Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

SandChigger wrote:See what happens when supposed authors don't read the previous books in the franchise they're "extending"?

(What is reading again? )

More fundamentally, I should have said, "after Leto's Division," since he never really died.

Just got done scanning Amazon for some new books to pick up and decided to amuse myself with some more 1-star KJA reviews. Found this gem in the So7S reviews:

Now, maybe, if Mr. Anderson had the energy of a Doc Smith or the invention of a Larry Niven, or the sheer "sense of wonder" of Edgar Rice Burroughs, one wouldn't notice all the silliness as one raced through the story. But this book is neither fast-paced or inventive. So the errors are the most memorable part of the book.

Just had to laugh and share it.

SandChigger wrote:(Oh, for the love of Dur don't apologize to him! You'll never hear the end of it! )

I realize that I didn't properly answer your question above. "All of the above" is my gut response, but I'm going to go with Pall of Dumb for the time being, reserving the right to change once Queefs of Dumb comes out.

Sorry to bring up an old thread gentlemen. But I just have to say, yes, SandChigger, you called it. Queefs of Dumb has turned out to be the lowest of the low (so far). I thought I was done with it with Poop of Dunce. But Jessica's gaseous fetish on Leto's face of Dune has taken it even lower than ever ever thought possible, but unfortunately with the possibility of five more books to go, I fear that it is going to get worse. I think that once Throne (queening chair anyone?) of Dune (or whatever the next scheduled name change will call it) comes out, it will make Paul of Dune look like classic literature in comparison.

Oh dear ... I had forgotten (or had tried to?) the whole queef thang.

I don't know how much more I can take.

House Atreides - it was mediocre at best, it had a couple of things that really didn't make any sense and didn't add anything to the whole story. I still thought that they would improve over time. It was after all, only the first book of three...

House Harkonnen - more of the same, a bland book that didn't entertain, it contained passages that were redundant, and it presented shallow characters. Inconsistencies began to really pile up here, or at least became more noticable, and more annoying. Character development flew out the window with the main characters, and the inserted new character had grown more than annoying at the end of the novel.

House Corinno - taking what started in House Atreides, and worsened in House Harkonnen, and then pushing it one step further. I felt cheated out of my money when the last chapters came round. Paul being born on Kaitan, Rhombur becoming more prominent, and Jessica being utterly retarded while the Bene Gesserit did a lot of stuff they never showed any sign of doing in the originals. The main plot felt flat and its resolution came in a predictable and uninpsired fashion.

The Butlerian Jihad - for a brief moment I actually believed this would be better. I had convinced myself that this was set in a whole different kind of universe. It was set so deep into the past, at least they could fuck up the basic facts presented in the originals. By the time Omnius and Erasmus came in to do their little dance I knew I was in trouble. The short vapid chapters and the one-note characters couldn't save a boring plot, and the overal lack of themes that were so dominant in the originals, made this the first novel that was utterly pointless and forgetable.

The Machine Crusade - this is where you clearly see the rape. Dangerous levels of mental retardation flaring up with Norma Cenva and those slags that call themselves witches

The Battle of Corrin - this is where the violated body that is Dune is begging for mercy, and KJA and BH are telling it to shut up and take it. Take it all, and take it without complaint. This is their sandbox now, and they can piss in it if they'd like.

Hunters and Sandworms of Dune - This is where I dre the line. That is just a steaming pile of shit that can never be redeemed.

It's amazing that those shitheads managed to go from "mediocre and only slightly offensive", to me not ever setting foot near the Dune franchise ever again.

Sandworms is the worst from a strictly "Dune" standpoint, even without having read half the other stuff I can say that with confidence, but as far as just plain old tanking the writing itself, I'd imagine these new ones are prtty bad, but either the entire Legends series, or Sandworms again would take that title for me.

Secher Nbiw wrote:House Atreides - it was mediocre at best, it had a couple of things that really didn't make any sense and didn't add anything to the whole story. I still thought that they would improve over time. It was after all, only the first book of three...

House Harkonnen - more of the same, a bland book that didn't entertain, it contained passages that were redundant, and it presented shallow characters. Inconsistencies began to really pile up here, or at least became more noticable, and more annoying. Character development flew out the window with the main characters, and the inserted new character had grown more than annoying at the end of the novel.

