Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

Posted: **16 Mar 2012 20:28**

Omphalos wrote:
D Pope wrote:
Ampoliros wrote:
Nekhrun wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Today, 9:39 AM
TheKJA: Thanks to the idiot who used a DVD to scrub out pots and pans, then returned it to the rental box so I could have a special movie experience
That pan scrapper just earned the world an extra day of not having content edited by KJA. He's a goddamn hero.
St. Unknown Pot-scrubber of the DVD.
Having been recommended by Nekhrun, Ampoliros, and the kja, I am pleased to beatify the Unknown Pot-scrubber of the DVD!
With the approval of my fellow Cast Out, he may become St. Unknown Pot-scrubber of the DVD, in the Order of Orthodox Herbertarians.

Unknown Pot-scrubber of the DVD, intercede for us when literature is threatened by a hack!
I cannot vote for a "saint" who performed only one miracle; that of frustrating the KJA so that he bitcheth upon the Twat.

Yeah, we may need one more miracle. I'm convinced we'll have it soon because Steve can't go a week without bitching.

Posted: **16 Mar 2012 22:18**

Miracle 1 KJA movie experience ruined.
Miracle 2 KJA has to get off his own fat ass, return movie, ignore existence of streaming video.
Miracle 3 KJA is so pissed, he passes up streaming video again while online, to bitch about it on twitter where all can see.

I'm putting $5 that the movie was either Green Lantern or one of the Bay Transformers.

Hmm, scratch that (no pun intended...) the disk was either watched to death or destroyed.

Yeah, had to be Twilight: Breaking Dawn, part I.

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 02:21**

Fact 1: He's too much of a dumb ass to wash the disk.

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 09:03**

He probably fucked up the disk himself but it trying to set up his alibi so he doesn't get charged for it by Netflix.

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 10:12**

Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:23 PM
TheKJA: Man, I hate spending 20 minutes booking airline tix online, then receive message "Sorry, website error. Please try back later."

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 10:45**

Life is so hard.

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 11:07**

Nekhrun wrote:He probably fucked up the disk himself but it trying to set up his alibi so he doesn't get charged for it by Netflix

.
I don't know, Nek. He strikes me more like a Red Box kind of guy, but yeah, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he's the author of his own special movie experience.

Chapter 1
"He's an adventurous and outdoorsy kinda guy!"
- preface to Life of Keith.

While dicktahiking some chapters at home, 14evin decided to multitask some new book ideas by
watching a new dvd. Unfortunately, between the outline, recorder, and the sea of awards that
crowd the tv top, he fumbled and dropped the dvd. (To be more specific, he sacrificed the dvd to
save his faux Hugo)(At first glance, the award looks like an old bowling trophy but close inspection
reveals a length of masking tape that reads,
"Hugo for 14evin
Scifi Literacher")

Chapter 2
"Who can say what fired the imagination of a genius like Steve,
he was really on the next level."
- A Critics Guide to The Master of Universes

This poor disk did not receive its mortal damage until kevie, avoiding an old McRib box, trod upon it.
His rage was such that after he lost interest in complaining to his wife, he destroyed three planets and
enslaved an alien population. "That'll teach 'em," he mumbled to himself as he opened a bottle of Acme Beer.
(By all official accounts from Acme Microbrew LLC, their Raspberry Lemongrass Honeywietzen won all
the acclaim and awards Acme Microbrew LLC critics and judges could bestow, however, low pubic interest
resulted in a very "Exclusive" production run. In reality, kevie can hardly choke the crap down but like so
many things he can't understand, he plows onward for appearance sake. )

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 12:19**

SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:23 PM
TheKJA: Man, I hate spending 20 minutes booking airline tix online, then receive message "Sorry, website error. Please try back later."

20mn to book a flight ? Does he use voice recognition software ?
You have selected "crash site to the next bear-shaped meteor"

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 12:23**

lotek wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:23 PM
TheKJA: Man, I hate spending 20 minutes booking airline tix online, then receive message "Sorry, website error. Please try back later."
20mn to book a flight ? Does he use voice recognition software ?

No shit. What airline wants to let a customer dick around for 20 minutes trying to decide if he wants to spend the extra $20 for an exit row seat? They've got money to make asshole, select your flight and get on with your life.

I'll bet he was also trying to find the route that would give him the most frequent flyer miles.

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 13:01**

Nekhrun wrote:
lotek wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:23 PM
TheKJA: Man, I hate spending 20 minutes booking airline tix online, then receive message "Sorry, website error. Please try back later."
20mn to book a flight ? Does he use voice recognition software ?
No shit. What airline wants to let a customer dick around for 20 minutes trying to decide if he wants to spend the extra $20 for an exit row seat? They've got money to make asshole, select your flight and get on with your life.

