Turds of Dune

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DuneFishUK
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Turds of Dune

Postby DuneFishUK » 13 Jun 2011 15:00

Tales of Dune is released - and the first 11 pages of the new and exciting young Paul story are free to view!

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/66430

(I like the font they use on the cover - cheeky fucker. You know he did it on purpose.)

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Sev
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Sev » 13 Jun 2011 16:00

That was complete and utter crap - mind you, I wasn't expecting it to be otherwise. So "Wedding Sick" isn't really a brand new Dune short story - it's a bloody out-take from "Pile of Duds." :doh: That last section was truly dire, confronted with thousands of ravenous falcon-moth larvae, what do the four mouseketeers do? - run, or start skewering them? :puke:

And the less said about his dreaming of giant worms, the better...

PITIFUL STUFF.

addition: And there are still grammatical errors and mis-spelled words - So much for Keith's editing abilities.
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lotek
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby lotek » 13 Jun 2011 16:16

a brief appearance and a quick photoshop, as usual I suck at identifying fonts !

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Freakzilla
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Freakzilla » 13 Jun 2011 16:24

Nice lake they've got there on Arrakis.
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Hunchback Jack
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Hunchback Jack » 13 Jun 2011 16:47

"Uncollected"? Wasn't Sea Child in one of the paperback editions of The Road to Dune?

Edited to add: and "Treasure in the Sand" appeared in a paperback edition of Hunters of Dune. I'm not sure if that qualifies as being "collected",but it certainly has been published in book form before. (End Edit)

I wonder if this is a desperate attempt by KJA to retain some customer interest in his Dune fanfic until Shysterhood comes out next year. :think:

HBJ
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I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
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Hunchback Jack
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Hunchback Jack » 13 Jun 2011 16:58

Sorry for the double-post, but even the first "sentence" of Wedding Silk is full of fail.

Paul watched his mother in the withdrawing room of the Ecaz palace, Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled, not at all troubled about being left alone, and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.


So, let's see:

Paul watched his mother in the withdrawing room of the Ecaz palace,


Should be a full stop at the end of that sentence.

Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled,


Okay.

not at all troubled about being left alone,


Unruffled, then, I suppose.

and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.


Right. Unruffled. Being that she was, you know, stoic. Got it.

:roll:

HBJ
"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
- Carl Sagan

I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
- Iain Banks

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DuneFishUK
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby DuneFishUK » 13 Jun 2011 17:10

:lol: Who needs an editor :P

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lotek
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby lotek » 13 Jun 2011 17:38

indeed :)
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JustSomeGuy
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby JustSomeGuy » 13 Jun 2011 17:40

Freakzilla wrote:Nice lake they've got there on Arrakis.


:doh:


DuneFishUK wrote:(I like the font they use on the cover - cheeky fucker. You know he did it on purpose.)


There's gotta be something to sucker people in. I'm sure we all hoped for the best when House Atreides came out. :doh: Hunter's of Dune was written using Frank Herbert's notes! :doh: This book uses the Dune font on the cover! :hand: :naughty:


Fuck that shit! I'm not going for it.
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby SandChigger » 14 Jun 2011 10:49

Just downloaded the sample onto my iPad and had a quick peek it.

Meter-long man-eating caterpillars?

Um... there were enormous insects on Earth in the past (the prehistoric, ANCIENT-in-geological-time-terms past) but IIRC the atmosphere was thicker and had a much higher oxygen content, making it possible for such insects to breathe. The reason we don't have bugs that big now is that, lacking lungs, they couldn't sufficiently oxygenate their tissues. (I trust someone with more knowledge of biology will correct me if I'm getting this wrong.)

Of course, this is an alien planet with alien insects. Maybe they have little lungs that oxygenate their blood? :roll:

Shitty rip-off. Not worth the price.

(And yes, the other two stories have appeared in print before.)
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

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Freakzilla
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Freakzilla » 14 Jun 2011 11:18

Shouldn't be any clouds, either. :doh:
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JustSomeGuy
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby JustSomeGuy » 14 Jun 2011 13:23

Freakzilla wrote:Shouldn't be any clouds, either. :doh:



Ah, ha, ha! The clouds! You know what else? Those mountains aren't that tall, but their tops are covered in snow! I live in a desert, at the foot of some mountains that look to be about the same height, and have never seen that much cover. What I have seen occurs during the deep of winter (if it even happens)- it is very light and is there only for a few hours. It's gone soon after the sun comes up. More like frost. Now I'm just nitpicking.
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JustSomeGuy
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby JustSomeGuy » 14 Jun 2011 13:33

Those mountains don't look that tall (to me) because of the thick shoreline. I could be wrong. They could be ultra-tall, and that lake could be fucking HUGE. Also, I'm not a meteorologist. Nitpicking.
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merkin muffley
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby merkin muffley » 17 Jun 2011 22:45

Hunchback Jack wrote:
Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled,


Okay.

not at all troubled about being left alone,


Unruffled, then, I suppose.

and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.


