Jokes from a spambot
- DuneFishUK
- Posts: 1991
- Joined: 25 May 2008 14:14
- Location: Cool Britannia
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Jokes from a spambot
I keep getting comments on my Dune Font site from a spammer selling cheap pills. Usually I'd completely block him straight away... but this one cunningly camouflages his intent with a witty joke.
I say "witty joke" ... I mean "joke so awful it borders on being brilliant"...
So far:
What do ghouls wear on their feet in the rain?!? GHOULOSHES!!!
Homeowner: My house is located in an earthquake zone. Agent: Sorry, but I can't help you. I only sell no-fault insurance!
Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a car? He was playing on the road again.
What did the sailor say when he saw a boat loaded with ewes? Sheep ahoy!
Where did King Tut go to ease his back pain? The Cairo-practor!
Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!!
How do you get a frog off the back window of your car? Use the rear defrogger.
What do you call bedtime stories for boats? Ferry tales.
Did you hear that NASA has launched several Holsteins into low earth orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.
Where does satisfaction come from? A satisfactory.
What do you need to split an atom? A fission License.
What would you get if you put a light bulb in a suit of armor? A knightlight.
What did the worm say to the caterpillar? What did you do to get that fur coat?
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door!
What do you call a bunch of dancing pebbles? The Rockettes.
Did you hear about the two men who walked into a bar? The third one ducked.
What do termites do to relax? Take a coffee table break!!
(I think I might try and sell some of these to MI6 for interrogations)
I say "witty joke" ... I mean "joke so awful it borders on being brilliant"...
So far:
What do ghouls wear on their feet in the rain?!? GHOULOSHES!!!
Homeowner: My house is located in an earthquake zone. Agent: Sorry, but I can't help you. I only sell no-fault insurance!
Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a car? He was playing on the road again.
What did the sailor say when he saw a boat loaded with ewes? Sheep ahoy!
Where did King Tut go to ease his back pain? The Cairo-practor!
Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!!
How do you get a frog off the back window of your car? Use the rear defrogger.
What do you call bedtime stories for boats? Ferry tales.
Did you hear that NASA has launched several Holsteins into low earth orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.
Where does satisfaction come from? A satisfactory.
What do you need to split an atom? A fission License.
What would you get if you put a light bulb in a suit of armor? A knightlight.
What did the worm say to the caterpillar? What did you do to get that fur coat?
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door!
What do you call a bunch of dancing pebbles? The Rockettes.
Did you hear about the two men who walked into a bar? The third one ducked.
What do termites do to relax? Take a coffee table break!!
(I think I might try and sell some of these to MI6 for interrogations)
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- Sandwurm88
- Not Soleman
- Posts: 543
- Joined: 24 Jul 2009 10:16
Re: Jokes from a spambot
I've heard most of these...most are pretty mediocre.
This reminds me of a time my brother and I were at Starbucks and this chick at the counter goes "Before I get your orders, tell me a joke" There was an awkward silence because we had never seen the girl ever, or knew her in any way. It wasn't even flirtatious or anything, just fuckin' weird. So, my brother goes, "Uh, okay, how many gears does a French tank have?" He told her the punchline and she was like "Eh, not that funny." Then there was like a twenty second long silence; she is obviously not ready to get our orders yet. So I go, fed up, "Okay, how many shitty Starbucks servers does it take to perform a simple order? "
This reminds me of a time my brother and I were at Starbucks and this chick at the counter goes "Before I get your orders, tell me a joke" There was an awkward silence because we had never seen the girl ever, or knew her in any way. It wasn't even flirtatious or anything, just fuckin' weird. So, my brother goes, "Uh, okay, how many gears does a French tank have?" He told her the punchline and she was like "Eh, not that funny." Then there was like a twenty second long silence; she is obviously not ready to get our orders yet. So I go, fed up, "Okay, how many shitty Starbucks servers does it take to perform a simple order? "
- DuneFishUK
- Posts: 1991
- Joined: 25 May 2008 14:14
- Location: Cool Britannia
- Contact:
Re: Jokes from a spambot
By "mediocre" I assume you mean "UTTER SHITE"?
3 quarters of these are new to me - all the jokes I hear are much less family-friendly.
What has four legs, is big, green, furry, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
3 quarters of these are new to me - all the jokes I hear are much less family-friendly.
What has four legs, is big, green, furry, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
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- TheDukester
- Posts: 3808
- Joined: 20 Jun 2008 13:44
- Location: Operation Enduring Bacon
Re: Jokes from a spambot
Why does Paris have so many trees?Sandwurm88 wrote:"Uh, okay, how many gears does a French tank have?" ...
Because Germans prefer to march in the shade.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.
- SandRider
- Watermaster
- Posts: 6163
- Joined: 05 Oct 2008 16:14
- Location: In the back of your mind. Always.
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Re: Jokes from a spambot
so how many gears does a French tank have ?
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
- Omphalos
- Inglorious Bastard
- Posts: 6677
- Joined: 05 Feb 2008 11:07
- Location: The Mighty Central Valley of California
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Re: Jokes from a spambot
i still love that one.TheDukester wrote:Why does Paris have so many trees?Sandwurm88 wrote:"Uh, okay, how many gears does a French tank have?" ...
Because Germans prefer to march in the shade.
- SadisticCynic
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: 07 Apr 2009 09:28
- Location: In Time or in Space?
Re: Jokes from a spambot
Need an ending to this story.Sandwurm88 wrote:I've heard most of these...most are pretty mediocre.
This reminds me of a time my brother and I were at Starbucks and this chick at the counter goes "Before I get your orders, tell me a joke" There was an awkward silence because we had never seen the girl ever, or knew her in any way. It wasn't even flirtatious or anything, just fuckin' weird. So, my brother goes, "Uh, okay, how many gears does a French tank have?" He told her the punchline and she was like "Eh, not that funny." Then there was like a twenty second long silence; she is obviously not ready to get our orders yet. So I go, fed up, "Okay, how many shitty Starbucks servers does it take to perform a simple order? "
Ah English, the language where pretty much any word can have any meaning! - A Thing of Eternity
- SandChigger
- KJASF Ground Zero
- Posts: 14492
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:29
- Location: A continuing state of irritation
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Re: Jokes from a spambot
Who cares?SandRider wrote:so how many gears does a French tank have ?
(And servers take orders. )
- Freakzilla
- Lead Singer and Driver of the Winnebego
- Posts: 18454
- Joined: 05 Feb 2008 01:27
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Re: Jokes from a spambot
Stop and reverse?SandRider wrote:so how many gears does a French tank have ?
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman
- DuneFishUK
- Posts: 1991
- Joined: 25 May 2008 14:14
- Location: Cool Britannia
- Contact:
Re: Jokes from a spambot
1 forward gear and 5 reverse?... but IIRC (maybe not) wasn't that was Italian tanks?Freakzilla wrote:Stop and reverse?SandRider wrote:so how many gears does a French tank have ?
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