwahad.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; -
- Sev
- Posts: 313
- Joined: 05 Mar 2009 11:51
- Location: Peterborough, UK
Re: Turds of Dune
That was complete and utter crap - mind you, I wasn't expecting it to be otherwise. So "Wedding Sick" isn't really a brand new Dune short story - it's a bloody out-take from "Pile of Duds." That last section was truly dire, confronted with thousands of ravenous falcon-moth larvae, what do the four mouseketeers do? - run, or start skewering them?
And the less said about his dreaming of giant worms, the better...
PITIFUL STUFF.
addition: And there are still grammatical errors and mis-spelled words - So much for Keith's editing abilities.
And the less said about his dreaming of giant worms, the better...
PITIFUL STUFF.
addition: And there are still grammatical errors and mis-spelled words - So much for Keith's editing abilities.
Freakzilla - "Apparently we can only aspire to be the 13th biggest Dune fan since we are not family or in the HLP."
Byron - "Are you trying to irk me?"
Byron - "Are you trying to irk me?"
- lotek
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: 28 Jul 2009 08:33
Re: Turds of Dune
a brief appearance and a quick photoshop, as usual I suck at identifying fonts !
Spice is the worm's gonads.
- Freakzilla
- Lead Singer and Driver of the Winnebego
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Re: Turds of Dune
Nice lake they've got there on Arrakis.
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman
- Hunchback Jack
- Posts: 1983
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Re: Turds of Dune
"Uncollected"? Wasn't Sea Child in one of the paperback editions of The Road to Dune?
Edited to add: and "Treasure in the Sand" appeared in a paperback edition of Hunters of Dune. I'm not sure if that qualifies as being "collected",but it certainly has been published in book form before. (End Edit)
I wonder if this is a desperate attempt by KJA to retain some customer interest in his Dune fanfic until Shysterhood comes out next year.
HBJ
Edited to add: and "Treasure in the Sand" appeared in a paperback edition of Hunters of Dune. I'm not sure if that qualifies as being "collected",but it certainly has been published in book form before. (End Edit)
I wonder if this is a desperate attempt by KJA to retain some customer interest in his Dune fanfic until Shysterhood comes out next year.
HBJ
"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
- Carl Sagan
I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
- Iain Banks
- Carl Sagan
I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
- Iain Banks
- Hunchback Jack
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 30 May 2008 15:02
- Location: California, USA
Re: Turds of Dune
Sorry for the double-post, but even the first "sentence" of Wedding Silk is full of fail.
HBJ
So, let's see:Paul watched his mother in the withdrawing room of the Ecaz palace, Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled, not at all troubled about being left alone, and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.
Should be a full stop at the end of that sentence.Paul watched his mother in the withdrawing room of the Ecaz palace,
Okay.Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled,
Unruffled, then, I suppose.not at all troubled about being left alone,
Right. Unruffled. Being that she was, you know, stoic. Got it.and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.
HBJ
"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
- Carl Sagan
I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
- Iain Banks
- Carl Sagan
I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
- Iain Banks
- DuneFishUK
- Posts: 1991
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Re: Turds of Dune
Who needs an editor
- http://www.kullwahad.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - http://dunefont.kullwahad.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; -
- lotek
- Posts: 5784
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- JustSomeGuy
- Posts: 791
- Joined: 26 Feb 2011 03:02
Re: Turds of Dune
Freakzilla wrote:Nice lake they've got there on Arrakis.
There's gotta be something to sucker people in. I'm sure we all hoped for the best when House Atreides came out. Hunter's of Dune was written using Frank Herbert's notes! This book uses the Dune font on the cover!DuneFishUK wrote:(I like the font they use on the cover - cheeky fucker. You know he did it on purpose.)
Fuck that shit! I'm not going for it.
I bring nothing to the table.
- SandChigger
- KJASF Ground Zero
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Re: Turds of Dune
Just downloaded the sample onto my iPad and had a quick peek it.
Meter-long man-eating caterpillars?
Um... there were enormous insects on Earth in the past (the prehistoric, ANCIENT-in-geological-time-terms past) but IIRC the atmosphere was thicker and had a much higher oxygen content, making it possible for such insects to breathe. The reason we don't have bugs that big now is that, lacking lungs, they couldn't sufficiently oxygenate their tissues. (I trust someone with more knowledge of biology will correct me if I'm getting this wrong.)