House Corinno - taking what started in House Atreides, and worsened in House Harkonnen, and then pushing it one step further. I felt cheated out of my money when the last chapters came round. Paul being born on Kaitan, Rhombur becoming more prominent, and Jessica being utterly retarded while the Bene Gesserit did a lot of stuff they never showed any sign of doing in the originals. The main plot felt flat and its resolution came in a predictable and uninpsired fashion.

The Butlerian Jihad - for a brief moment I actually believed this would be better. I had convinced myself that this was set in a whole different kind of universe. It was set so deep into the past, at least they could fuck up the basic facts presented in the originals. By the time Omnius and Erasmus came in to do their little dance I knew I was in trouble. The short vapid chapters and the one-note characters couldn't save a boring plot, and the overal lack of themes that were so dominant in the originals, made this the first novel that was utterly pointless and forgetable.

The Machine Crusade - this is where you clearly see the rape. Dangerous levels of mental retardation flaring up with Norma Cenva and those slags that call themselves witches

The Battle of Corrin - this is where the violated body that is Dune is begging for mercy, and KJA and BH are telling it to shut up and take it. Take it all, and take it without complaint. This is their sandbox now, and they can piss in it if they'd like.

Hunters and Sandworms of Dune - This is where I dre the line. That is just a steaming pile of shit that can never be redeemed.

It's amazing that those shitheads managed to go from "mediocre and only slightly offensive", to me not ever setting foot near the Dune franchise ever again.

I'll read that again sometime. Just wondering when your arsecrack is going to grace us with its pesence again?

chanilover wrote:
I'll read that again sometime. Just wondering when your arsecrack is going to grace us with its pesence again?

Aaaahw, do you still lust after me and my plumber's cleavage after all this time?

That must be love.

Secher Nbiw wrote:

chanilover wrote:
I'll read that again sometime. Just wondering when your arsecrack is going to grace us with its pesence again?

Aaaahw, do you still lust after me and my plumber's cleavage after all this time?

That must be love.

LOL, what a tease! It's the only thing I remember about you, apart from that really depressing fanfic story you did.

I don't know. They seemed to only get worse as time went on. I think it was House Corrino when I stopped reading mid-way through,finally yelled "Bullshit" and threw the book in the fire. I don't know why it took me so long to do that. Perhaps I was still under the delusion that they'd somehow get better and there is no way that the authors could be that bad. And this was all before I realized how badly the novels contradicted the original works. I've never really been a Dune expert, you see.

And then I looked at the first of the BJ trilogy just out of morbid curiosity. Man, that was even worse writing then the first series. I mean, at least the first prequel series had the original characters (or at least K and B's faulty versions of them) to keep you going. But in BJ, there was nothing but cartoonish villains and simplistic protagonists. I mean, these two can't write a complex character to save their lives.

And I haven't read any of the others. I've just read synopses of the rest online.

Krazy Kwisatz wrote:I don't know. They seemed to only get worse as time went on. I think it was House Corrino when I stopped reading mid-way through,finally yelled "Bullshit" and threw the book in the fire. I don't know why it took me so long to do that. Perhaps I was still under the delusion that they'd somehow get better and there is no way that the authors could be that bad. And this was all before I realized how badly the novels contradicted the original works. I've never really been a Dune expert, you see.

And then I looked at the first of the BJ trilogy just out of morbid curiosity. Man, that was even worse writing then the first series. I mean, at least the first prequel series had the original characters (or at least K and B's faulty versions of them) to keep you going. But in BJ, there was nothing but cartoonish villains and simplistic protagonists. I mean, these two can't write a complex character to save their lives.

And I haven't read any of the others. I've just read synopses of the rest online.

I agree the BJ characters were awful without the stilt of Herbert's creations to give them the illusion of authenticity. But I always related or some what dealt with it by justifying the lack of dimension with the fact that these were conflicts in which hummanity presumably didin't have the luxury of intrigue or politics to sustain them and they were just striving to live another day. But when the misuse of herberts mentioning of the pre-BG as "sorcoresses" I flipped out and from that moment on the new novels lost any credibility they once had, even though I still read them so I can rant about how they should stop mutilating Dune.

rmQ wrote: I still read them so I can rant about how they should stop mutilating Dune.

I stopped reading after the first half of House Atreides - realized that Brian and
the Other Guy weren't real authors, and this was Star-Wars spinoff YA bullshit ...

picked up Hunters in paperback at a grocery store check-out,
(only because of the "From the Notes of Frank Herbert" lie on the back)
read about 10 pages, said "What the FUCK ??", got on the innerwebz to
get some background on these "Notes", ended up here, and the rest is
history and/or mythology ....

anyway, I don't read Keith's trash and still rant about it ....

