Paul of Dune spoilers

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 21 Sep 2008 19:55

The best thing they've written yet, no?

I didn't read it today and hence won't be posting a review any time soon.

I'm almost GLAD I had to have a plumber in and spent most of the day clearing a fallen plum tree limb.

Rakis · Post by **Rakis** » 21 Sep 2008 22:41

SandChigger wrote:The best thing they've written yet, no?

I didn't read it today and hence won't be posting a review any time soon.

I'm almost GLAD I had to have a plumber in and spent most of the day clearing a fallen plum tree limb.

You had a plumber in to...work the sewer? And it's different from reading PoD because?...

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 22 Sep 2008 06:27

No, actually I had to have my hot water heater replaced. This morning I get to dig a new sump pit and put in a new pump! Whoo-hoo, good times!

Anyway...cloaked in equal measures of disgust and despair, Chigger stole a few moments of solace on his favorite boards, waiting for it to get light and warm up a bit outside....

Has anyone else reading this sucker noticed how many characters are "cloaked" in this or that?

I guess it was the flavor of the month metaphor when Kevin was out hiking earlier this year and last.

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 22 Sep 2008 08:16

Oh fucking hell...they couldn't leave fogwood alone, either.

FH in The Terminology of the Imperium wrote:ECAZ: fourth planet of Alpha Centauri B; the sculptors' paradise, so called because it is the home of fogwood, the plant growth capable of being shaped in situ solely by the power of human thought.

FH left the exact nature of the trees and how they responded to that "telepathic sculpting" rather open to interpretation.

What K&B have done is conceive of trees that can respond rather rapidly to external stimuli.

Hell, if they could talk and walk around, you'd think they're Ents.

So...Leto is betrothed to a young woman from House Ecaz (you remember them, right?

) who gets slaughtered at the wedding by those flying sawblades. As if Archduke Ecaz hasn't enough problems with losing a daughter(?) and having one of his arms cut off, some cluck named Prince Vlad revolts on the "Elacca continent". (He's actually in cohoots with the Moritani nutters on Grumman and the Harkonnens.) Duke Leto and Gurney volunteer to infiltrate and assassinate the rebel leader, in keeping with the traditional forms of a War of Assassins.

When they get there, they find the Prince's fortress is high above the ground, a palace of sorts grown from a number of giant fogwood trees standing in a circle. They implant some sort of electrical devices into the bark of each tree, which when fired cause the trees to reform the previous rooms into cells with strong wooden bar walls.

Gawd that is just so shit it's not even possible to say something funny about it.

Shit shit shit.

Mr. Teg · Post by **Mr. Teg** » 22 Sep 2008 09:07

SandChigger wrote:Oh fucking hell...they couldn't leave fogwood alone, either.

They implant some sort of electrical devices into the bark of each tree, which when fired cause the trees to reform the previous rooms into cells with strong wooden bar walls.

Gawd that is just so shit it's not even possible to say something funny about it.

Shit shit shit.

Damnit coffee spill!

(Welcome to Larrytown!)

Serkanner · Post by **Serkanner** » 22 Sep 2008 10:00

Are you making this up again Chigger? This example can not be real ... seriously, it just can not.

TheDukester · Post by **TheDukester** » 22 Sep 2008 10:26

You're bluffing, right? Nothing could be that bad.

A Thing of Eternity · Post by **A Thing of Eternity** » 22 Sep 2008 12:03

You're not getting me twice. I call BS.

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 22 Sep 2008 15:51

Pay up, suckahs!

I thought I made it clear after I got my copy of the book (for real) that I would not be publishing any more "fictions" of my own.

I'm stinky and my back is killing me and this damned UK paperback (BIGGER than the bleeding hardcover, I'll wager

) is a bitch to keep open while typing. I'll post quotes with page numbers later. (Unless Ampoliros or someone else with/who has read the book confirms the details before I can get to it.)

Ampoliros · Post by **Ampoliros** » 22 Sep 2008 17:13

pg 294 is the page SC is referring to.

They also mention in the beginning of the chapter that artists with telepathic abilities were selected from across the Imperium to mold the trees.

I've finished it. I'm going to schedule a cat-scan to see if I've developed any brain damage reading this.

I can go on and on and on. I'm not kidding when I say there is an inconsistency of one form or another on at least every other page. I found at least two that I can remember that contradict the previous paragraph.

Oh, and I found where Paul 'changes'. Its on page 439, iirc, It's kinda temporary because he's back to his old self the next chapter.