Of course, this is an alien planet with alien insects. Maybe they have little lungs that oxygenate their blood?
Shitty rip-off. Not worth the price.
(And yes, the other two stories have appeared in print before.)
Meter-long man-eating caterpillars?
Um... there were enormous insects on Earth in the past (the prehistoric, ANCIENT-in-geological-time-terms past) but IIRC the atmosphere was thicker and had a much higher oxygen content, making it possible for such insects to breathe. The reason we don't have bugs that big now is that, lacking lungs, they couldn't sufficiently oxygenate their tissues. (I trust someone with more knowledge of biology will correct me if I'm getting this wrong.)
Of course, this is an alien planet with alien insects. Maybe they have little lungs that oxygenate their blood?
Shitty rip-off. Not worth the price.
(And yes, the other two stories have appeared in print before.)
"Let the dead give water to the dead. As for me, it's NO MORE FUCKING TEARS!"
- Freakzilla
- Lead Singer and Driver of the Winnebego
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Re: Turds of Dune
Shouldn't be any clouds, either.
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman
- JustSomeGuy
- Posts: 791
- Joined: 26 Feb 2011 03:02
Re: Turds of Dune
Freakzilla wrote:Shouldn't be any clouds, either.
Ah, ha, ha! The clouds! You know what else? Those mountains aren't that tall, but their tops are covered in snow! I live in a desert, at the foot of some mountains that look to be about the same height, and have never seen that much cover. What I have seen occurs during the deep of winter (if it even happens)- it is very light and is there only for a few hours. It's gone soon after the sun comes up. More like frost. Now I'm just nitpicking.
I bring nothing to the table.
- JustSomeGuy
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Re: Turds of Dune
Those mountains don't look that tall (to me) because of the thick shoreline. I could be wrong. They could be ultra-tall, and that lake could be fucking HUGE. Also, I'm not a meteorologist. Nitpicking.
I bring nothing to the table.
- merkin muffley
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Re: Turds of Dune
That is such shit.Hunchback Jack wrote:Okay.Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled,
Unruffled, then, I suppose.not at all troubled about being left alone,
Right. Unruffled. Being that she was, you know, stoic. Got it.and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.
HBJ
- TheDukester
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Re: Turds of Dune
So, let me get this straight: we're in agreement that Jessica was stoic, unruffled, not troubled, and unbothered, right?
That might be the single-worst sentence ever written in English. I'm dead serious.
At this point, we can only be grateful that Keith was determined to be a writer and not a surgeon.
That might be the single-worst sentence ever written in English. I'm dead serious.
At this point, we can only be grateful that Keith was determined to be a writer and not a surgeon.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.
- Sev
- Posts: 313
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- Location: Peterborough, UK
Re: Turds of Dune
Now that we've thoroughly annihilated that sentence for the shite that it is - I'll add another observation. If Paul is watching his mother, and they then have a conversation, then...The Hacks wrote:Paul watched his mother in the withdrawing room of the Ecaz palace, Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled, not at all troubled about being left alone, and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.
SHE. ISN'T. ALONE.
Freakzilla - "Apparently we can only aspire to be the 13th biggest Dune fan since we are not family or in the HLP."
Byron - "Are you trying to irk me?"
Byron - "Are you trying to irk me?"
- Nekhrun
- Icelandic Wiener
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Re: Turds of Dune
Sounds like another contest. Find the worst sentence in all of McDune! I'm willing to look back at some of my own reviews or even look at some lines at random, but I'll never go over those books again.TheDukester wrote:So, let me get this straight: we're in agreement that Jessica was stoic, unruffled, not troubled, and unbothered, right?
That might be the single-worst sentence ever written in English. I'm dead serious.
At this point, we can only be grateful that Keith was determined to be a writer and not a surgeon.
Maybe we could divide up the books so no one has to spend too much time on it. I do think it would be funny enough to pick out some of the worst though.
"If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos
Happy Memorial Day everyone! -James C. Harwood
"Three of my videos have over 100 views."