Keith hates that, - he thinks I'm just a jealous hater - the pretards hate it, too -
how can you hate something you never read ? - I've got several answers to that -
my favorite -

when I was a boy, I put my pecker in a beaver trap - didn't ever do that again ....

also, when I was a boy, I watched my idiot brother put his pecker in a beaver trap, more than once;
each time he screamed bloody murder and told me how much it hurt - Huh, I'd say, Well, why doncha
try it again, see what it's like this time? and he would ....

when I was a teenager, there was a toothless one-legged whore in town.
we boys were just fascinated by how weird and gross it must be to have sex
with her, what kinda horrible self-loathing and uncleanliness must follow from such an act ...

well, I wasn't about to do it myself, but I was kinda interested in what the experience would
be like, so I talked my buddy Billy Bob into doing it. he did, and said it was even more weird
and scary than we had imagined (we hadn't never thought about the smell of this old
booze-hound, and also didn't know the stump was a weeper)

so while I never actually fucked the toothless one-legged whore myself,
I heard enough about it to know it wasn't something I'd enjoy too much ....



(for the too-literal-minded, the beaver trap and the toothless one-legged whore are Keith's Dune ....)

SandRider wrote:

rmQ wrote: I still read them so I can rant about how they should stop mutilating Dune.

I stopped reading after the first half of House Atreides - realized that Brian and
the Other Guy weren't real authors, and this was Star-Wars spinoff YA bullshit ...

picked up Hunters in paperback at a grocery store check-out,
(only because of the "From the Notes of Frank Herbert" lie on the back)
read about 10 pages, said "What the FUCK ??", got on the innerwebz to
get some background on these "Notes", ended up here, and the rest is
history and/or mythology ....

anyway, I don't read Keith's trash and still rant about it ....

Keith hates that, - he thinks I'm just a jealous hater - the pretards hate it, too -
how can you hate something you never read ? - I've got several answers to that -
my favorite -

when I was a boy, I put my pecker in a beaver trap - didn't ever do that again ....

also, when I was a boy, I watched my idiot brother put his pecker in a beaver trap, more than once;
each time he screamed bloody murder and told me how much it hurt - Huh, I'd say, Well, why doncha
try it again, see what it's like this time? and he would ....

when I was a teenager, there was a toothless one-legged whore in town.
we boys were just fascinated by how weird and gross it must be to have sex
with her, what kinda horrible self-loathing and uncleanliness must follow from such an act ...

well, I wasn't about to do it myself, but I was kinda interested in what the experience would
be like, so I talked my buddy Billy Bob into doing it. he did, and said it was even more weird
and scary than we had imagined (we hadn't never thought about the smell of this old
booze-hound, and also didn't know the stump was a weeper)

so while I never actually fucked the toothless one-legged whore myself,
I heard enough about it to know it wasn't something I'd enjoy too much ....



(for the too-literal-minded, the beaver trap and the toothless one-legged whore are Keith's Dune ....)

:dies of laughter: Well said. Well said.

I thought I was pretty well jaded to the best (meaning the worst) the 'Rider could do, but we just pushed the envelope.

I think SandRider should write a sequel to Clive Barkers "Damnation Game".

reverendmotherQ. wrote:But when the misuse of herberts mentioning of the pre-BG as "sorcoresses" I flipped out...

But it says they have REAL POWERS!

Dune wrote:It was a time of sorceresses whose powers were real.

That means they are Jedi. And that means they can play girlish games and be invisible and make fun of boys with cooties like Baron Harkonnen!


In a more serious tone, I'd just love to have a feminazi read KJA. She'd call down the wrath of Ursa Major on his ass! I don't know how a guy who is married and lives with a woman (we do still consider Becca to be a female Homo Sapiens right?) can write women as badly as KJA does, especially when Dune had such strong female characters. Unless Becca's personality is that of a giggiling schoolgirl I can't...


wait...



okay someone shoot me if I ever mention those two things in a sentence again!

I think you can see where I was going.

Yeah, I didn't make it all the way through TBJ. Bad, bad, bad.

I read Hunters and Sandworms, in the hopes there might be some trace of FH in them. That was it forever.

HBJ

SandRider wrote:

rmQ wrote: I still read them so I can rant about how they should stop mutilating Dune.

