Anger Management

Irulan Corrino · Post by **Irulan Corrino** » 16 Jan 2009 15:24

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole !" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole !" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is.."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen."
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole !"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!"

(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He screamed, "Stop calling me!"
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole No. 2.

He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole ."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 16 Jan 2009 16:26

I take back all the nasty shit I said & thought about you.

That's something I'd do.

Now, about that proposition .......

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 16 Jan 2009 18:03

Irulan Corrino wrote:I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

Can't even dial a number right, huh?

Sole Man · Post by **Sole Man** » 16 Jan 2009 19:46

Schu · Post by **Schu** » 16 Jan 2009 19:56

Oh god. That is brilliant!

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 16 Jan 2009 21:48

Yeah. People on 51,500 other sites thought so, too.

Schu · Post by **Schu** » 16 Jan 2009 22:07

Doesn't make it any less brilliant!

Irulan Corrino · Post by **Irulan Corrino** » 16 Jan 2009 22:31

It's just funny. (A friend passed it to me, I thought I'd share...firs time I laughed so hard, I had tears coming out of my eyes.

)

Sole Man · Post by **Sole Man** » 16 Jan 2009 22:38

Ah-Ha! I knew you weren't male!

You lying swine...

Schu · Post by **Schu** » 16 Jan 2009 22:44

I usually assume something like that is copied (unless it has the personal touches and style of someone I'm familiar with)

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 17 Jan 2009 03:26

"This is Chris" is the giveaway here, that it isn't HIH.

("Krys" or some variant might have given pause.)

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 17 Jan 2009 04:54

SandRider wrote:I take back all the nasty shit I said & thought about you.

That's something I'd do.

Now, about that proposition .......

now I take all that back.

Fuck you twice as hard.

{never doubt the SandChigger's character judgement.
good call, buddy.}

GamePlayer · Post by **GamePlayer** » 17 Jan 2009 15:51

Awesome. Some competition for sloe man

Mandy · Post by **Mandy** » 17 Jan 2009 17:00

Is this where we jump on the bandwagon?

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 17 Jan 2009 18:29

Which bandwagon where?

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 17 Jan 2009 19:37

Kinky Friedman & the Texas Jewboys' Bandwagon Worldwide Tour and Alligator Wrestling Championship.

Bus leaves the Austin Greyhound terminal 'bout 11:15pm tonight.....

Mandy · Post by **Mandy** » 17 Jan 2009 20:39

That's the bus I want to get on.

SandChigger · Post by **SandChigger** » 17 Jan 2009 22:18

Kewl.

(Do you have Jewboys in Texas?

)

Post by **Omphalos** » 18 Jan 2009 01:53

Where do you think the term "jewboys" came from?

chanilover · Post by **chanilover** » 18 Jan 2009 12:37

Irulan Corrino wrote:So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.

Wow, you really looked like a woman in that picture you posted a while ago. Good work!

chanilover · Post by **chanilover** » 18 Jan 2009 12:38

Irulan Corrino wrote:It's just funny. (A friend passed it to me, I thought I'd share...firs time I laughed so hard, I had tears coming out of my eyes. )

Oh, so you are a woman after all. Well, good work anyway.

SandRider · Post by **SandRider** » 18 Jan 2009 13:54

SandChigger wrote:Kewl.

(Do you have Jewboys in Texas? )

My G-d, son, you cain't tell me you ain't never heard of the best
little band to ever play in Texas ?

They had one hit record in the 70s:
"They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore"

Still play around the state alot - got some exposure again when
Kinky ran for governor.

(the name was a play on the most famous of Texas Swing bands,
Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys)
(You've heard of Him, right ? "Bob Wills is still the King" ?)

TheDukester · Post by **TheDukester** » 18 Jan 2009 15:18

"Oh, we got both kinds. We got country AND western."

Sole Man · Post by **Sole Man** » 19 Jan 2009 18:19

TheDukester wrote:"Oh, we got both kinds. We got country AND western."

\
If you're gonna say that, then,

I'm a Sole Man! Do-do duh-do-do.

J A C U R U T U

Anger Management

Anger Management

Re: Anger Management

on Irulan Corrino's speech

on that bitch

Re: Anger Management

On the Blues brothers