Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

So this is how it works: Once you violate canon, your inconsistency has basically already broken the continuity, so piling on further examples of the same violation really doesn't mean much, right?

Paul of Dune took the young Paul Atreides to Ecaz twice and Grumman once, despite (in SPITE of) the scene in Dune where Duke Leto reminds Paul that the Atreides' upcoming move to Arrakis will be his first time off of Caladan.

Now, in The Winds of Dune, Leto decides to send Paul for "offworld training" on Ix, since his stay on that planet during his own youth worked out so well. Right. Why the fuck not?

After some silliness once there (the same "guilt-caster" who latter attacks Margot Fenring on Salusa Secundus shows up and puts the whammy on Tessia, wife of Cyborg RHOMBUR CRUSH!!! Vernius, leading to Rhomboy revealing to young Bonzo, I mean, Bronso that he's a test-tube baby and not even really Rhomboy's issue, so Bronso goes into preteen "Oh gawd I hate you all I'm going to run away from home!" angst mode and Paul tags along because Leto charged him with looking after Bronso), Paul and Bronso stow away on a Guild Heighliner, where they are taken in and given temporary work by the local leader of the Wayku people (remember those itinerant space gypsy-servers on Guild ships? Sure you do!) until Bronso tries to sneak a peek at the Navigator and gets them kicked offship and into the custody of the Jongleur troupe of Master Jongleur Rheinvar the Magnificent. First stop, Chusuk.

In other words, Paul runs away and joins the circus.

I can't remember if anyone has suggested this yet (please remind me if you have!), but it occurred to me as I was reading this shit this morning that these "Young Paul" flashback sections are a way of bringing the YA fiction aspect of these books fully out of the closet.

How freeing that must be.

What? Are you serious?

Do they shout "yippee"?

Does it end with Leto Getting hit over the head and gaining selective amnesia which explains why he forgets how often Paul has been off planet?

I'm rather glad I came back because it's refreshing to be reminded how utterly incompetent some people are... I'm constantly questioning if you're making this shit up, knowing most of us would never bother to read and find out for ourselves.

Oh god, I knew when that review appeared at B&N loving the flashback scenes that we were in for something worse than abomination - this fits the bill - 'The Paul Atreides Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy'. Someone tell KJA/Bobo that Douglas Adams has already been there - and put jokes in it.

Mandy wrote:What? Are you serious?

Redstar wrote:I'm constantly questioning if you're making this shit up

AAAAAAGH!!! That fake excerpt credibility gap, AGAIN?!

But you really must ask yourself: What do YOU think? Is the Chigger screwing with us again? Who is he trying to get freakbanned this time?!


(Not sure yet, Amp. I started feeling ill after the Master Jongleur HYPMOtizes (Gawd I miss David Letterman!) an audience into seeing things the performers—most of whom are Face Dancers—aren't really doing (using "a resonance-hypnosis technique similar to what the Bene Gesserit use, except these players merely use it to enhance their performances" ... and not to play hide-n-seek tricks on Harkonnens in a dining hall ... fuck fuck fuck!!!) and Bonzo is totally taken in but Paul, thanks to the training of his mother, sees nothing but the troupe standing still on stage. I had to stop reading there.)

SandChigger wrote:

Redstar wrote:I'm constantly questioning if you're making this shit up

AAAAAAGH!!! That fake excerpt credibility gap, AGAIN?!

But you really must ask yourself: What do YOU think? Is the Chigger screwing with us again? Who is he trying to get freakbanned this time?!

Seriously. Reading excerpts like that, especially from such books as this and the Twilight series, has me questioning if it's just some satirical joke.

I remember junior year of high school and finding a classmate had written a story, so I graciously took it in hand and read it. Reading that the main character "spun his sword a million rotations per minute" and killed "thousands of demons with each swing" made me want to gouge my eyes out and quit writing myself.

I take it you're ready for more, then?

There are no prequels. There is not KJA. Frank, come back!

SandChigger wrote:I take it you're ready for more, then?

Go for it. It's... Inspiring.

SandChigger wrote:

Mandy wrote:What? Are you serious?

