inhuien wrote:4 people in the carriage of a train - a Scotsman, a
> pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and an
> Englishman.It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In
> the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and
> when the train emerges from the tunnel the Englishman is
> rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
> > The old lady thinks "I bet that Englishman
> fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him".
The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the
> Englishman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by
> mistake,and she hit him".
> > The Englishman thinks "I bet that Scotsman fondled the
> > blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me
> and hit me".
> > The Scotsman thinks "I hope there's another
> tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that English twat again".
loved it.
What fear is there in the night?
Nothing, but that which is in our own imaginations.
Thought some of you might get of kick out of this. A male friend of mine sent this email to me.
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8] Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
I know some of you might have seen it already, but I thought it was funny. Enjoy.
What fear is there in the night?
Nothing, but that which is in our own imaginations.
Eyes High wrote:Thought some of you might get of kick out of this. A male friend of mine sent this email to me.
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8] Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
I know some of you might have seen it already, but I thought it was funny. Enjoy.
It's funny 'cause it's true
"The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand." - Frank Herbert
“This tutoring is dialectical. Literature makes us better noticers of life; we get to practice on life itself; which in turn makes us better readers of detail in literature; which in turn makes us better readers of life. And so on and on.” - James Wood
GamePlayer wrote:Somehow they missed "Does this make me look fat?" which is a no-win question
Too true..I'll give you that one. Although that might actually should go on a list of questions that have no right answers: such as: "Do you think she's pretty?"
What fear is there in the night?
Nothing, but that which is in our own imaginations.
The Grammy winner spits from the top
of the dome for this track “Different Girls.”
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
GamePlayer wrote:Somehow they missed "Does this make me look fat?" which is a no-win question
Too true..I'll give you that one. Although that might actually should go on a list of questions that have no right answers: such as: "Do you think she's pretty?"
Just grab her ass and say "Feels Alright to me"
By her I mean your significant other, not the woman she's asking if you think is pretty.
GamePlayer wrote:Somehow they missed "Does this make me look fat?" which is a no-win question
Too true..I'll give you that one. Although that might actually should go on a list of questions that have no right answers: such as: "Do you think she's pretty?"
Just grab her ass and say "Feels Alright to me"
By her I mean your significant other, not the woman she's asking if you think is pretty.
but what do i know i'm single again.
You mean it's wrong to fondle the other woman's ass? What a world!
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie
GamePlayer wrote:Somehow they missed "Does this make me look fat?" which is a no-win question
Too true..I'll give you that one. Although that might actually should go on a list of questions that have no right answers: such as: "Do you think she's pretty?"
Just grab her ass and say "Feels Alright to me"
By her I mean your significant other, not the woman she's asking if you think is pretty.
but what do i know i'm single again.
You mean it's wrong to fondle the other woman's ass? What a world!
What am I supposed to do when I get bored in line at the bank?
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus. ~Pink Snowman
GamePlayer wrote:Somehow they missed "Does this make me look fat?" which is a no-win question
Too true..I'll give you that one. Although that might actually should go on a list of questions that have no right answers: such as: "Do you think she's pretty?"
Just grab her ass and say "Feels Alright to me"
By her I mean your significant other, not the woman she's asking if you think is pretty.
but what do i know i'm single again.
You mean it's wrong to fondle the other woman's ass? What a world!
What am I supposed to do when I get bored in line at the bank?
I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
Omphalos wrote:I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
How'd you manage that one?
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie
Omphalos wrote:I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
How'd you manage that one?
He gave up sex for a year.
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus. ~Pink Snowman
Omphalos wrote:I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
My wife always has Robin Meade on Headline News turned on for me in the morning when I wake up for similar reasons.
Omphalos wrote:I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
How'd you manage that one?
He gave up sex for a year.
Bah! My wife even laughs with me when I fart under the covers.
Omphalos wrote:I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
How'd you manage that one?
He gave up sex for a year.
Bah! My wife even laughs with me when I fart under the covers.
Omphalos wrote:I have my wife trained to yell "boobs and bush!" whenever Im not in the room and said body parts come on the TV, just like in Knocked Up. Life is pretty good for me.
My wife always has Robin Meade on Headline News turned on for me in the morning when I wake up for similar reasons.
We were watching Dewey Cox recently and everytime that guy's penis came on the screen I would yell "Honey! Cock!"
)
