Intercepted HLP Emails

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 03 Nov 2008 00:01

11/01/08: interoffice memo wrote: From: Kevin
To: Byron
RE: New Dune Board

It's come to my attention that you are incapable of running a simple message board.
In all fairness, this may be due to the complexity of the phpBB software and your
general lack of computer skills and knowledge. Therefore, from this day forward, the
Dunenovels.com Official Dune Forum will be presented to the public on an Etch-A-Sketch,
which I have re-termed The Dune-Sketch

Do not be alarmed at the daunting task of learning this new system. I have prepared a FAQ
that should cover all problems with the change-over.
**********************************************************************
Frequently Asked Questions for Dune-Sketch Technical Support:

Q: The Dune-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q. How do I turn my The Dune-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I create a new forum thread ?
A. Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I delete a thread that becomes embarrassing ?
A. Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I delete a post I don't understand on The Dune-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I delete an OHer post on The Dune-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I save a post from Arnoldo on the Dune-Sketch?
A: Don't shake it.

chanilover · Post by **chanilover** » 03 Nov 2008 14:33

Comb-Over dictates his emails to a wheelchair bound mutant (like on that film The Hills Have Eyes). She's his proof-reader and sounding board as well.

Sole Man · Post by **Sole Man** » 03 Nov 2008 15:47

You almost had me there for a second.

chanilover · Post by **chanilover** » 03 Nov 2008 18:03

It's true, Sloe Man. She's called Sue.

Rakis · Post by **Rakis** » 04 Nov 2008 00:07

SandRider, you have WAY too much free time...

Please, go on...

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 08 Nov 2008 00:28

From: Kevin
To: Sue
Date: 11/07/08
Re: My Memos

It's come to my attention that you have been editing my memos. This must stop immediately.
If I needed someone to proof-read something, I'd hire editors. Your job is to transcribe my
voice memos as I said them not ... what ?...fuck ... wait a minute....What Byron ? ....who
posted that ?.... that sonofabitch.....okay, just ban that little fucker and delete the post ...what ?
Well, I don't care, Byron, for chrissakes, just delete the whole goddamned thread. Quit
being such a pussy, Byron. Just do what I tell you.....what ? .... no, no, no ... look, I told you,
if you can just hold the goddamn board together until I can bribe that Kendrick fucker to take
it over, I'll let you do the GummiWorms of Dune coloring book....yeah, yeah, look quit
bitching or I'll give it to Simon. Shut up, Byron....Now where was I ? Oh, yeah...Your job
is to transcribe ....what ? ....oh, goddamn .... well, change his fucking diaper...just slap
him a few times, he'll quit crying....now...okay... Your job is to simply transcribe ...... what ?
Oh shit ! Look, Sue, I'll finish this later, Tom Cruise is on the phone ...........yessir ....
yessir, Mr. Cruise...... well, I'm doing the best I can .... look, it's not my fault ....of
course they're going to agree to cast you as Paul in the new movie .......

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 08 Nov 2008 03:14

It's so sad that that is so funny.

Mandy · Post by **Mandy** » 08 Nov 2008 16:37

That is great.

Tleszer · Post by **Tleszer** » 08 Nov 2008 19:22

Awesome.

Serkanner · Post by **Serkanner** » 09 Nov 2008 16:51

That is better then the entire atrocity series collected.

Hunchback Jack · Post by **Hunchback Jack** » 09 Nov 2008 22:09

That was hilarious. Clearly Sue is doing just what he asks.

If only the real books were written like that, it would be most entertaining.

HBJ

GamePlayer · Post by **GamePlayer** » 10 Nov 2008 14:58

It's kinda "ha ha" funny, but not really all that amusing

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 11 Nov 2008 10:49

To: Byron
From: Kevin
Date: 11/11/08
Re: Anal Cavity Capacity

It's come to my attention that you have exceeded the total amount of
Fanboys allowed up in your ass. Normally, this would not concern me,
as I'm a fairly liberal guy and what/who you allow up in there is your own
business.

However, as you yourself have also crawled all the way up in my ass,
I have to take into account who you bring with you. As you know, Brian
actually takes up more space that it would appear on first glance, plus I've
still got that dead Canadian bitch stuck in a bend of my large intestine. Until
I can figure out a way to release her death-grip on my colon, I'll need you to
expel some of your own baggage.

