Page 2 of 9
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 11:57
by Tleilax Master B
Ampoliros wrote:what super weapons do we expect to see. you know KJA can't do any thing without making a super-duper better than yours weapon!
I predict that it will be a spice-laser that is like a lasgun, but only kills your target. It also gives preteens erections. It is powered by water and ultra-spice precursor. It will be mentioned as being much more dangerous, powerful, and efficent than a weirding module. it looks something like a small box with 2 small metal handlebars called an em-mitter
Paul doesn't need it now with his Kwizjedi powers. He just uses choking and lightning to lay down the enemy forces from the front line. Then to inspire the enemy with awe, he makes it rain. Then he is heralded as a great diplomat by converting his captives with Dianetics. However he still dual-wields katanas, which if he concentrates turn into ultrasabers.
The Duncan ghola is sent to Amzonia to seduce their warrior queen. She keeps calling him Kir'c and sends assassins to kill Alia. Alia seduces the assassins and Duncan returns to spend the rest of the book in orgies learning how to sexually enslave women. One of the assassins turns out to be Fayd's daughter and stabs Paul's lookalike body double accidentally. However Paul is still alive and feels the pain of his double. She realizes this and attacks the real Paul, who seduces her with mind control ( and more rain) and bribes her with the secret of ultra spice. she reveals herself to be a Tleilaxu super FD from the future sent to warn him about the machine threat, but to preserve the timeline she cant tell him any details, and because she loves him, she stabs herself first with the dagger to cleanse it of the autopoison. Paul takes the dagger and stabs himself for causing her so much pain, but doesn't die, his life is saved by a 2-1b droid. This begins Duncan thinking back to his days when he served in the Butlerian Jihad and how could man and machine ever live in peace?
as usual, it ends with some couple reaffirming their eternal love for each other. (If you haven't noticed, KJA does this in every novel he's ever written.)
...btw i just realized how ludicrious this book will be. The jihad makes the holocaust look like a misdemeanor and you know they will make Paul look heroic as if he is battling some barbarian horde or the last remanants of the dying empire legions of stor....sardaukar.
Praying for Boulders
Great first post Ampoliros! Welcome aboard!
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 12:11
by Ampoliros
ty ty. one thing that really makes me hate KJA is that his writing is very similar to my early writting. not because they are both anal leakage, but because he gets paid for writting things i'd never show to my friends.
still it is fun to shut down the logic/factological portion of my brain and do a little predicting of my own.
p.s. Gaeta is the final cylon (for those BSG fans here)
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 12:34
by orald
KJA is the final cylon!
I kinda got lost halfway through your prediction, Ampo.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 12:55
by A Thing of Eternity
You ass, I've been not watching that show all season so I can buy it and watch it at my own pace (marathon). I'm going to try and forget thatt now.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 13:07
by SandChigger
Ampoliros wrote:as usual, it ends with some couple reaffirming their eternal love for each other. (If you haven't noticed, KJA does this in every novel he's ever written.)
It's because, as a young hiker, he was so MOVED by FH's CH:D tribute to wife BH.
Praying for Boulders
You and me both!
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 13:14
by The Sons of Idaho
Ampoliros wrote:
p.s. Gaeta is the final cylon (for those BSG fans here)
I'm going to assume that's a joke and forget it as well.
I watched the first two episodes of the season (sub-standard compared to the previous seasons, if you ask me), but will probably wait to watch them all at once as well.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE for the love of the Gods don't ruin anything for me.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 13:23
by Nekhrun
Ampoliros wrote:what super weapons do we expect to see. you know KJA can't do any thing without making a super-duper better than yours weapon!
Damn, I forgot about that. Good first post. We're talking about the guy who invented the SUNCRUSHER here. I'm thinking some kind of mega weirding module
I'll bet they have Rhombur cook something up with his family atomics.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 14:29
by SandChigger
Huh?
Oh, right! You mean the microwave oven attachment up his ass! I'd forgotten all about that!
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 15:20
by Ampoliros
gaeta is my personal theory. i believe it with absolute conviction even if he is the 13th cylon who is never revealed.
yes, suncrusher...a ship so powerful it cant be destroyed by its own weapon, which just so happens is bad ass enough to destroy a star with a torpedo (nevermind that a torpedo would melt thousands of miles from the sun anyway...) and requires the most powerful jedi in existance to fly...who just happens to be a creation of the author.
