Sticks and stones may break my bones...

orald · Post by **orald** » 11 Mar 2008 16:51

And it sure hurts when they do...

This thread is all about the major pains in life. Broken bones, amputations, diseases, food poisoning(always keep that snooper working!), you name it. Life seems full of pain and mishappenings, and we're all here to about it and laugh at you. Err, I mean, share the pain...

So now I'll tell you my life story.

I've "broken" a bone only once so far, though it was a twisted ankle and a fractured heel, not a complete break.
It happened in 2nd grade while climbing on a low fence during school-break(is that the term for inbetween classes free time?).
I either fell on the way down or jumped, can't seem to remember, but either way there was a little drainage cannal in which my left foot happened to land, resulting in the said twist and fracture. Also made a nasty little cut on the back of the heel which was at first all I noticed.

I've had the tip of my left middle-finger clipped off by a closing door at school during 8th grade. We were playing "soccer" with a smashed can(oh, the potential hazards of fast moving, sharp alominium sharpnel...

) when it entered a classroom9during break of course).
I went after it but when I tried to get out some people(whom I shall murder bloodily in the future, rest assured) closed the door on me, clipping my poor finger in the process.

I've had appendicitis on the last day(and shift) of my week-long guard duty in some army base. During the evening an officer made a patrol to see everything's ok, and while I was starting to feel my stomach hurting, I told another soldier who wanted to report this not to bother.
After several hours and a few pukings though(some self-initiated in the hopes that all I really needed was a good puke to get rid of supposedly bad indigestion) the pain was too much to bear and an evacuation was called for.
We drove to a nearby hospital where I was admitted for the night.
In the morning I had an ultra-sound test and a few hours later an operation(I remember some intern examining and questioning me, he was cute

).

So that's about it for now. C'mon tell us all about your misfortunes!

Tleilax Master B · Post by **Tleilax Master B** » 11 Mar 2008 17:14

I've read all the new Dune books by Kevin J Anderson

That's about as bad as it can get.....

orald · Post by **orald** » 11 Mar 2008 17:42

Ah dang, that reminds me I was gonna make a P&B joke about losing my brain while reading their stuff, but now it's too late.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 11 Mar 2008 17:45

I had an ear infection in December. Those are painfull enough, but this one got so bad the pressure ruptured my eardrum. Blood and puss was oozing out my ear.

When I was seventeen I had pancreantitis.

Post by **Omphalos** » 11 Mar 2008 18:01

My left nut turned over on itself while I was sleeping one night and cut off the blood for so long that I had t have it removed. It was the most painful fucking think I have ever experienced. I woke up feeling like someone was kicking me in the balls every time my heart beat.

After the operation to remove it, during which my other nard was stapled to the side of my sack so it would not happen again, my nuts were so swolen that I could not walk, or even close my legs as I lay in bed.

In the hospital the guy next to me was this 93 year old man with respiratory problems. His therapist came in three times a day to help him and man was she hot. I tried to talk her up but she just laughed at me, lying there with my pathetic balls. I thought about her one night in the hospital and almost popped a boner, but even at half-mast it was so painful it withered to nothing right there on the spot. Fortunately I had a "happy button" that I could press and get a shot of percocet. I hit it right then.

I think that was the first time I read Heretics, though.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 11 Mar 2008 18:08

OMG!

Post by **Omphalos** » 11 Mar 2008 18:20

The eurologist who treated me was world renoun, and he wrote an article on my condition, its so rare that it ever happens. But the truly funny thing was that on the episode of L.A. Law that aired that night, the night I was operated on, the exact same thing happened to one of the characters. He got "twisted testicle," as the condition is called. I had two bosses at that time, and both of them thought I was making it up until I invited them to the hospital and showed them my extremly swolen, bruised and scarred sack.

Post by **Omphalos** » 11 Mar 2008 18:26

And the only other really, really painful thing that I have ever done to myself involved that region of my body too. My father and brother and I built our kitchen in the family home in Washington DC, including the cabinets. They were very basic, and did not have sliders or rollers to open and close the drawers smoothly. Just wood on wood.

One morning I was cooking an omlette in my underwear and pushed a drawer closed with my hips. I was dancing, listening to music or something (I was quite young). I got the tip of my dick caught between the drawer and the lip of the underside of the countertop so tightly that I could not open the drawer without causing extreme pain.

I yelled so loudly that the rest of the family woke up and came running into the kitchen. Ragabash noticed what happened first and literally fell on the floor laughing, with me screaming and looking at him over my shoulder as the smoke from my omlette set off the detector. My dad came over and pulled a little bit on the drawer and I screamed bloody murder and the left side of my dick head was ground between two unyielding pieces of wood. Seeing my exact predicament, he yanked the drawer open, taking a bit of flesh with it. I still have a "flat" side on my dick, and a "full" side.

My nuts and my dick are great conversation pieces, especially when Ive been drinking. The nut thing was during college. The dick thing was when I was in junior high.

