Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

OK, I know of two so far. Nekhrun has predicted that Leto II goes all wormified at some point before he dies.

I'm betting that they make something big of the the first Leto I, like he was a murdered child god or something. Hell, maybe they will have him turning all wormy!

Any others?

Paul will be implicated in a Slig sex ring and Norma will have to bail his ass out.

Rob

Irulan has sex with Paul despite the fact that he doesn't give a shit about her and the last thing he needs is a child from her.
Because she's blond and beautiful, and that's just a waste of "character developement" to not have a cheesy sex scene.

Ok, so just love scenes with Irulan, not closed on who with. You've been warned.

orald wrote:Irulan has sex with Paul despite the fact that he doesn't give a shit about her and the last thing he needs is a child from her.
Because she's blond and beautiful, and that's just a waste of "character developement" to not have a cheesy sex scene.

Ok, so just love scenes with Irulan, not closed on who with. You've been warned.

Good one, orald, but let me add to it. With KJA's penchant for demeaning women, Ill be that he humiliates her in bed as a consequence of psychological damage (which will never be well detailed) over his inability to stop the jihad.

Maybe Kavin will branch out and start make Dune porn, something like World of Whorecraft(I've heard of it in a gaming site, honest! ).

I think we can look forward to some boring as hell scenes taking place on Salusa Secundus as we look for fuck ups within fuck ups while the Corrinos plot to reclaim the throne.

I also think that things on IX will get even more exciting as Leto I takes revenge for the robot prince.

No real big shockers I know, but I'll keep thinking about it.

Omphalos wrote:

orald wrote:Irulan has sex with Paul despite the fact that he doesn't give a shit about her and the last thing he needs is a child from her.
Because she's blond and beautiful, and that's just a waste of "character developement" to not have a cheesy sex scene.

Ok, so just love scenes with Irulan, not closed on who with. You've been warned.

Good one, orald, but let me add to it. With KJA's penchant for demeaning women, Ill be that he humiliates her in bed as a consequence of psychological damage (which will never be well detailed) over his inability to stop the jihad.

I forgot to add, with the loving way they treat their female characters, I'm sure Irulan will never realize that she has been abused, and will think what she is feeling is love. Meanwhile Jessica will be feeding Paul with newer and more disgusting bedroom tactics for him to use on her. Look for a felching scene and a dirty sanchez or two.

Dirty sanchez, eh? I'm sure Spicelon will become a hardcore preek then.

The Spider Queen nukes all of the remaining Old Empire planets, with only a rag-tag fleet of some 50,000 humans surviving, fleeing in derelict no-ships. Later it is revealed that Duncan has been consorting, unbeknownst to him, with a secret agent HM, who awakens in him memories of her from an earlier existence, and who uses the awesome sex they have to gain "back-door" access to the Sisterhood's planetary defenses.

etc.

TOO EARLY for HMs!

Not even they could screw that up, right?

What's this about Leto going all wormy before he dies? They're only supposed to be doing the early years of his reign. It took 3000+ years for him to get where he was at the end of GEoD.

Same as above: not even they could..., right?

Pity (REALLY) that they've decided to do a new series in between these new books. I can't wait to see what they do with these!

COME ON PAUL OF DUNE, YOU PAIL OF DUNG! YEEEHAW!

Argh, Chig, you're ruining all my jokes! Stop addressing stuff just a minute before I do!

bryanvdk wrote:moving this from tetraology thread

Irulan of Dune: now dim-witted princess sits in palace writing down stories of jihad [insert much repetition from stories in paul of dune in an attempt to create legitimacy] with foreshadowing of machine threat

Irulan will talk with Serena (character validation).

"How did you do it year after year?"
"Do what Irulan, dear?"
"No sex!"
"Well, I..."
"I'm going out of my bene mind, I need to get laid!!!!"

-Princess Irulan, the Hidden Diaries

Good point, teg.

bryanvdk wrote:moving this from tetraology thread

Paul of Dune: epic star warsy battle scenes with hints of kralizec coming one day against an eventual enemy, normacle musing over futility of human struggle when they should muster strength for machine enemy

Jessica of Dune: back on caladan, passionate love scenes with gurney who now no longer has any wit, has spice trance and talks to normacle about coming machine threat

Irulan of Dune: now dim-witted princess sits in palace writing down stories of jihad [insert much repetition from stories in paul of dune in an attempt to create legitimacy] with foreshadowing of machine threat

Leto of Dune: complete refabrication of the purpose of the golden path -> GP is now about mobilizing humanity in the future to face off against machine threat... oh wait never mind we'll fuck that up, i'll just breed a super-duncan to uber-merge with er-ass-mus... yeah thats what the golden path was, never mind scattering or siona genes, I had a chat with normacle and she told me that all i have to do is depend on duncan's loyalty to the atreides so someday when my vision of the future is clouded by the siona genes and I can no longer control the future, my little swordmaster can become a machine symbiote... yah thats what we'll do cuz norma said so. and i'll probably fantasize about my sister a bit in KJAs chapters [incest is an important anderson tradition as demonstrated by certain individuals]

lol..you havent made hardly any posts...but that ones a classic

Two things :

1) They will finally give us a bony explaination as to why Leto can't sense Norma and replace Leto's GP by Norma's Platinum Path...

2) We will have a major character admiring his son's ass taking a shower and find this absolutely normal from the character's point of view...

1) Paul, using prescience, predicts the exact point in which Irulan will orgasm, and pulls out. In her moment of dissatisfaction, that's when Paul drops the aformentioned Dirty Sanchez on her.