"Over 500 views for my 'Open Question' video." -Nebiros
Happy Memorial Day everyone! -James C. Harwood
"Three of my videos have over 100 views."
"Over 500 views for my 'Open Question' video." -Nebiros
- Nekhrun
- Icelandic Wiener
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Re: Turds of Dune
Here are some from Sandworms of Dune:
Page 110 A laugh that sounded like vinegar.
Page 161 It was spreading antiflood.
I just happened to have those lying around.
Page 110 A laugh that sounded like vinegar.
Page 161 It was spreading antiflood.
I just happened to have those lying around.
"If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos
Happy Memorial Day everyone! -James C. Harwood
"Three of my videos have over 100 views."
"Over 500 views for my 'Open Question' video." -Nebiros
Happy Memorial Day everyone! -James C. Harwood
"Three of my videos have over 100 views."
"Over 500 views for my 'Open Question' video." -Nebiros
- lotek
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: 28 Jul 2009 08:33
Re: Turds of Dune
A laugh that sounded like vinegar.Nekhrun wrote:Here are some from Sandworms of Dune:
Page 110 A laugh that sounded like vinegar.
Page 161 It was spreading antiflood.
I just happened to have those lying around.
A prose that smelled like fart
It was spreading antiflood.
It that a period joke ?
Spice is the worm's gonads.
- trang
- Posts: 1224
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Re: Turds of Dune
More from these two? they have made enough from the other wrecks they have written, why can they leave it alone?
They have that hellhole series now, KJA has his own crap series hes doing. I have no idea what brian does, maybe just sits in an easy chair, colors with crayons, and sips whiskey?
They have that hellhole series now, KJA has his own crap series hes doing. I have no idea what brian does, maybe just sits in an easy chair, colors with crayons, and sips whiskey?
"Long Live the Fighters", "Dragon.....the other white meat."
- JustSomeGuy
- Posts: 791
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Re: Turds of Dune
trang wrote:I have no idea what brian does, maybe just sits in an easy chair, colors with crayons, and sips whiskey?
He seems like the slobbering type. Maybe he gets slobbering drunk.
I bring nothing to the table.
- Ampoliros
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Re: Turds of Dune
I thought about a game/challenge: Open to a random page in McDune and find a continuity error.
Attempt 1 House Harkonnen: Page 279
Minor: No landmarks, so he uses coordinates to fly the ornithopter. Through a mountain range.
Attempt 2 Sandworms of Dune: Page 377
Baby Leto mentions that the Golden Path is coming to meet him, and its time to release the worms! Its suggested that the Golden Path is the sand dumping out of the cargo hold releasing the worms to fight in the machine city.
(The Golden Path was realized with the scattering, and isn't coming to meet anyone. It had very little to do with worms at all.)
Attempt 1 House Harkonnen: Page 279
Minor: No landmarks, so he uses coordinates to fly the ornithopter. Through a mountain range.
Attempt 2 Sandworms of Dune: Page 377
Baby Leto mentions that the Golden Path is coming to meet him, and its time to release the worms! Its suggested that the Golden Path is the sand dumping out of the cargo hold releasing the worms to fight in the machine city.
(The Golden Path was realized with the scattering, and isn't coming to meet anyone. It had very little to do with worms at all.)
Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus
- SandChigger
- KJASF Ground Zero
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Re: Turds of Dune
Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?
If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June.
If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June.
-
- Administrator
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Re: Turds of Dune
This will be the one were we try to write real fanfic and show that we, fans, are better writers than the hacks, no?SandChigger wrote:Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?
If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June.
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."
“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”
Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."
“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”
Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."
- trang
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Re: Turds of Dune
Fanfic would be fun, but not needed to prove most folks on this board are better writers than the twits. Most folks who post here are more articulate and their posts have better prose than the 700+ page monstrosities written by the twits.Serkanner wrote:This will be the one were we try to write real fanfic and show that we, fans, are better writers than the hacks, no?SandChigger wrote:Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?
If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June.
I dont consider myself in the group of posters who are better than them, but when I get out of this financial funk, I plan to go back to school for fun, and learn the skills for writing. Lots of ideas in my head, problem being, when they come out, its like boulders bouncing down a hill.
"Long Live the Fighters", "Dragon.....the other white meat."