I want Marie to be real so that I can kill her. Dude, my prescient abilities were going off like four-alarm fires in the assassination scene. Like I said before, she is literally a KJA super-weapon, with no explanation given as to why she is (for all intense purposes) an equal of Alia or Paul. It's hinted that she maybe pre-born, Fenring deflects his answer. It does seem to suggest that Marie is as wise as Alia even without all of her OM. KJA comes up with a bullshit 'childhood experiment' in order to write off Alia as a simple little girl with super powers.

The moniker St. Alia of the Knife does not come from this scene as the writer's claim. There is no explanation in FH's work but I absolutely refuse their explanation. Alia will always be Alia of the 'Attitude of the Knife' to me from now on.

Oh, apparently Korba is corrupt, has always been corrupt, and was even trying to get Muad'dib killed when he 'failed' to adequately disarm Sardaukar in Book III of Dune.

Thufir Hawat would kill 90% of Muad'dib's security guards if he was still alive. Apparently rigging Muad'dib's personal furniture and rooms with hidden assassination tools is easier than picking your nose.

Apparently, Muad'dib is no longer prescient, he has 'dreams' which are 'foggy'.

It takes him FOUR YEARS to figure out that the Separatists are being shuttled around by the Spacing Guild. He then REWARDS the Guild for complying with his demand that they dump the Separatists in deep space and maroon them. (i'm using this word, borrowed from the Clone Wars, since this entire plot belongs in that universe, not in Dune.)
I do want to hire the Security Guard for the navigator that talked back to Paul Muad'dib when he demanded entrance. That took balls. Then again, we're talking about KJA's Paul. Nevermind.

Paul divines that the separatists intend to attack and sterilize Caladan. (This is when he realized that the guild is helping them.) He's on 'walkabout' (my term) out in the desert seeking seclusion to focus his prescience. He sees the plot, then signals the feydakin ornithopter that has been following him, apparently to rush back to town and confront the Guild. The next chapter has him arriving in Arrakeen, UNANNOUNCED AND ON FOOT. He demands to see a local Guild official to arrange a shuttle. What? Was my brain chewing on itself again? He takes time to go through proper channels? He walks home, from the desert, when there is a ride flying around? Forget Dune, DO YOU GUYS READ YOUR OWN FUCKING BOOKS?!?!?!??!?

Oh, Not one single reference to Paul feeling like he's going mad. Not one. However, when he is in a knife fight with an assassin in the 'Young Paul" section, it mentions him as having no qualms about killing his opponent. Duncan kills the assassin, not Paul, but the damage is still done. I bet they were patting their own backs on not screwing that part up.

Ugh, time to update my Amazon review. "there is something fundamentally wrong with whoever gives this book more than 1 star on a spiritual, physical, intellectual, cultural, and ethical level. To anyone who does, you are a retard, or a slave, or you got paid to give this more than 1 star. This is an indisputable truth recognized by anyone who has actually read the book. I'm saying publicly that there is something wrong with anyone who thinks this book deserves more than 1 star. This is the worst book to ever be published in Human History.

Post by **Freakzilla** » 22 Sep 2008 17:20

Mr. Teg · Post by **Mr. Teg** » 22 Sep 2008 18:50

Ampoliros wrote: This is the worst book to ever be published in Human History.

Well, actually....no. Guess, you haven't read Brian's other book.

MUTATIS!!!!

A Thing of Eternity · Post by **A Thing of Eternity** » 22 Sep 2008 21:03

Rakis · Post by **Rakis** » 22 Sep 2008 22:32

Prince Vlad? Really?

Ampoliros · Post by **Ampoliros** » 22 Sep 2008 23:04

Mr. Teg wrote:
Ampoliros wrote: This is the worst book to ever be published in Human History.
Well, actually....no. Guess, you haven't read Brian's other book.

MUTATIS!!!!

I haven't read it, but I'm assuming it isn't a sacrilege to a 'triumph of the imagination' such as Dune.

Ampoliros · Post by **Ampoliros** » 22 Sep 2008 23:16

TheDukester wrote:Here's your spoilers:

Paul of Dune will read like an editor-less first draft dictated by a looney-tune out dodging squirrels on a hike.

Yes.

It will show a complete disrespect for the source material, most noticeable in the hundreds of inconsistencies and errors that will be spotted by even casual fans of the originals.

yes....