I'll bet he was also trying to find the route that would give him the most frequent flyer miles.

His typist is off this weekend so it took him a while to enter his name, address and credit card number.

Posted: **17 Mar 2012 18:55**

Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:23 PM
TheKJA: Man, I hate spending 20 minutes booking airline tix online, then receive message "Sorry, website error. Please try back later."

That's funny, I can relate to this latest tw@t, after all:

I hate spending my formative years in awe of a masterpiece of science fiction only to watch it get ass fucked by a philistine hack.

Posted: **21 Mar 2012 07:06**

FACEBOOK

Kevin J. Anderson > Official Kevin J. Anderson Page
"OK, just gave up on ALCATRAZ. Tired of the "random escaped prisoner-killer of the week." Gave up on GRIMM a few days ago."

Wait, -HE- gives up on repetitive, nonsequitur plots lazily used as a device of entertainment?!

Posted: **21 Mar 2012 07:30**

E. LeGuille wrote:FACEBOOK
Kevin J. Anderson > Official Kevin J. Anderson Page
"OK, just gave up on ALCATRAZ. Tired of the "random escaped prisoner-killer of the week." Gave up on GRIMM a few days ago."
Wait, -HE- gives up on repetitive, nonsequitur plots lazily used as a device of entertainment?!

Posted: **21 Mar 2012 10:10**

E. LeGuille wrote:FACEBOOK
Kevin J. Anderson > Official Kevin J. Anderson Page
"OK, just gave up on ALCATRAZ. Tired of the "random escaped prisoner-killer of the week." Gave up on GRIMM a few days ago."
Wait, -HE- gives up on repetitive, nonsequitur plots lazily used as a device of entertainment?!

I thought he wrote it.

Posted: **21 Mar 2012 20:42**

Twitter / TheKJA
Today, 6:38 PM
TheKJA: Car oil change this morning, eye dr. appt this afternoon. Barely managed to write 8 new pages, but you do what you can. The words demand it.

Posted: **21 Mar 2012 21:24**

SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Today, 6:38 PM
TheKJA: Car oil change this morning, eye dr. appt this afternoon. Barely managed to write 8 new pages, but you do what you can. The words demand it.

Damn what a trooper. He could've mumbled out a few chapters while in the waiting room at Jiffy Lube. His recorder must've been in the shop as well.

Also, does anyone else find the phrasing there strange? "Car oil change" What the fuck would people think if he just said, Oil change? No shit it's a car oil change.

Also, oil changes are for chumps.

Posted: **21 Mar 2012 22:59**

I'll drink to that.

Posted: **28 Mar 2012 07:50**

Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 5:49 PM
TheKJA: By my count, I've published 113 books, and today is my 50th birthday: an average of 2.3 books per year since I was born. Been busy so far.

Posted: **28 Mar 2012 08:08**

Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 5:49 PM
TheKeith: By my count, I've messed with quite a few franchises, and today is my 50th birthday: an average of 2.3 literary rapes per year since I was born. Been busy so far. Your favourite series could be next.

Posted: **29 Mar 2012 06:58**

Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:35 PM
TheKJA: On my 50th birthday I went over 5000 Twitter followers (but I was at a party at the time).

Posted: **29 Mar 2012 12:00**

James Patterson, Bestselling Author, 10k+ twitter followers

Dean Koontz, Bestselling Author, 10k+ twitter followers*
*co-wrote a book with & Kevin J Anderson that was so poorly received by his fan base that he re-wrote it himself.

Hey, this is a fun game!

Brandon Sanderson, Bestselling Author, "friend" of KJA 32,872 followers.

Ouch

And here's the kicker, I doubt any of those authors gives a shit how many followers he got on his birthday.

Posted: **29 Mar 2012 12:13**

Are you implying they didn't give a damn about the said birthday ?

Posted: **29 Mar 2012 14:08**

SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:35 PM
TheKJA: On my 50th birthday I went over 5000 Twitter followers (but I was at a party at the time).

I wonder whose party he went to...

Posted: **29 Mar 2012 14:27**

DuneFishUK wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 10:35 PM
TheKJA: On my 50th birthday I went over 5000 Twitter followers (but I was at a party at the time).
I wonder whose party he went to...

Pants party... his own.

Posted: **03 Apr 2012 08:54**

Twitter / TheKJA
Yesterday, 11:41 PM
TheKJA: Full Screen Mode in Word—kills distractions and helps concentration. Why did I not figure this out earlier? Hellooooo productivity.

Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

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