Redstar wrote:I'm constantly questioning if you're making this shit up

AAAAAAGH!!! That fake excerpt credibility gap, AGAIN?!

But you really must ask yourself: What do YOU think? Is the Chigger screwing with us again? Who is he trying to get freakbanned this time?!

I didn't even remember the fake excerpt.. it's just so unbelievably stupid I had to ask if it was for real! When did Leto have the time to send Paul to Ix for training? It has always been my understanding that not much time had passed between the Atreides arrival on Dune and the Harkonnen/Sardaukar attack. Wasn't Paul 15 when he and Jessica escaped into the desert?

Bah!

SandChigger wrote:Cyborg RHOMBUR CRUSH!!!

Rhombur is the single brilliant thing about these books - I hope he does more crushing in WOD.

POD would have been a poorer book without him - and it sounds like WOD needs all the help it can get...

Mandy wrote:I didn't even remember the fake excerpt.. it's just so unbelievably stupid I had to ask if it was for real! When did Leto have the time to send Paul to Ix for training? It has always been my understanding that not much time had passed between the Atreides arrival on Dune and the Harkonnen/Sardaukar attack. Wasn't Paul 15 when he and Jessica escaped into the desert?

Bah!

POD took him up to age 12, there are still 2-3 years-worth of unwritten story to fill with crap - is that when this circus shit takes place?

Sound's like a Heinlein Juvenile. Just not written well.

Yep, it really is YA fare, and not even "fair to middlin'".

And, yes, it takes place in 10,188 AG when Paul is "age twelve, six months after the end of the War of Assassins between House Ecaz and House Moritani. Three years before House Atreides leaves Caladan for Arrakis."

'Fish, just for you!

Rhombur unsealed the cylinder so quickly with his cyborg hand that he broke the cap. As he scanned the lines of the instroy document, his prosthetic shoulders sagged. "Your men arived on Chusuk too late. The Jongleur troupe gave a performance and then departed immediately on another Guildship. No information on where they went afterward."

RHOMBUR CRUSH!!! (reads message) RHOMBUR CRUSHED!!!

And ... sorry to break it to you this way, but ... Rhomboy (finally) bites the big one in this one.

DuneFishUK wrote:

Mandy wrote:I didn't even remember the fake excerpt.. it's just so unbelievably stupid I had to ask if it was for real! When did Leto have the time to send Paul to Ix for training? It has always been my understanding that not much time had passed between the Atreides arrival on Dune and the Harkonnen/Sardaukar attack. Wasn't Paul 15 when he and Jessica escaped into the desert?

Bah!

POD took him up to age 12, there are still 2-3 years-worth of unwritten story to fill with crap - is that when this circus shit takes place?

So before they moved to Dune? I guess they're telling these stories in flashbacks or something.

Yeah.

Actually, though, KJA has gotten a little bit more sophisticated this time. Supposedly this flashback is being related to Irulan by Jessica, so that Irulan will know the REAL TRUE FULL STORY of Paul's youth.

The stupid part is that episodes like Paul and Bronso adventures and the meeting between Yueh and Wanna, at which Jessica wasn't present and therefore would have had to have been told about by one or the other later, are narrated in the usual manner.

Anyway, after Chusuk (where the Face Dancers engage in a nasty bit of wetwork involving those clonewood growers and instrument makers), the boys and Jongler troupe head for Balut (the glassware planet, remember? Home of Lady Shando-leer? ), where Jessica and Leto and Rhomboid eventually catch up with them.

And Rhomboy dies in an assassination attempt aimed at the Governor, Alra Kio, who's there with her beau (Preto Heiron ... where the fuck does he pull these names from? Pretty heron?), both of whom Paul saves from a laser blast by body tackling them in their seats. Rhomper gets smashed by a secondary, follow-up acoustic wave attack but manages to knock Paul and Bronso out of the way first. With his last words he asks Bonzo, "Is Paul ... safe?"

Ouch! And that is the beginning of the rift between Paul and Bonzo and House Atreides and House Vernius. Which makes so much sense, doesn't it?

And that is almost the end of this stupid flashback section. Damn, bad bad bad.

SandChigger wrote:... both of whom Paul saves from a laser blast by body tackling them in their seats.

Pew! Pew! Pew-pew-pew!

You go, Keith! That's what Dune is all about!

I'm glad Chigger reads this crap so we don't have to!

Christ, i'm gonna have ot be falling down drunk to even get through this shit!

Rob

SandChigger wrote:Yep, it really is YA fare, and not even "fair to middlin'".

And, yes, it takes place in 10,188 AG when Paul is "age twelve, six months after the end of the War of Assassins between House Ecaz and House Moritani. Three years before House Atreides leaves Caladan for Arrakis."

'Fish, just for you!

Rhombur unsealed the cylinder so quickly with his cyborg hand that he broke the cap. As he scanned the lines of the instroy document, his prosthetic shoulders sagged. "Your men arived on Chusuk too late. The Jongleur troupe gave a performance and then departed immediately on another Guildship. No information on where they went afterward."

RHOMBUR CRUSH!!! (reads message) RHOMBUR CRUSHED!!!

And ... sorry to break it to you this way, but ... Rhomboy (finally) bites the big one in this one.

What? No spoiler alert?

Mandy wrote:I'm glad Chigger reads this crap so we don't have to!

That's my motto!

Oh, sorry Nekhrun, SPOILERS!!!

Happy?

Dukester! The Jongleur performance on Balut (which is that Philippine dish with half-hatched eggs, right?) takes place in the "Theater of Shards"...

Balut's Theater of Shards was so stunning that the architecture threatend to overshadow the performance. Paul and Bronso stood outside the fluted gates, dizzied by the sight of millions of reflecting prisms. In such a breathaking venue, who would want to look at mere acrobats and dancers? With its soaring crystalline towers, angled planes, and intersecting mirrors and lenses, the building seemed more optical illusion than physical structure. Paul thought he could smell the light in the air.

He could SMELL the light in the air. Sigh. That's almost as good as de Vries having a laugh like vinegar, eh?

So someone rigs up a laser inside and the theater focuses and amplifies the pew pew pew. But since it's a THEATER, it also focuses and amplifies sound into boom boom boom. Rhombus is the first to detect the rising sound of the secondary attack building. Then he springs into action (RHOMBUR CRUSH!!!):

Rhombur moved with all the force and speed his cyborg body could manage. He knocked Bronso aside as he pushed Paul to the other side of the balcony. "Move!"

But he couldn't get out of the way himself. The invisible but intense acoustic hammer slammed into Rhombur like two colliding Heighliners, smashed him between a pair of oncoming sonic walls.

My GAWD, isn't that RIPPING STUFF?!

...like two colliding Heighliners

eh?

Thanks for wading through this Chig, to think that the word 'Dune' will be appearing on this book - what a joke.

Sev wrote:

...like two colliding Heighliners

eh?

Thanks for wading through this Chig, to think that the word 'Dune' will be appearing on this book - what a joke.

Yeah...The fuck with prescience, you can't prevent colliding Heighliners...Let the Muadru give them huge turning signals, for the love of Gawd...

From KJAss blog
First Review of THE WINDS OF DUNE
From Publishers Weekly:


The Winds of Dune Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson. Tor, $27.99 (448p) ISBN 978-0-7653-2272-2


Set immediately after Frank Herbert’s Dune Messiah (1969), this satisfying tale from Herbert’s son and Anderson (Paul of Dune) follows Jessica, the mother of galactic emperor Paul Atreides, as she returns to the desert planet Dune for her son’s funeral. Paul’s suicide after his mistress’s childbed death leaves his sister, the insane and brutal Alia, as regent for his twin children. Alia releases Princess Irulan, Paul’s wife and biographer, from house arrest on the condition that she present Paul as a god, even as Bronso of Ix circulates contrasting writings focusing on Paul’s humanity. Alia, Jessica, Bronso and Irulan can describe aspects of Paul, but no single narrative can capture him. Fans of the original Dune series will love seeing familiar characters, and the narrative voice smoothly evokes the elder Herbert’s style. (Aug.)


Combined with Chig's YA excerpts this is just fucking wrong...God Emperor save us all.