only child

[Nebiros]

My daughter was born last October and I decided that I will have no other children.

I've been recieving a lot of criticism from friends and family for this decision. But I shrug them off. My wife wanted two at first but eventually agreed with me.

I have my reasons for this decision. But what do you guys think? Is growing up with no brothers or sisters good or bad for a child? Will the child be lonely or grow to be more self-reliant?

Only time will tell however if her mother will be over-protective or if the child will be spoiled.

[Nekhrun]

But what do you guys think?

In this particular case I say, "Good call."

[Freakzilla]

I don't think you really qualify as a parent until you have more than one child. One child is easy, like having a pet.

There are so many things you don't get to experience as the parent of a single child, such as, "STOP TOUCHING ME!" and "MINE! MINE! MINE!".

Also, siblings leaern a lot from each other, good and bad.

I was an only child myself. While my wife was the second youngest of five. It's obvious too. With four kids in my house, I can barely stand the chaos while she barely notices it. I think only children may develope more imagination and creativity but they may suffer socially.

[TheDukester]

I was an only child ... and I've made it this far.

Generally speaking, I think it's possible for only children to learn more self-reliance, but that will also be up to the child in question. There's no substitute for motivation.

Personally, I enjoyed being an only child while it was happening. It's only been later in life, as an adult, that I've wondered if it would have been cool to have a sibling.

My wife and I decided to have two children, which, thankfully worked out fine. We talked it over and agreed that the boys having a sibling/playmate/friend would be a good thing.

But there is not a correct answer. Every family is different; every family must decide what is best for its own situation (finances, time, energy, and a dozen other factors).

[GamePlayer]

Don't really have any advice. I'm still working on the opposite sex

[Freakzilla]

Don't really have any advice. I'm still working on the opposite sex

I heard on the news that young people don't date anymore, they just "hook up" on the interwebs.

[GamePlayer]

That's only part of the truth. The internet makes a great media scapegoat, so they jump on it. But the issue is far more complex than that. Best left for another thread

[Freakzilla]

When I was single, I got lots of... "dates" online.

I think it'd be foolish not to use it to meet people.

[Tleszer]

When I was single, I got lots of... "dates" online.

I think it'd be foolish not to use it to meet people.

"dates" eh... did your date happen to be "lefty"?

Could have been "righty" too.

[Freakzilla]

When I was single, I got lots of... "dates" online.

I think it'd be foolish not to use it to meet people.

"dates" eh... did your date happen to be "lefty"?

No, real women! I also learned that the more you lower your standards the better your social life is.

[Crysknife]

I don't have any advice for you but I would just say that if I didn't have my sisters and brothers in my life, I would be out of touch and possibly dead by now.

[Freakzilla]

When I was single, I got lots of... "dates" online.

I think it'd be foolish not to use it to meet people.

"dates" eh... did your date happen to be "lefty"?

No, real women! I also learned that the more you lower your standards the better your social life is.

sounds like you're wading in the shallow end of the quantity vs quality debate

When I was younger, I held out for quality. I found that attractiveness generally varies directly with insanity. The older I got the less picky I became. I learned to settle for average looking women that were only mildly insane. I'm much happier that way.

[Sole Man]

I'm an only child, and I turned out fi...Well...Any way.

But I'm never really alone. My dad's voice can be heard for miles, and the family keeps in constant touch with one another. I like it when I'm alone, by which I mean there is no no one else in the house. Even now I can hear my uncle and cousins talking in the living room. But I digress.

Almost everyone has siblings nowadays, and its contributing to the over-all over population of this god-forsaken planet. I think you're doing your species (And my world domination plans...) a favor by not spawning more off.

As for the child's social health, Fuck it. It never did anybody any good, and just helped raise the crime rates.

[Freakzilla]

Think of this, if every couple only had one child humanity would become extinct.

Every couple must have like 2.4 children to maintain the population level.

The two accounts for you and your mate, the 0.4 accounts for the mortality rate.

[SandRider]

I come from a long line of huge rural Southern familes. My 2nd greatgrandaddy that served with the CSA had 10 kids, his daddy had a mess of kids with one wife, then another mess with a younger woman after the first wife passed on (neat genealogical stuff - I've been in contact with alot of people that've run across my databases on Ancestry, and Rootsweb &etc, that are descended from the first mess - I'm from the second)

But of course back then, the concern was survivial of the children. Altho, in my research, from the early 1800's on, child mortality rates seem a lot lower than conventional wisdom allows. All my ggreatdaddy's children survived, for instance. Most of his daddy's children survived, altho most of the sons were killed by Yankees later on. But I digress.

I think the main considerations people think about today are the welfare of the child, social adjustment, etc
as has been discussed. Financial considerations as well. Can I provide for all these kids ? And so forth.

But I'd like to throw this into the mix - I think it's a matter of statistics. You've got to take in account the
overwhelming odds that the child will turn out to be a complete asshole, no matter what you do. I had three
boys by the same wife. If I had it to do over again, I'd have a bunch of kids by as many women as would
let me. Maybe then, I would have ended up with atleast one child that didn't just disappoint the fuck
out of me.

[GamePlayer]

LOL Hoping for a fantastic child is like hoping to win the lottery?
I wonder what the psychology is on that one? Is it like a Fight Club thing? Everyone is lead to believe their child will be a millionaire, a rock god or a movie star?

Reminds me of a quote from a film (naturally)...

"When you're young, your potential is infinite. You might do anything, really. You might be great. You might be Einstein. You might be Goethe. Then you get to an age when what you might be gives way to what you have been. You weren't Einstein. You weren't anything. That's a bad moment."

