The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

[SandChigger]

You know, Harishka (Margitay!) and Hyron (Bahahahahaha!) should be like our new OH shibboleths or canto and respondu.

[Sev]

Bloody hell Chig, this thing fucking stinks to high heaven. Stickers and date stamps on luggage This is supposed to be Jessica Atreides in the Dune Universe, not Phileas Fogg in Around the World in 80 Days.

[Nekhrun]

All I can think of reading all of this is that fucking cake those tools had with a picture of FH saying, "Well done my boys!" FH would have hated what these two fuckwits have done.

[SandChigger]

Bloody hell Chig, this thing fucking stinks to high heaven.

You're telling me?!

I've finished reading the whole thing now and am going to go back through and start filling in the synopsis page on my website. There are still some more things I PostIt-marked for posting here (Jervish Updancers, anyone?! ); all things in time.

It really is simply awful shit.

(I love that Demotivator. Poor Frank. )

[A Thing of Eternity]

Ah! Will see more of the Rogo Transmitter? You'd think such a powerful invention created by genius ixian like C'tair Pilru would reappear!

Not in name at least, but that's not too far off the mark on this one.

OK ... so Duncan and Gurney are trying to find Bronso (to make Duncan's wife happy) and because Gurney and Jessica had seen Wayku stewards passing out Bronso's tracts on a Heighliner, the two decide to look for the Wayku who helped them find Paul and Bronso years earlier (during the vagabond interlude). They board a Heighliner and demand to see ... some documentation ... to which Duncan applies his Mentat gongfu:

An hour went by, then two, then three, while Gurney waited patiently. Finally, Duncan rose behind the pile of documents on the table. His ghola face held a satisfied smile, though his metal eyes were unreadable. "I've found him, Gurney. I know which ship carries Ennzyn. We will command the Navigator to divert this vessel so that we may intercept it."
...
[The next next section, about seven paragraphs later]

THE HEIGHLINER CARRYING Ennzyn was forcibly delayed in orbit above Balut, its next stop, and the Guild offered no explanations to the numerous passengers aboard. As soon as the second Guildship arrived, Duncan and Gurney shuttled across, aided by Guild security.

OK, you see the problem there, right? If the Guildship Duncan and Gurney are on is diverted to intercept the one Ennzyn is on, wouldn't theirs be the first ship to reach his? So how the fuck would they know at Balut to delay Ennzyn's ship BEFORE Duncan & Gurney's arrived? Though none is mentioned explicitly, you would have to assume some sort of instantaneous communication device or method. No?

In the section between the two containing the quotes above, Bronso removes a tracking device from the neck of his mother, whom he has spirited away from the clutches of the BG on Wallach IX (more about that later ... and yes, more lurid mini-tornadoes!) and brought to ... Carthag. (Yes, Alia, the Qizarate, Duncan and Gurney, nine hundred Mentats recruited by Duncan, hell, the whole bleeding Imperium are on the lookout for this guy and where does he head to but ... Arrakis!) Later, a Reverend Mother named Udine comes to Arrakis to curry favor with Alia with information, and tells her about Tessia's rescue:

Alia laughed sharply. "Bronso freed a captive from the Bene Gesserit Mother School?"

Udine was not amused. "He is quite clever, and elusive, as you well know. We do not yet know his allies, nor how he spirited her away. However, you can find Bronso through Tessia—and we believe she is on Arrakis."

"Why do you say that? What is your evidence?"

"While Tessia was in her coma, we implanted certain diagnostics within her. One of them was a device that can be used as a locator." Udine handed over a small data plaque. "The tracker coordinates indicated Arrakis, and we have every reason to believe that Bronso is with her."

OK, how much more blatantly Star Wars can this get? Can't you just see the BG techs looking at a map of the galaxy with a light indicating the tracker position blinking over "Arrakis".

Unless you assume some kind of instantaneous transmitter, again, the human trackers would have to be on the same ship as Tessia (or at least nearby within the same star system) in order to pick up the signal. Otherwise it would take YEARS for the signal to get anywhere.

Even though he does not mention it explicitly, I think it's pretty obvious that KJA is assuming some sort of communication method that provides instantaneous communications between star systems.

This is annoying, considering that they didn't make any effort to explain what device was being used, and in Dune it is pretty obvious that the ONLY way any information gets from planet to planet is by being carried by a person on a guild ship.

Lame.

[Ampoliros]

yeah and seeing as how guild ships travel instantaneously...

I guess KJA totally forgot about distrans.

Stewards passing out flyers on a Heighliner? whats next, salted peanuts?