2)BT, having saved cells of the aforementioned Serena, create a ghola of her and send her to Paul. Paul drills her too, only this time convinces Serena that in her absence society has changed. Now all intercourse ends with a Hot Karl. Serena, begrudgedly, accepts.

3)Chani, now furious that Paul is even donging non-canon characters, decides to show Paul what real Fremen love is. In a sweaty fury of violent sex, Paul ends out the session with a Jelly Donut, causing the Fremen to split into two factions: One that still views him as a Messiah, the other sees him as horny sexual deviant who needs taken to the deathstills.

4)The series ends with Paul humping his own mom, Jessica, and their deformed love child becomes the Ultimate Kwisatz Haderach!

SandChigger wrote:TOO EARLY for HMs!

Not even they could screw that up, right?

What's this about Leto going all wormy before he dies? They're only supposed to be doing the early years of his reign. It took 3000+ years for him to get where he was at the end of GEoD.

Same as above: not even they could..., right?

I am not so sure. They've got to figure out a way to retcon that whole event. Leto turned into a worm and back when he was a baby ghola, why wouldn’t that happen to a teenage Leto who had already taken the skin.

I'm also going to throw out a prediction that Leto teams up with Harum in order to fend off an Agamemnon attack.

Jesus H. friggin' Christ! On a stick too!

Can you stop the scat jokes?! Can't they have any other fetish that doesn't involve excrement?

Can't paul wear women's cloths and have Irulan spank him with a nail studded dildo or something? Jeez!
IDK, stick kiddy sex in there(you know FH already did).

bryanvdk wrote:they'll probably make a plotline with the fenrings and his almost-KH-ness.

he'll be a big part of the aforepredicted plot by corrinos to regain power

Right! I forgot about that. We KNOW there will be an assassination attempt by Fenring because of the Holy Dagger Of The Blood in Sadworms.

You KNOW that was in Frank's notes for "Dune 7" because he foresaw that there would have to be a Paul of Dune volume!

BRILLIANT!

Maybe all FH's notes said was: If anyone is going to try and write more Dune novels please make them as different in style and conflicting in content as possible so that no-one could possibly confuse the new books with mine.
That would explain everything

Oh yeah: they'll also finally explain in "Heroes" why Irulan having Paul born on Caladan was more HEROIC than having him born on the Imperial capital Kaitain.

It's not like it was some sort of rags-to-riches tale, after all. Wouldn't having him born on Kaitain in her version actually increase his legitimacy as Emperor among her upper class readers? Or was it more important to portray him as an outsider to the established court, the Mahdi of the Fremen?

Mmmmm...smell that. Gotta spread some of this around me roses!

Tleilax Master B wrote:1) Paul, using prescience, predicts the exact point in which Irulan will orgasm, and pulls out. In her moment of dissatisfaction, that's when Paul drops the aformentioned Dirty Sanchez on her.

2)BT, having saved cells of the aforementioned Serena, create a ghola of her and send her to Paul. Paul drills her too, only this time convinces Serena that in her absence society has changed. Now all intercourse ends with a Hot Karl. Serena, begrudgedly, accepts.

3)Chani, now furious that Paul is even donging non-canon characters, decides to show Paul what real Fremen love is. In a sweaty fury of violent sex, Paul ends out the session with a Jelly Donut, causing the Fremen to split into two factions: One that still views him as a Messiah, the other sees him as horny sexual deviant who needs taken to the deathstills.

4)The series ends with Paul humping his own mom, Jessica, and their deformed love child becomes the Ultimate Kwisatz Haderach!

Fuck the books ! i wanna see THAT movie already !!!

what super weapons do we expect to see. you know KJA can't do any thing without making a super-duper better than yours weapon!

I predict that it will be a spice-laser that is like a lasgun, but only kills your target. It also gives preteens erections. It is powered by water and ultra-spice precursor. It will be mentioned as being much more dangerous, powerful, and efficent than a weirding module. it looks something like a small box with 2 small metal handlebars called an em-mitter

Paul doesn't need it now with his Kwizjedi powers. He just uses choking and lightning to lay down the enemy forces from the front line. Then to inspire the enemy with awe, he makes it rain. Then he is heralded as a great diplomat by converting his captives with Dianetics. However he still dual-wields katanas, which if he concentrates turn into ultrasabers.

The Duncan ghola is sent to Amzonia to seduce their warrior queen. She keeps calling him Kir'c and sends assassins to kill Alia. Alia seduces the assassins and Duncan returns to spend the rest of the book in orgies learning how to sexually enslave women. One of the assassins turns out to be Fayd's daughter and stabs Paul's lookalike body double accidentally. However Paul is still alive and feels the pain of his double. She realizes this and attacks the real Paul, who seduces her with mind control ( and more rain) and bribes her with the secret of ultra spice. she reveals herself to be a Tleilaxu super FD from the future sent to warn him about the machine threat, but to preserve the timeline she cant tell him any details, and because she loves him, she stabs herself first with the dagger to cleanse it of the autopoison. Paul takes the dagger and stabs himself for causing her so much pain, but doesn't die, his life is saved by a 2-1b droid. This begins Duncan thinking back to his days when he served in the Butlerian Jihad and how could man and machine ever live in peace?

as usual, it ends with some couple reaffirming their eternal love for each other. (If you haven't noticed, KJA does this in every novel he's ever written.)



...btw i just realized how ludicrious this book will be. The jihad makes the holocaust look like a misdemeanor and you know they will make Paul look heroic as if he is battling some barbarian horde or the last remanants of the dying empire legions of stor....sardaukar.

Praying for Boulders

I'm also half-expecting Spaceworms : A "nice" Tlelaxu will mix worm and navigator DNA and they will be able to fold space and create spacespice and...(Place sleeping smiley here) ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz...