Next year we should enter some of KJA's writing.by Associated Press, on Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:30am PDT
SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) — A sentence in which tiny birds and the English language are both slaughtered took top honors Monday in an annual bad writing contest.
Sue Fondrie of Oshkosh, Wis., won the 2011 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for her sentence comparing forgotten memories to dead sparrows, said San Jose State University Prof. Scott Rice. The contestant asks writers to submit the worst possible opening sentences to imaginary novels.
Fondrie wrote: "Cheryl's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."
The University of Wisconsin professor's 26-word sentence is the shortest grand prize winner in the contest's 29-year history, Rice said.
Contest judges liked that Fondrie's entry reminded them of the 1960s hit song "The Windmills of Your Mind," which Rice described as an image that "made no more sense then than it does now."
The contest is named after British author Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" begins with the oft-quoted opening line "It was a dark and stormy night."
The contest solicits entries in a variety of categories. John Doble of New York won in the historical fiction category:
"Napoleon's ship tossed and turned as the emperor, listening while his generals squabbled as they always did, splashed the tepid waters in his bathtub."
To take the prize for best purple prose, Mike Pedersen of North Berwick, Maine, relied on a thesaurus'-worth of synonyms:
"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue."
___
Online:
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest: http:// bulwer-lytton.com/
Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
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Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
He will finally win a contest.
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."
“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”
Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."
“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”
Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
That last sentence certainly sounds like something he'd write.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
I was gonna say the same thing - adjectives galore!Omphalos wrote:That last sentence certainly sounds like something he'd write.
Ah English, the language where pretty much any word can have any meaning! - A Thing of Eternity
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
I don't think he'd qualify, since its his natural writing.
Now of course if we asked him to write a sentence for the 'Best' Writing Evar Contest then submitted it, he'd win top honors.
Now of course if we asked him to write a sentence for the 'Best' Writing Evar Contest then submitted it, he'd win top honors.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
I love that contest. ![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon/lol.gif)
(I think I've got a collection or two of winning and also-ran entries around here somewhere...
)
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon/lol.gif)
(I think I've got a collection or two of winning and also-ran entries around here somewhere...
![Think :think:](./images/smilies/eusa/think.gif)
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
The contestant asks writers to submit the worst possible opening sentences to imaginary novels.
I'll assume the AP writer meant "contest", but whutevah .....
awright, then .... here's how this could go down ....
everybody scour tehKJA's hackings, findings some choice sentence that would fit the criteria of being an "opening sentence";
piss-poor quality and laughably bad examples should not be at all difficult to locate; in fact, the fun would be the "random
open page, point finger" approach ....
after determining the submission procedures, if each entry must be separately submitted, how many submissions per Identity, etc,
knitting appropriate sock-puppets and so forth, we simply bombard this contest with tehKJA-originated quotes, ensuring a "win"
by sheer numbers ...
after one of us has won, it can be revealed that the "quote" was actually a tehKJA sentence (approved & published by TOR)
and that the award should rightfully be presented to tehKJA ...
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
Now we're getting somewhere...
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
Isn't KJA from Wisconsin too?
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon/lol.gif)
![Image](http://www.bluecorncomics.com/pics/naimmgt.gif)
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
What's the worst that could happen, plagiarism?A Thing of Eternity wrote:I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
Let's do it! I'm already excited.A Thing of Eternity wrote:I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
Why would it need to be submitted under an assumed name?Freakzilla wrote:What's the worst that could happen, plagiarism?A Thing of Eternity wrote:I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!
Leto II is gone for good, except for OM. The "pearl" was just that; a miniscule portion of what Leto was, and not a compressed version of the whole. The pearl that the worms have do not make them Leto, or in any way similar to him.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
no, I'm saying every body submit a sentence from Keith in their name or a sockpuppet or what-ever ....
when one of us wins, which with deck-stacking and sock-puppet-knitting is a mathematical certainty,
the true author can be revealed ...
when one of us wins, which with deck-stacking and sock-puppet-knitting is a mathematical certainty,
the true author can be revealed ...
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
That works, sorry about being slow to catch on. ![Embarrassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon/redface.gif)
![Embarrassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon/redface.gif)
Leto II is gone for good, except for OM. The "pearl" was just that; a miniscule portion of what Leto was, and not a compressed version of the whole. The pearl that the worms have do not make them Leto, or in any way similar to him.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
This contest won't work unless it's an Ultra-contest.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
D Pope wrote:That works, sorry about being slow to catch on.
absolutely fine, my communications are often in need of clarification ...
if General Ewell would've asked General Lee just exactly what he meant by "if practicable",
the Army of Northern Virginia would've been on "the High Ground" on the morning of the Second Day
of the engagement at Gettysburg, and burning Washington, D.C. to the ground by September ....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
It was obviously practicable. Ewell pussied out.SandRider wrote:D Pope wrote:That works, sorry about being slow to catch on.
absolutely fine, my communications are often in need of clarification ...
if General Ewell would've asked General Lee just exactly what he meant by "if practicable",
the Army of Northern Virginia would've been on "the High Ground" on the morning of the Second Day
of the engagement at Gettysburg, and burning Washington, D.C. to the ground by September ....
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
Yup.merkin muffley wrote:It was obviously practicable. Ewell pussied out.SandRider wrote:D Pope wrote:That works, sorry about being slow to catch on.
absolutely fine, my communications are often in need of clarification ...
if General Ewell would've asked General Lee just exactly what he meant by "if practicable",
the Army of Northern Virginia would've been on "the High Ground" on the morning of the Second Day
of the engagement at Gettysburg, and burning Washington, D.C. to the ground by September ....
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.
I don't know that I'd go that far .... altho that was essentially Genrl Hood's opinion ... albeit in a little different language ....
course now, a year & half later, after losing a leg and use of an arm and being daily dosed with enough opiates to make
Sherlock Holmes nervous, (not to mention getting dumped by the little teen-aged girl in Savannah) Genrl Hood did order
a frontal assault over three miles of open ground against semi-fortified works and a shitload of artillery @ Franklin ....
course now, a year & half later, after losing a leg and use of an arm and being daily dosed with enough opiates to make
Sherlock Holmes nervous, (not to mention getting dumped by the little teen-aged girl in Savannah) Genrl Hood did order
a frontal assault over three miles of open ground against semi-fortified works and a shitload of artillery @ Franklin ....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008