[SandRider]

not a 'fantastic' child, GP.
Just one that's not greedy, stupid, slothful, lazy, ignorant, a smartass,
ungrateful, greedy, insensitive, uncaring, incurious, a felon, a mutliple
felon, full of hubris with delusions of grandeur, greedy, unkind, vengeful,
stupid or greedy.

Not too much for a man to ask, is it ?

[Spicelon]

I'm fourth out of 5, and I have two myself. I wouldn't have wanted to have
been an only child, but easy for me to say considering what I grew up with.
I don't necessarily see singlets as being socially disadvantaged. To me
that's more to do with parenting. But, having sibs could be a social
advantage I suppose. Is that possible? If having sibs is an advantage then
does it necessarily follow that not having any is a disadvantage? Fun topic
regardless.

[A Thing of Eternity]

Everything after 2 is a little bit too many in my opinion, and anything over 3 is a tad bit rediculous, making 4 the limit in my opinion. Nothing against people who have more than 2 kids (unless you have more than 5, that's really just inconsiderate bordering on negligent in this day and age), I just give bonus points to people who keep it to 2 or less. I think that a 3rd or 4th child should be adopted if possible, but I understand that's not everyone's opinion, and that it is not always possible.

Some like bigger families, and that's fine, as long as the majority keep it to 2 or less.

We need population to go down, not up. I think I'm going to get the old "snip snip" myself just to make sure I walk the talk.

[SandChigger]

Let's return to the original post.

My daughter was born last October and I decided that I will have no other children.

Why? What is your reasoning? Would you have made a different decision if you'd had a son? (Last October? I thought is was just this October. Like two months ago? Aren't you rushing to a decision a bit quickly?)

Also, read what you wrote: YOU decided that YOU will have no other children. Even though your wife wanted two.

Come on, you say you have your reasons, so let's hear them. Let's hear how you convinced wifey to bow to your decision.

I've been recieving a lot of criticism from friends and family for this decision

.
Good. It's about time someone near to you started giving you some shit back for your narrow, self-centered outlook. It's a pity wifey isn't made of sterner stuff. (How long did it take you to wear her down?)

Only time will tell however if her mother will be over-protective or if the child will be spoiled.

Oh, so it's going to be wifey's fault however the child turns out, right? All you do is stick it in and froth a bit and the rest is her responsibility?

You are a seriously fucked-up piece of work.

[SandRider]

Hum.

Unlike myself, I've not know you to attack someone for no good reason,
so I'll assume there is a history here ....





{goes to check old posts}

[SandRider]

Oh.

Okay.

[SandChigger]

LONG history. Trail starts in the fanfic forums on DN, winds through the limbo that is Arrakeen, and emerges here.

Just when I start to feel more favorably disposed towards him, he goes and does/posts some truly stupid bullshit like this.

(I'm just wondering if he's had wifey get her tubes tied yet. 'Cause that's probably how it would play, rather than him, the man, getting a vasectomy. Am I wrong, Nebby? Surprise me for once. )

[Nebiros]

Did I say something to offend you? My question waas basically how would my daughter develope socially without brothers and sisters. So far I like the replies I get until chig makes a personal attack even though I don't post as often anymore let alone get into confrontation with him.

I have refrained from referring to the BG, I have stopped defending KJA, and no longer post fanfic. So I don't see what the big deal is. It was just a simple question to read some interesting differing views. Nothing more.

It's not bullshit. I'm serious about my decision. So you want to hear my reasons? Well that was not the point of my question but here they are:

I cannot take DOUBLE the responsibility. I do not want twice as many parental responsibilities. It's more than I can personally handle. My wife agrees that if that is the case, best not make a bad father by giving me an unwanted child. Make no mistake, I love my daughter and will do my best to raise her well and with all the love I can provide. But I do not feel a second child is really worth the hassle when I already have one.

I do not want to put my wife through the pains of pregnancy and child birth a second time round. Somebody told me that she will forget how painful child birth was, but I definitely will not forget how much pain she had.

And finally, there is the reason that has already been discussed on this thread. It's not personal. This world needs less people. Too over-populated. Less polution and less use of our natural resources. The world population needs to shrink before it grows. Sometime in the future and at sometime in the past more is better. But at present less is better. My wife does not need to fulfill her desire for a second child. It's for the greater good.

But back to another earlier post. Yes indeed it is a good question: Does an only child have social advantage or disadvantage? I guess the results are mixed and there is no clear answer. I have a cousin who is an only child and she turned out fine.

So I go to my next question: What will I tell my daugher when she asks for a brother or sister to play with? How should I tell her that it's not going to happen?

[SandChigger]

Tell her the truth, what you just wrote:

YOU cannot take DOUBLE the responsibility. YOU do not want twice as many parental responsibilities. It's more than YOU can personally handle. It's ALL about YOU. You probably shouldn't have had any children at all. Poor kid. Fortunately, people can have assholes for parents and still turn out OK.

Your wife is smarter than one would assume given her choice in spouse; seems she might actually be thinking of the children. I have to wonder if you felt this way and discussed it with her before the first baby came, or if you've changed your mind since. (If the latter, wifey has no doubt learned some interesting lessons in a short time. Ah well, for better or worst, right.)

As for the "greater good", wow, you're so fucking noble. I'm sure all the other third world populations popping 'em out faster than they can be counted will thank you for leaving a wee bit more space for their offspring who survive childhood to occupy.