It will be a cynical cash-grab that exploits a story that doesn't need to be told by "authors" without enough talent to tell it.

yep. 3 for 3.

What are you, prescient?

Mr. Teg · Post by **Mr. Teg** » 23 Sep 2008 00:05

Ampoliros wrote:
Mr. Teg wrote:
Ampoliros wrote: This is the worst book to ever be published in Human History.
Well, actually....no. Guess, you haven't read Brian's other book.

MUTATIS!!!!
I haven't read it, but I'm assuming it isn't a sacrilege to a 'triumph of the imagination' such as Dune.

No, only the human spirit

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 23 Sep 2008 05:47

I read a bit of the Grumman attack scenes this morning, the bit where the Grummans release wild stallions to sow confusion among the Ecazi and Atreides soldiers.

Something about all that dust being thrown up...wouldn't that interfere with the shields? Or is it just a sandstorm on Arrakis that does that?

Anyway...the horses with their "war spikes" penetrating some of the shields and killing soldiers (Paul almost gets it from one as well)...that was truly memorable.

The scene also brings up the old problem of whether a shield would protect someone hit by a more massive object. The horses are described as knocking some of the soldiers over. I'm thinking Conservation of Energy and other problems here....

Oh, sorry! Silly me: what does Science have to do with Science Fiction?

A Thing of Eternity · Post by **A Thing of Eternity** » 23 Sep 2008 12:37

SandChigger wrote: The scene also brings up the old problem of whether a shield would protect someone hit by a more massive object. The horses are described as knocking some of the soldiers over. I'm thinking Conservation of Energy and other problems here....

Oh, sorry! Silly me: what does Science have to do with Science Fiction?

Shame on you - thinking critically.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » 23 Sep 2008 12:52

I tought that the war of assasins wasn't a common war but using mentats, poison, etc. some subterfuge also.

The Sons of Idaho · Post by **The Sons of Idaho** » 23 Sep 2008 13:51

SandChigger wrote:Something about all that dust being thrown up...wouldn't that interfere with the shields? Or is it just a sandstorm on Arrakis that does that?

I'm pretty sure the sandstorm/shield thing on Arrakis wouldn't apply. It wasn't the dust that was the problem, but the static electricity built up in the area.

The scene also brings up the old problem of whether a shield would protect someone hit by a more massive object. The horses are described as knocking some of the soldiers over. I'm thinking Conservation of Energy and other problems here....

I remember this being mentioned before, and I'm kinda curious... Did you guys ever figure out an explaination of what would happen?

chanilover · Post by **chanilover** » 23 Sep 2008 13:57

SandChigger wrote: Anyway...the horses with their "war spikes" penetrating some of the shields and killing soldiers (Paul almost gets it from one as well)...that was truly memorable.

Warrior unicorns! Sounds hyptastic.

Ampoliros · Post by **Ampoliros** » 23 Sep 2008 14:06

I imagine the shield would fail. Large objects would have enough momentum and mass that the shield would slow it, but it's still coming; the shield would not protect you.

For medium objects and glancing blows I imagine it would. Shielded people being knocked over by horses makes sense to me. The blades on the horse however would NOT penetrate the shield. I imagine a shield would even give some, but not total protection against trampling by a Horse.

I don't think a shield would protect you from a long fall either.

Lets get back to talking about how much Marie sucks. I hate that bitch

The Sons of Idaho · Post by **The Sons of Idaho** » 23 Sep 2008 14:58

Ampoliros wrote:. The blades on the horse however would NOT penetrate the shield.

The horses were trained in sheild fighting, so they knew to move slow on the attack and fast on defense. They're products of a failed Tleilaxu Kwisatz-Horse-Haderach program, so theyre naturally talented fighters.

Lundse · Post by **Lundse** » 23 Sep 2008 15:05

The Sons of Idaho wrote:
Ampoliros wrote:. The blades on the horse however would NOT penetrate the shield.
The horses were trained in sheild fighting, so they knew to move slow on the attack and fast on defense. They're products of a failed Tleilaxu Kwisatz-Horse-Haderach program, so theyre naturally talented fighters.

Am I the only one who notices how the lines start to blur between our parodies of the hacks writing, and the writing itself?
This is not much sillier than the 'reprogram the trees into prison cells'-idea, nor complete rewrite of themes in the 'Dune 7'-books.

J A C U R U T U

Paul of Dune spoilers

Foggy...wooden...writing

Re: Foggy...wooden...writing