[EDIT: according to wookieepedia its a plasma torpedo...wont melt then...lets see a small torpedo amount of plasma against a sun, which uses plasma as fuel...No No, its resonating! So the star is destroyed by the power of music! how special]
in his defense the tales of the jedi series was pretty decent. he should have stopped there. Correction, can we retcon the boulder in here?
but i digest...
I kinda got lost halfway through your prediction, Ampo.
not suprised, remember who I'm emulating! logic BAH! teh world runs on loves and MAGIKSZ.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 15:24
by Phaedrus
Really, I'm foreseeing a lot of bad, drawn-out battle scenes of the Jihad. A couple assassination attempts so Paul can get in on the action. Hell, they might even put the Mahdi into the thick of the battle. And don't forget Serena in Paul's head.
Jessica of Dune will probably be some shitty interpretation of Jessica's effect on the Jihad. Which I imagine will include certain parallels to Serena. I don't really know what they think they can do with Jessica, though. She's kind of boring after Dune.
They say that Irulan of Dune is going to be set after Dune Messiah, so I imagine it'll be the story of the heroic job of raising twins who are already adults. And I imagine there'll be some girl-on-girl action, with the newly GOOD Irulan taking on the obviously EVIL Alia.
I greatly fear Leto of Dune. It's bound to be the worst of the four, because as much as they misunderstand Paul and all the other characters, they'll never come close to cracking Leto II. Didn't they say something about him torturing humanity for no reason and the Golden Path being the work of a crackpot? Or something like that?
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 15:31
by Ampoliros
hey don't fear Leto of Dune. i say we all go buy our own copy. every one of us. hardcopy, day one.
then we hold a barbeque...
Lets see if Guiness Book of World Records will admit it as most burned book in history. Lets even try to get the entry on the same page as Kevin's book signing.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 16:11
by orald
Phaedrus wrote:And I imagine there'll be some girl-on-girl action, with the newly GOOD Irulan taking on the obviously EVIL Alia.
I just creamed myself.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 16:29
by Tleszer
Don't forget, Stilgar will apparently almost drown during Paul's jihad.
Anyone think that Sabiha will make an appearance?
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 16:39
by orald
Paul will be possesed by his most powerful ancestor, even though he already had a defined personallity when he converted the WoL.
This ancestor is of course
Chuck Norris.
That's the real reason for how Paul impregnated Chaney even with the contraseptive.
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 23:36
by Robspierre
orald wrote:Phaedrus wrote:And I imagine there'll be some girl-on-girl action, with the newly GOOD Irulan taking on the obviously EVIL Alia.
I just creamed myself.
Three times here
Rob
Posted: 17 Apr 2008 23:59
by orald
Robspierre wrote:Three times here
Rob
Methinks we need to meet sometime.
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 01:23
by Tyrant
orald wrote:Paul will be possesed by his most powerful ancestor, even though he already had a defined personallity when he converted the WoL.
This ancestor is of course
Chuck Norris.
That's the real reason for how Paul impregnated Chaney even with the contraseptive.
well they do say that Chuch Norris wakes up every morning with a massive hard on, just like all other red blooded americans
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 03:08
by orald
Calling it a "hard on" doesn't do it justice. Chuck Norris beats sandworms to a bloody pulp with his dick to shake it out.
Chuck Norris once cut a shigga wire with nothing but the hairs on his balls.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to see no-ships. He just makes a grimace and they all explode from fear.
Chuck Norris once set his fart on fire. Later the HM took credit for it, saying something about some BG bashar running loose on the planet.
KJA's mom once refused to have sex with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris kicked her ass so bad she gave birth to KJA.
Oh, I could go on forever...well, not really. The only one who can is Chuck Norris.
Yea, I know you gave a Madox quote there.
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 03:33
by Tyrant
orald wrote:Yea, I know you gave a Madox quote there.
i need to get that book so bad
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 04:15
by SandChigger
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 14:44
by Robspierre
No worries my days of experimentation were a decade ago
Rob
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 16:41
by orald
No worries, he's fugly.
Posted: 18 Apr 2008 16:54
by Ampoliros
I keep hoping KJA will get distracted by that gold mine that is Robert Jordan's Wheel of time. Its perfect for him, and endless series of 500+ page books.
Its time he moved on and pissed on someone else's favorite series.
Posted: 19 Apr 2008 00:33
by SandChigger
I'm spreading the rumor that he's going after Adam's
Hitchhiker series next.
I mean, there's still a lot of story there to tell!
Dayum...can you imagine how painful Kevin
trying to write funny could be.
Whoa.
Posted: 19 Apr 2008 01:03
by orald
Kevin could really do well by teaming up with Terry Goodkind. Seriously.