I stopped reading after the first half of House Atreides - realized that Brian and
the Other Guy weren't real authors, and this was Star-Wars spinoff YA bullshit ...

picked up Hunters in paperback at a grocery store check-out,
(only because of the "From the Notes of Frank Herbert" lie on the back)
read about 10 pages, said "What the FUCK ??", got on the innerwebz to
get some background on these "Notes", ended up here, and the rest is
history and/or mythology ....

anyway, I don't read Keith's trash and still rant about it ....

Keith hates that, - he thinks I'm just a jealous hater - the pretards hate it, too -
how can you hate something you never read ? - I've got several answers to that -
my favorite -

when I was a boy, I put my pecker in a beaver trap - didn't ever do that again ....

also, when I was a boy, I watched my idiot brother put his pecker in a beaver trap, more than once;
each time he screamed bloody murder and told me how much it hurt - Huh, I'd say, Well, why doncha
try it again, see what it's like this time? and he would ....

when I was a teenager, there was a toothless one-legged whore in town.
we boys were just fascinated by how weird and gross it must be to have sex
with her, what kinda horrible self-loathing and uncleanliness must follow from such an act ...

well, I wasn't about to do it myself, but I was kinda interested in what the experience would
be like, so I talked my buddy Billy Bob into doing it. he did, and said it was even more weird
and scary than we had imagined (we hadn't never thought about the smell of this old
booze-hound, and also didn't know the stump was a weeper)

so while I never actually fucked the toothless one-legged whore myself,
I heard enough about it to know it wasn't something I'd enjoy too much ....



(for the too-literal-minded, the beaver trap and the toothless one-legged whore are Keith's Dune ....)

You know...I have a hard time believing that SandRider was simply crafting a metaphor...I think those things really happened...

I'm telling you, the man is a veritable font of wisdom and should write one, if not several, books.

I've read the Butlerian Jihad stuff, and the House Books, and suffered through Hunters and Sandworms. Like most of you, I was really hoping that at least Hunters and Sandworms would hold true to the originals, but of course they didn't. KJA and The Hair are simply incapable of writing on that level. I still own (that is, haven't burned) all of the above except for Sandworms, but then again winter isn't over and I might still need the heat.

The newest books is always worst than the previous one.

SandRider wrote: when I was a boy, I put my pecker in a beaver - didn't ever do that again ....

Funny you should say that...

Everyone should read Sandworms of Dune, just for the experience. The incompetence, abysmal writing, laughable plot and general all-round shittery are scadalously thorough. Their other efforts pale into insignificance beside it. Seriously, you'll be stunned.

chanilover wrote:

SandRider wrote: when I was a boy, I put my pecker in a beaver - didn't ever do that again ....

Funny you should say that...
.

that's funny ....

Chaniluv get cookie :



(somebody else get new sig - do it quick !)

SandRider : when I was a boy, I put my pecker in a beaver{trap} - didn't ever do that again ....
ChaniLover: Funny you should say that...

yes Sadworms of Done was my last one; I read most of them up to this one so I fucking know what I am talking about you preeqs out there!
If I am a hater then it was your moronic hero that made me what I am with his atrocious writing, and that's even without having to measure up with the one and only Dune...

Make no mistake though!

I have no problem with the fact that there are seq/prequels, but that they're so poorly written

Hey here's a real quote for the occasion:

"Often I must speak other than I think. That is called diplomacy."
-Stilgar

I think Hooters of Darn was the worst one and it was only my obcom reading that made me come back for more.
The whole rigmarole with the Handlers was such a disapointment, when these mysterious beings and their origins were such a delight to ponder in the real Dune.

I am actually beginning to forget them, so I hope you'll forgive me not to want to bring back those painful memories, as I am now through the first half of Dune I'd hate to spoil the meeting of Paul with the Fremen, one of my favourite moments of the series I have to say.

Sadworms was the worst for me, by far. In the last third of that book, you could *see* the plot threads unraveling. It was just random spoo.

HBJ

For me, it's a tie between SoD and PoD. Both very bad books. In fact, while I was able to finish Sandworms, I couldn't finish PoD. AND I skipped nearly all of the Young Luke Skywalker aka Young Paul chapters. I have not read Breaking Wind of Dune and will not read any more Hack books.

PoD was just ridiculious, but Sandworms takes the trophie me thinks.....ultra spice....really????