Post by **Omphalos** » 11 Mar 2008 18:33

Oh, and one other. I was sleepwalking one night and peed on my electronic clock radio. I took 110v to my dick then. The funny thing was that the clock radio still worked after that, though it took a few days for the moisture behind the display to evaporate. Ragabash watched this too, but this time managed to stiffle his laughter so he did not wake me up. He says I peed in my laundry basket too, but I dont remember a bit of it.

My family thinks its a wonder that I have managed to reproduce.

Robspierre · Post by **Robspierre** » 11 Mar 2008 18:35

Fucking hell! All I got is getting nailed on the testicles by a golf ball

Rob

Post by **Omphalos** » 11 Mar 2008 18:36

Robspierre wrote:Fucking hell! All I got is getting nailed on the testicles by a golf ball

Rob

That's pretty funny too!

orald · Post by **orald** » 11 Mar 2008 18:38

And here I thought I was unlucky...

Mandy · Post by **Mandy** » 11 Mar 2008 18:39

OMG..

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 11 Mar 2008 21:32

Um...that story about me losing a nut in a luggage mishap at Narita Airport?

Made it up.

Ouch, Omph! I thought you were kidding, too. Dayum.

orald · Post by **orald** » 11 Mar 2008 21:52

I think BH lost both his balls when he met KJA, thus becoming his plaything.

Post by **Omphalos** » 11 Mar 2008 23:42

SandChigger wrote:Um...that story about me losing a nut in a luggage mishap at Narita Airport?

Made it up.

Ouch, Omph! I thought you were kidding, too. Dayum.

Aw, and here I thought you were in the WWUBC*.

*World-Wide Uni-Ball Club.

Pardot Kynes · Post by **Pardot Kynes** » 12 Mar 2008 00:20

Third degree burns on my left leg, shattered my right hand, fractured my right shin, fractured my right arm, dislocated my left shoulder once, separated it tons of times, partially tore my left rotator cuff, partially tore both meniscus', partially tore my right achilles tendon, dislocated my right wrist 5 or so times, my left 3.

I have also suffered 3 concussions, one minor, two severe, several spine injuries(mostly just twisting it around till it faced the wrong way), and one minor neck injury that kept me from turning my head for about a month. I have also had my right foot run over, severely bruising the bone, and I have bruised all my ribs.

Pretty much if you can name it, I've done it. Oh, and I get regular ingrown toenails I have to cut out with my knife.

Still, all that was spread out, and not permanent. Omph, I think you take the cake

Post by **Omphalos** » 12 Mar 2008 00:33

Still, all that was spread out, and not permanent. Omph, I think you take the cake

Dude, what are you? Like, a rodeo clown or something? A rodeo clown with flaming batons?

Robspierre · Post by **Robspierre** » 12 Mar 2008 01:34

Omphalos wrote:
Robspierre wrote:Fucking hell! All I got is getting nailed on the testicles by a golf ball

Rob
That's pretty funny too!

All the girls in P.E. thought so...

Rob

Phaedrus · Post by **Phaedrus** » 12 Mar 2008 02:06

I once knocked two of my teeth out. It didn't hurt at all, it was just kind of a shock. I hadn't realized it had happened until I put my tongue through the hole.

I've been kicked in the nads on more than one occasion. I've also received my fair share of "bitch-slaps" (and trust me, they were deserved).

I don't know, I put a cigarette out on my hand once when I was really drunk(this was a couple weeks ago, actually). It hurt for a second, but the drunk took most of the pain away.

Other than that, I can't think of anything particularly painful.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 12 Mar 2008 03:27

Robspierre wrote:
Omphalos wrote:
Robspierre wrote:Fucking hell! All I got is getting nailed on the testicles by a golf ball

Rob
That's pretty funny too!
All the girls in P.E. thought so...

Rob

I wish women could have their ovaries hang outside their bodies for a day and have someone kick 'em.

orald · Post by **orald** » 12 Mar 2008 06:32

Yea, I was just thinking what a dumb design this is...at least armor the bloody sack if it has to hang outside the body!

Spice Grandson · Post by **Spice Grandson** » 12 Mar 2008 07:56

Omph: It's called testicular torsion. And we see one or two cases a year in our ER. The most common cause of non-traumatic ...um ...ball-sack pain, though, is something called epiditimitis. Painful but relatively harmless.

My injuries ...

Fractured skull.
Broken left clavicle.

No rodeo clowning for me!

valys · Post by **valys** » 12 Mar 2008 08:53

When I was about 12, I was playing around the block, runing and jumping on and off some cement plates that were there for some new building near the one I was living in. Tripped and fell like a log from about 2,5 meters, on my left arm (and my face). That hurt a lot (head injuries aside, not much use for that part of my body, anyway), my left arm was pretty fucked up, and some 15 years later it still hurts at times (my mom says it's because the weather is about to change

).
And when I was a student, I had a kidney stone. That hurt so much that I had a friend drive me to the ER in the middle of the night, him driving my car, beacuse I couldn't even move. Amazingly, after the initial suffering, the stone passed without problems, a couple of weeks later. Even heard the "ping" when it hit the toilet bowl.

Pardot Kynes · Post by **Pardot Kynes** » 12 Mar 2008 09:25

Ugh... Kidney stones....

Omph, I'm a martial artist.