Keith J. Hackerson's DUNE BLOG / tehKJA's Blahg(kjablog.com)

[Nekhrun]

Yeah, if there was a thought bubble coming out of Keith's head in that picture, it would say, "I can't believe I had to buy a fucking suit!"

No way did he buy that suit. Someone probably had to tell him that if he didn't ditch the jacket then he had to wear what the rest of them were wearing then he compromised when they told him they'd buy him a suit.

[Freakzilla]

It's the jacket that gives him his bull-shitting power.

[SandRider]

I'll bet he was wearing it underneath the suitcoat .... does he look fatter than normal ?

[Freakzilla]

I'll bet he was wearing it underneath the suitcoat .... does he look fatter than normal ?

Now that you mention it...

[Sev]

Keith Tosspot is currently hawking his next Writing Seminar by boring everyone with his handy hints, yet again. This one cracks me up:

Writing Productivity Tip #4—DARE TO BE BAD (AT FIRST)…THEN FIX IT

Repeat after me: It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be finished.

It’s easier to FIX existing prose than it is to write perfect prose in the first place. The crucial step is to get it down on paper!

Your draft words or descriptions might be redundant. So what? They can be fixed later. 

 You might make grammatical mistakes. So what? Promise yourself you’ll fix them later—after you’ve got the story written.

But Keith, you don't fucking bother to fix it afterwards do you That's why all your works are cluttered with reduncancies, grammatical mistakes, and paper-thin dialogue and characterization. And this is after the initial spouting of perfect prose

After he'd spent six weeks, from start to finish, on an X-Files novel he claimed

Surprisingly, when I went back to the initial pages, fully intending to spend weeks on major editing and rewriting, I found that the constant, intense practice had taught me to produce crisp, fast-paced writing as compelling as if I’d spent hours agonizing over each page.

Actually Keith, I've heard that novel and, while it may be fast-paced, it most certainly isn't compelling - in fact it's just as much a huge steaming turd as everything else you've squirted out over the past however-many bloody years it is now...

What a complete twat you are.

[A Thing of Eternity]

Yeah, while that is totally common (and very correct) advice for writers, just get something down every day regardless of what you do with it later - KJA misses the crucial steps necessary to turn that gibberish into prose!

[Hunchback Jack]

Latest blog entry: Remember the Challenger disaster, and BUY MY BOOK!

This is a time to remember all those who have dedicated, and sometimes sacrificed, their lives to help the human race move forward, to develop materials, technology, and engineering methods that have improved our civilization.

For more than a decade, Rebecca and I have had the honor of working with June Scobee Rodgers, whose husband Dick Scobee was commander on the final flight of Challenger. June helped create the Challenger Centers for Space Science Education to continue the mission of promoting interest in science and technology among young people. Together, we have developed a series of novels for young readers, Star Challengers—which will encourage the next generation to see the importance of the space program.

[cover images]

The first two novels are currently available, Moonbase Crisis and Space Station Crisis, and a portion of the proceeds goes directly to the Challenger Centers. You can order from http://www.starchallengers.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;, or signed copies are available from http://www.anderzoneshop.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; (Space Station Crisis has just arrived and will be on the site in the next week.)

Quite the class act.

HBJ

[merkin muffley]

gross...

[Lundse]

Yeah, while that is totally common (and very correct) advice for writers, just get something down every day regardless of what you do with it later - KJA misses the crucial steps necessary to turn that gibberish into prose!

No, no. It just happened to turn out, that he was able to produce crisp, fast-paced and compelling writing without editing or any thought beyond "let get this baby down on paper, I've got a deadline".

To me, the whole KJA thing has become about writing and authors - comparing his and Frank's approaches and quotes on the subject is just hilarious

[Nekhrun]

Latest blog entry: Remember the Challenger disaster, and BUY MY BOOK!

This is a time to remember all those who have dedicated, and sometimes sacrificed, their lives to help the human race move forward, to develop materials, technology, and engineering methods that have improved our civilization.

For more than a decade, Rebecca and I have had the honor of working with June Scobee Rodgers, whose husband Dick Scobee was commander on the final flight of Challenger. June helped create the Challenger Centers for Space Science Education to continue the mission of promoting interest in science and technology among young people. Together, we have developed a series of novels for young readers, Star Challengers—which will encourage the next generation to see the importance of the space program.

The first two novels are currently available, Moonbase Crisis and Space Station Crisis, and a portion of the proceeds goes directly to the Challenger Centers. You can order from http://www.starchallengers.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;, or signed copies are available from http://www.anderzoneshop.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; (Space Station Crisis has just arrived and will be on the site in the next week.)

Quite the class act.

If you don't buy his book then the Challenger explosion wins.

[Kojiro]

You do love school teachers don't you?

[Nekhrun]

You do love school teachers don't you?

Actually, most of them bug the shit out of me.

[lotek]

and a portion of the proceeds goes directly to the Challenger Centers

You're too kind Oh Benevolent One !

[Nekhrun]

and a portion of the proceeds goes directly to the Challenger Centers

You're too kind Oh Benevolent One !

Yeah, I'd love to know more about this portion, and if kja writes it off his taxes. He probably thinks he's the one donating the money.

[Sev]

Another less than thrilling blog entry from the hack on why he loves Science Fiction - it seems he grew up in the middle of a vast cornfield, 300 km from the nearest library, whatever. But he closes with an inadvertent gem;

By now I have escaped that small town, but I haven’t even come close to the boundaries of what’s possible in science fiction.

You mean, write a classic that'll be remembered forty years later? Write something even vaguely good? Get nominated for a major award? It'll never happen, Keith, accept it now and quit whining.

Oh, and 'Smellhole' has been out in the U.K. for a whole week now, and is obviously flying off the shelves, as the Amazon rank is currently... 15,488 Wait a minute, that can't be right, Keith's an international best-selling author...

[merkin muffley]

Oh, and 'Smellhole' has been out in the U.K. for a whole week now, and is obviously flying off the shelves, as the Amazon rank is currently... 15,488 Wait a minute, that can't be right, Keith's an international best-selling author...

People don't give a shit about Tiber Adolphus and Diadem Douchenet? Shocking!

[TheDukester]

Jesus WEPT! More insight into what a truly, for-real, no-kidding-around FUCKED UP piece of shit Kevin J. Anderson is.

The absolute best part, by far:

Years later, when I was in a creative writing class in college, still in Wisconsin, I submitted science fiction short stories for critique while the other students turned in “creative writing class” stories (plotless things about characters discussing their crumbling relationships over the breakfast table). In exasperation, the professor (who had published a single novel and took it as a point of pride that he was five years late on his next novel deadline) asked me, “Anderson, why don’t you write about anything real? Why not do a story about a young man who grew up in a farming town who’s working his way through college as a waiter in a restaurant?” The suggestion appalled me. “Because I live that every day. Why would I want to write about a dull, regular life when there are so many more interesting stories to tell and places to describe?” I don’t think he understood my answer any more than I understood his question.

That's right, Keith, you go ahead and vent! That silly professor only had one book! And he was late on his next one! And those other students, with their "plotless things." How silly are they, right?

But now you're an International Best Selling Author™, Keith! And you've won lots ...

some ...

a few ...

like one runner-up thing, 15 years ago ...

... of awards!

You showed them all!

[merkin muffley]

Wow, he's really proud of being a hack. This combination of having complete contempt for writing, yet also being incredibly pretentious about himself, is disgusting, to say the least.

[Ampoliros]

I love how he actually lives and breathes his contempt for writers who don't "write" the way he does! How dare those "plotless things about characters discussing their crumbling relationships over the breakfast table" get higher marks than his Cyborg Sex Arena Deathmatch story!

EDIT: Oh and I think he understood your response Kev. I think he was suggesting that you actually write something that required you to put a human face on a character rather than an adjective.

Other famous characters from small farming communities: This list is to illustrate how writing about that 'boring, everyday' life can help you with writing the background for your protagonist:

Clark Kent aka Superman
Bilbo Baggins/Frodo Baggins
Rand al'Thor
Wesley "Farmboy" aka Dread Pirate Roberts
Conan
Luke Skywalker

ok ok those are all fantasy or sci-fantasy names. I know you call your writing 'sci-fi' (but really, it is science fantasy...) I'll admit I put them on the list because I could only come up with one meaningful name on the Sci-fi side of the list. Who would that be? Hmmm.

JAMES T. KIRK

Yeah, writing about a small farm community will have no use to you. Especially when your new series is about a population struggling to exist in a harsh climate. 'Cause its the future! And in the future all our nutrition will be provided by Ultra-Vending Machines!

[Hunchback Jack]

The absolute best part, by far:

Years later, when I was in a creative writing class in college, still in Wisconsin, I submitted science fiction short stories for critique while the other students turned in “creative writing class” stories (plotless things about characters discussing their crumbling relationships over the breakfast table). In exasperation, the professor (who had published a single novel and took it as a point of pride that he was five years late on his next novel deadline) asked me, “Anderson, why don’t you write about anything real? Why not do a story about a young man who grew up in a farming town who’s working his way through college as a waiter in a restaurant?” The suggestion appalled me. “Because I live that every day. Why would I want to write about a dull, regular life when there are so many more interesting stories to tell and places to describe?” I don’t think he understood my answer any more than I understood his question.

You nailed it, Dukester. The combination of contempt and jealously he displays here is just astonishing. And thirty years later, looking back on this episode, *he's learned nothing from it*. He still doesn't understand what the prof wanted from him, or why it might be of some value to him as a writer.

And how revealing is it about KJA himself, and why he's such a poor writer? The prof was trying to get him to observe the world around him, to write about his own experiences, to write something *of substance*. KJA was writing to escape - to run away - from the real world and the people in it. KJA can't create complex and realistic characters because he hates people. He can't write meaningful stories that address deep issues because he uses his fiction to avoid dealing with the real world.

And what was the point of this blog entry, anyway?

HBJ

[Kojiro]

And what was the point of this blog entry, anyway?

HBJ

"RAR!!! I'M A GOOD WRITER DAMNIT GIVE ME AN AWARD!!!"

[SandChigger]

"GIFT ME MY NEBULA! I WANT MY NEBBY!!!"

I haven't read through the whole thing yet. Did he spare us the "my first story, acted out" and typewriter shticks this time?

[TheDukester]

Pretty much, yes. This one centered more on how Brave Sir Kevin overcame all of those gigantic challenges to rise up and become an International Best Seller.™ Like all of those small-minded people getting is his way with their "plotless things."

(We did get to hear the War of the Worlds story for the 10,000th time, though. I'll say this for TheKeith: he really isn't afraid of repetition ...)

[lotek]

that's the understatement of the year

[Ampoliros]

I was going to say it bears repeating...