Explain how wanted terrorists sneak from planet to planet on Guild ships without The Regency saying 'X person is under arrest if they step on a Heighliner" and the Guild saying "No".

How does Bronso have a group of FD's? And aren't the FD's of the day no where near good enough to hide from BG?

Oh wait, I keep forgetting KJA wrote this.

[SandChigger]

Yeah, he's milking these permanent Wayku inhabitants of Guildships big time in this one.

The FDs are from that Jongleur troupe that Bronso and Paul travelled around with during their youth. Bronso seeks them out to ask Rheinvar the Magnificent (white suit covered with "ice diamonds" and a big top hat!) for help and discovers that Rheinvar was killed during a wetwork job that went wrong and one of the FDs has taken his place. They remember him and agree to help anyway. One of them poses as him and gets caught and executed intentionally, to make Alia look bad.

Agh!

[Serkanner]

I know I am going to be punished for this, but NO WAY they have written about the transport stickers in Jessica's wardrobe. That is imply NOT possible!

There is only one way to convince me and that is seeing it in print.

[SandChigger]

"He tasks me!"



(Glad to see you back. )

OK, Doubting Thomas. Hang on about two or three hours, then. I'll scan that part [when I get to the office] and SHOW you.

[Karyle]

I'm just so.... sad.

Maybe it will be received poorly enough that the publisher cuts them off before the dreaded "schools trilogy" that they have planned. You know they'll just knock the "writing" out over a few 3-hour long sessions anyway. KJA has 10 other books to "write" that year!

[Serkanner]

"He tasks me!"



(Glad to see you back. )

OK, Doubting Thomas. Hang on about two or three hours, then. I'll scan that part [when I get to the office] and SHOW you.

I will cry for an entire day. It is beyond anything I could imagine them writing ... not to mention there is a publisher "okaying" it as well. Even for a parody it would be bad.

[dunaddict]

Sounds like the editor was asleep at the wheel again.....what else is new?

"Damn sloppy way to operate."

Duke Leto

[SandChigger]

I will cry for an entire day. It is beyond anything I could imagine them writing ... not to mention there is a publisher "okaying" it as well. Even for a parody it would be bad.

Well, I hope you have bought in an adequate supply of facial tissues, 'cause here you go:



(If it doesn't show, refresh the page or right click & open in a new window. )

"With GAWD as my witness, Stil, there is STILL time for happiness!"

Holy FUCK, it's Gone With the Winds of Dune?!



(Of course ... I could have just made up the preceding and following paragraphs and made it look like a page from the book and then printed that out and scanned it to make it look authentic. )

[DuneFishUK]

I know I am going to be punished for this, but NO WAY they have written about the transport stickers in Jessica's wardrobe. That is imply NOT possible!

There is only one way to convince me and that is seeing it in print.

I was going to say I'd forgive them the stickers one - FH did write "bureaucracy is the best for of dictatorship" and to think they'd have that in mind, when the wrote about the bureaucrats that control the customs at spaceports and the forms and visas required was actually reasonably sound, and there were things a lot worse to pick up on...


...Then I remembered there's no way they would ever be that subtle if they knew what they were doing.

Re: Chigger post - The fact they don't labour the point and explain the bureaucracy aspect repeatedly either A) shows they have finally discovered subtly... or B) they still haven't got a fuckin' clue and are still just gobbing out clueless shite...

Give ya one guess

[Tleszer]

(Of course ... I could have just made up the preceding and following paragraphs and made it look like a page from the book and then printed that out and scanned it to make it look authentic. )

I considered that. I was also thinking that you wouldn't go to that much trouble... but then I remembered your "PoD ARC" and "PoD-cast." Good times!

As for the content of that page... *groan*

[SandChigger]

Hey, here's something I forgot to add earlier. This paragraph follows immediately after the one above beginning "The Mother School gardens...":

Bronso and his incognito crew had come ostensibly to replant a failed botanical area where the rugged native plants from Grand Hain had all died and needed to be replaced with something else. Dump boxes had been dropped from orbit ahead of time, filled with carefully harvested mosses, mulch, and chemically precise fertilizers for a new species line. Another armored dump box, ready to be resealed for retrieval, waited outside the dead area, filled with the leftover and obsolete Grand Hain fertilizers and mulch, which would be shipped away.

Note the name of that planet: Grand Hain.

It truly is a shame that Kevin has "never been able to get through" the books of "critical darlings" like Ursula LeGuin, China Miéville, and Iain Banks, because having done so would allow him to avoid ... borrowing (reusing?) THEIR names for things, like Le Guin's Hain in this case (Three Hainish Novels, anyone?), or Miéville's Cymek (from Perdido Street Station) in the Legends books.

(And just for fun, on the bad writing side: MORE OVERMODIFICATION OF NOUNS!!! ... his incognito crew ... a failed botanical area ... the rugged native plants ... carefully harvested mosses ... chemically precise fertilizers ... the leftover and obsolete Grand Hain fertilizers and mulch. And let's just not even think about the issue of dump boxes being dropped from orbit. Fuck. Well damn, I thought about it. )

[Karyle]

Is this book supposed to be before or after Messiah? I assume before?

Disregarding the flashback bullshit, I mean.

[SandChigger]

Mostly after.

Here's the breakdown:

Part I - 10,207 AG Since overthrowing Shaddam IV, Paul-Muad’Dib has reigned as Emperor for fourteen years.... (17 "chapters")

Part II - 10,188 AG Paul Atreides, age twelve, six months after the end of the War of Assassins.... (19 "chapters")

Part III - 10,207 AG Two months after the end of Muad’Dib’s reign (14 "chapters")

Part IV - 10,200 AG The Reign of Emperor Paul-Muad’Dib (18 "chapters") [=seven years after Shaddam, two years after Fenring attack]

Part V - 10,207 AG Two months after the end of Muad’Dib’s reign (19 "chapters")

(The Twins have just been born in 10,207 and they're only a few months old at the end of WoD, so there's still NINE WHOLE YEARS before the start of Children. Shaddam & his clone/ghola army are going to try to retake the throne, hence the new name for the third piece of shit, The Throne of Dune, instead of Irulan of Dune. Presumably Leto of Dune (if they're still going to do it) will begin immediately after CoD. )

[Karyle]

If KJA is "writing" these in-between shits, why does he continue to insist on forcing this child Paul flashback crap down our throats?

I wish KJA would just pull out and stop the slow, violent raping of the greatest science fiction series ever established.

[SandChigger]

I think he's built like a canine (no offense!): once he's got it in, it swells and he gets stuck to his fuck until it goes down again.

That's why we have to keep throwing virtual cold water on him.


And the Young Paul stuff is simply justification for the YA writing. I'm convinced of it now.

[Serkanner]

I will cry for an entire day. It is beyond anything I could imagine them writing ... not to mention there is a publisher "okaying" it as well. Even for a parody it would be bad.

Well, I hope you have bought in an adequate supply of facial tissues, 'cause here you go:



(If it doesn't show, refresh the page or right click & open in a new window. )

"With GAWD as my witness, Stil, there is STILL time for happiness!"

Holy FUCK, it's Gone With the Winds of Dune?!



(Of course ... I could have just made up the preceding and following paragraphs and made it look like a page from the book and then printed that out and scanned it to make it look authentic. )

Jesus wept! ... and me too.

[SandChigger]

I'm sorry ... but you just had to know.

[Serkanner]

I know I am going to be punished for this, but NO WAY they have written about the transport stickers in Jessica's wardrobe. That is imply NOT possible!

There is only one way to convince me and that is seeing it in print.

I was going to say I'd forgive them the stickers one - FH did write "bureaucracy is the best for of dictatorship" and to think they'd have that in mind, when the wrote about the bureaucrats that control the customs at spaceports and the forms and visas required was actually reasonably sound, and there were things a lot worse to pick up on...


...Then I remembered there's no way they would ever be that subtle if they knew what they were doing.

Re: Chigger post - The fact they don't labour the point and explain the bureaucracy aspect repeatedly either A) shows they have finally discovered subtly... or B) they still haven't got a fuckin' clue and are still just gobbing out clueless shite...

Give ya one guess

When you read the context of the stickers the guess is simple.

[SandChigger]

I'm really kinda disappointed that KJA didn't pull the ole buttplug out ALL the way and give us some kind of Jessica-Twins psychic hotline communication scene.

He had the chance, though: while everyone is celebrating Bronso's parboiling, Jessica slips away and spends some time alone with the Twins. She even breaks down and sobs, wailing for Paul while there.

(Gawd, it's so theatrical! Naturally, being me, I see her kneeling on the spice rugs, two cute little baby bundles in her arms, doing one of those shrill-yer-ears-to-shreds ululations Arab women seem to excel at. )

(Never mind that she's not native Fremen, she's got the OM, no? Besides, if Peter Berg can imagine a more MUSCULAR Dune, why can't I imagine a more ethnically bizarre one?! )

[SadisticCynic]

In terms of the twins isn't it more likely he'll have them telepathically communicate with each other (Leto to Ghanima and vice versa). If memory serves (and I hate it for doing so) he has Erasmus torture one twin and observe its effect on the other...