BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER – What my financial planner has made me. STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell. MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased $1000 worth of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It's called the 401-Keg.
I just had to share this e-mail.
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie
Thanks! Yeah, that's what happens when it's slow at work. Her face is melting Raiders-style because the writing sucks so much. I'm thinking about making a more Dune-inspired one, rather than a gay-book-inspired avatar. It's all about the animated GIFs isn't it?
Oh, and call me whatever you wish.
"The Idahos were never ordinary people."
-Reverend Mother Superior Alma Mavis Taraza