If it comes down to a choice between Arnoldo or Simon, ditch Simon;
he's actually been reading my books, and I fear he will soon start asking questions.

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 11 Nov 2008 10:55

Nah, he's along for "the ride", as long as "the run" is fun. Even if it is down a slippery slope.

(Definitely too much free time.

)

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 11 Nov 2008 11:00

semi-retirement's a beautiful thing - may you get some soon.
until I can walk again, all I have to do is sit here, drink, "surf the net",
and occasionally holler at the Mexicans over the radio about the livestock ....

Drunken Idaho · Post by **Drunken Idaho** » 11 Nov 2008 13:18

SandRider wrote:
To: Byron
From: Kevin
Date: 11/11/08
Re: Anal Cavity Capacity

It's come to my attention that you have exceeded the total amount of
Fanboys allowed up in your ass. Normally, this would not concern me,
as I'm a fairly liberal guy and what/who you allow up in there is your own
business.

However, as you yourself have also crawled all the way up in my ass,
I have to take into account who you bring with you. As you know, Brian
actually takes up more space that it would appear on first glance, plus I've
still got that dead Canadian bitch stuck in a bend of my large intestine. Until
I can figure out a way to release her death-grip on my colon, I'll need you to
expel some of your own baggage.

If it comes down to a choice between Arnoldo or Simon, ditch Simon;
he's actually been reading my books, and I fear he will soon start asking questions.

BAHAHAHAHAA

Oh boy.

chanilover · Post by **chanilover** » 11 Nov 2008 14:53

SandRider wrote:semi-retirement's a beautiful thing - may you get some soon.
until I can walk again, all I have to do is sit here, drink, "surf the net",
and occasionally holler at the Mexicans over the radio about the livestock ....

Perhaps you'll leap out of your wheelchair and start walking again like someone out of the New Testament.

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 12 Nov 2008 23:45

Kevin {or Sue} wrote:Oh shit ! Look, Sue, I'll finish this later, Tom Cruise is on the phone ...........yessir ....
yessir, Mr. Cruise...... well, I'm doing the best I can .... look, it's not my fault ....of
course they're going to agree to cast you as Paul in the new movie .......

I was fucking kidding. I had no idea.
http://www.sliceofscifi.com/2007/12/27/ ... commodity/
I'm scared .........

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 13 Nov 2008 04:56

A dwin ass alt? Huh?

Tleszer · Post by **Tleszer** » 13 Nov 2008 08:51

Well, it might not still hold true, since the article was dated December 2007. As of now the director of "Salt" may be Phillip Noyce.

Why does that synopsis sound familiar? Sounds like every other spy movie to me.

And SandRider, why the hate on Cruise. I would've thought that he'd be perfect for you HMs.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 13 Nov 2008 09:06

Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer both tested for the part of Paul Atreides [Dune, 1984].

http://www.duneinfo.com/arrakis/cast.asp

I think he would have been way better than Kyle McLaughlin and his Hair.

Lisan Al-Gaib · Post by **Lisan Al-Gaib** » 13 Nov 2008 10:51

Freakzilla wrote:Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer both tested for the part of Paul Atreides [Dune, 1984].

http://www.duneinfo.com/arrakis/cast.asp

I think he would have been way better than Kyle McLaughlin and his Hair.

I like Kyle's hair

It's very nerd.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 13 Nov 2008 10:56

Baraka Bryan wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer both tested for the part of Paul Atreides [Dune, 1984].

like a gom jabbar test?

To bad it wasn't since we all know they're both not human.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 13 Nov 2008 10:57

Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer both tested for the part of Paul Atreides [Dune, 1984].

http://www.duneinfo.com/arrakis/cast.asp

I think he would have been way better than Kyle McLaughlin and his Hair.
I like Kyle's hair

It's very nerd.

I bet the hat makers really hated him.

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 13 Nov 2008 11:55

Tleszer wrote:And SandRider, why the hate on Cruise ?

J A C U R U T U

Intercepted HLP Emails

Intercepted HLP Emails

on Sand rider's post

521/12

527/3