Right. Unruffled. Being that she was, you know, stoic. Got it.

:roll:

HBJ


:doh: :lol: That is such shit.
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby TheDukester » 19 Jun 2011 14:14

So, let me get this straight: we're in agreement that Jessica was stoic, unruffled, not troubled, and unbothered, right?

That might be the single-worst sentence ever written in English. I'm dead serious.

At this point, we can only be grateful that Keith was determined to be a writer and not a surgeon.
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Sev
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Sev » 19 Jun 2011 15:05

The Hacks wrote:Paul watched his mother in the withdrawing room of the Ecaz palace, Jessica seemed stoic and unruffled, not at all troubled about being left alone, and showing no sign that the situation bothered her.


Now that we've thoroughly annihilated that sentence for the shite that it is - I'll add another observation. If Paul is watching his mother, and they then have a conversation, then...

SHE. ISN'T. ALONE.

:doh:
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Nekhrun » 19 Jun 2011 15:18

TheDukester wrote:So, let me get this straight: we're in agreement that Jessica was stoic, unruffled, not troubled, and unbothered, right?

That might be the single-worst sentence ever written in English. I'm dead serious.

At this point, we can only be grateful that Keith was determined to be a writer and not a surgeon.

Sounds like another contest. Find the worst sentence in all of McDune! I'm willing to look back at some of my own reviews or even look at some lines at random, but I'll never go over those books again.

Maybe we could divide up the books so no one has to spend too much time on it. I do think it would be funny enough to pick out some of the worst though.
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Nekhrun
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Nekhrun » 19 Jun 2011 15:41

Here are some from Sandworms of Dune:

Page 110 A laugh that sounded like vinegar.

Page 161 It was spreading antiflood.

I just happened to have those lying around.
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lotek
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby lotek » 19 Jun 2011 16:51

Nekhrun wrote:Here are some from Sandworms of Dune:

Page 110 A laugh that sounded like vinegar.

Page 161 It was spreading antiflood.

I just happened to have those lying around.


A laugh that sounded like vinegar.
A prose that smelled like fart

It was spreading antiflood.
It that a period joke ?
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trang
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby trang » 19 Jun 2011 17:39

More from these two? they have made enough from the other wrecks they have written, why can they leave it alone?

They have that hellhole series now, KJA has his own crap series hes doing. I have no idea what brian does, maybe just sits in an easy chair, colors with crayons, and sips whiskey?
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby JustSomeGuy » 19 Jun 2011 19:52

trang wrote:I have no idea what brian does, maybe just sits in an easy chair, colors with crayons, and sips whiskey?



He seems like the slobbering type. Maybe he gets slobbering drunk.
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Ampoliros » 19 Jun 2011 20:13

I thought about a game/challenge: Open to a random page in McDune and find a continuity error.

Attempt 1 House Harkonnen: Page 279

Minor: No landmarks, so he uses coordinates to fly the ornithopter. Through a mountain range.

Attempt 2 Sandworms of Dune: Page 377

Baby Leto mentions that the Golden Path is coming to meet him, and its time to release the worms! Its suggested that the Golden Path is the sand dumping out of the cargo hold releasing the worms to fight in the machine city.

(The Golden Path was realized with the scattering, and isn't coming to meet anyone. It had very little to do with worms at all.)
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby SandChigger » 19 Jun 2011 23:55

Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?

If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June. ;)

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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby Serkanner » 20 Jun 2011 03:18

SandChigger wrote:Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?

If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June. ;)


This will be the one were we try to write real fanfic and show that we, fans, are better writers than the hacks, no?
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Re: Turds of Dune

Postby trang » 20 Jun 2011 07:51

Serkanner wrote:
SandChigger wrote:Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?

If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June. ;)


This will be the one were we try to write real fanfic and show that we, fans, are better writers than the hacks, no?


Fanfic would be fun, but not needed to prove most folks on this board are better writers than the twits. Most folks who post here are more articulate and their posts have better prose than the 700+ page monstrosities written by the twits.

I dont consider myself in the group of posters who are better than them, but when I get out of this financial funk, I plan to go back to school for fun, and learn the skills for writing. Lots of ideas in my head, problem being, when they come out, its like boulders bouncing down a hill.
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