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    Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill (Nekhrun)

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    Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill (Nekhrun)

    Postby Talos Aquinas » 17 Jan 2011 21:03

    DUNE: A Gap to Fill
    (Prequel to House Atreides)

    Chapter 1

    Remember, what we do here is a secret.
    —A secret memo sent to the secretive administrators of a secret no globe and no ship factory.

    After reviewing the exteriors of his new no globe and no ship, the Baron Vladimir Harkonnen was satisfied with the results (though he would never let the workers know that). He wasn’t a very nice person so he showed his approval by wiping his nose on the sleeve of the factory manager.

    “How do I know that what I’m looking at is what you told me it is?” This wasn’t the first time the Baron worried about this. During the first inspection of the plant the previous manager told the Baron that he was looking at an invisible no globe that couldn’t be seen by the naked eye, when the actual construction had yet to begin. When the Baron asked for proof and the manager couldn’t provide it, he was forced into the rear-end of a Salusan bull from the planet Salusa Secundus.

    This time was different. Xenzia Krobulus wanted nothing but the Baron’s complete and total approval.

    “How about a tour inside?” Xenzia beamed.


    Chapter 2

    Have it your way.
    —Inscription over a Terran Food Hall

    “Everything seems to be in order, Xenzia,” the Baron remarked. “Has the entire process been documented?”

    “Absolutely Baron,” Xenzia Krobulus assured.

    “Excellent. Kill all the workers and then turn the lasgun on yourself.” Now let’s see him squirm, the Baron thought.

    Krobulus was dumbfounded. Is this how he was to be rewarded? But how could he question the Baron’s orders? He couldn’t possibly want the facilitator of one of the universe’s greatest inventions to simply kill himself. Or could he? (Gee, I don’t know K, maybe we should put some more detail here to make it a little more definite; I mean, that Baron’s an ultra-mean guy. —B) He could. And he would. And he did.

    Terrified, Quick, Xenzia, say something, he thought to himself.

    “At once Baron.”


    Chapter 3

    I think I can, I think I can.
    —Old Earth saying

    Xenzia called all of the workers on the project together for a final celebration in which he poisoned the refreshments. After being slave labor for so long and tortured mercilessly at the hands of the Harkonnen slave masters, the slaves knew something was up at the very offer of food or anything remotely resembling a celebration. Clearly they were all to be poisoned. Some were thankful for the release and greedily ate and drank their fill.

    “I can’t believe that they’re falling for it!” Xenzia couldn’t help but say to himself now that he knew that his plan was working.

    “We’re not, we just want to die!” someone shouted back. This caused quite a bit of laughter among the slaves before they suffered what appeared to be quite a painful death.

    As the bodies started to drop, Xenia dropped during the commotion and sneakily crawled into the invisible no globe that could not be seen. He was worried about this and created a no closet within the no globe that was itself totally invisible to the naked eye and also to any kind of instrument used to detect things.


    Chapter 4

    Well, the world needs ditch diggers too.
    —Judge Elihu Smails

    Once the bodies were cleared from the factory floor and those workers were also killed and removed, the no globe was buried, never to be “seen” again...or was it? Also, the workers who buried it were also killed.


    Epilogue

    When Xenzia thought the coast was clear he tried to leave the no globe but could not. The exit door would not budge. They must’ve buried me, he thought. Xenzia thought of his ancestors who would have been so disappointed in him. Ancestors like the famous hero, Zix’nor Atreides. And he was right, they would have been.
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Omphalos » 17 Jan 2011 21:37

    Judge Smails! :lol:

    "Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes.".
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Freakzilla » 18 Jan 2011 03:49

    The man's a menace!

    :clap:
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Serkanner » 18 Jan 2011 03:55

    Wow. The Baron is truly evil. :clap:
    "... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

    “There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

    Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
    and wrote a Dune Novel."
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby lotek » 18 Jan 2011 06:34

    During the first inspection of the plant the previous manager told the Baron that he was looking at an invisible no globe that couldn’t be seen by the naked eye, when the actual construction had yet to begin


    :lol: :lol:
    What a dumbass !
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby merkin muffley » 18 Jan 2011 11:54

    Have it your way.
    —Inscription over a Terran Food Hall


    :laughing: :clap:
    "I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby SandRider » 18 Jan 2011 15:15

    excellent - very funny, a few lines caught me off-guard and I may have actually laughed out loud ...

    I ain't been in the no-closet in the cone-of-no-silence in the secret underground no-clubhouse in awhile,
    so who are the Judges here? Besides Smails, obviously ....

    the only criticism I have here is that some of the writing and phrase-construction is WAY above Keith's level ....
    which in itself is a pointed barbed, I suppose ... if you are reading a satire of bad fiction and realize that the
    amateur parodist is a better writer that the actual "professional" target, job well done .... "Well, this is obviously
    a parody ... Kevin J. Anderson doesn't write this well ...."

    kudos & great start ...
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Nekhrun » 18 Jan 2011 18:25

    For a kja parody it seems to be missing a few more X's, Z's & apostrophes in the character names.
    "If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos :character-cookiemonster:

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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby D Pope » 18 Jan 2011 18:37

    merkin muffley wrote:
    Have it your way.
    —Inscription over a Terran Food Hall


    :laughing: :clap:

    Here Here!
    :lol:
    Leto II is gone for good, except for OM. The "pearl" was just that; a miniscule portion of what Leto was, and not a compressed version of the whole. The pearl that the worms have do not make them Leto, or in any way similar to him.
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby SandChigger » 19 Jan 2011 01:28

    SandRider wrote:I ain't been in the no-closet in the cone-of-no-silence in the secret underground no-clubhouse in awhile,
    so who are the Judges here? Besides Smails, obviously ....

    We'll wait until about a week after the submission deadline and post a poll thread here and let the membership decide. First place goes to the submission with the most votes, etc.

    Vox populi. :)




    (Voice of the people!)
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby TheDukester » 19 Jan 2011 12:46

    Omphalos wrote:"Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes.".

    "How 'bout a Fresca?"
    "Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby SandRider » 22 Jan 2011 11:22

    SandChigger wrote:
    SandRider wrote:I ain't been in the no-closet in the cone-of-no-silence in the secret underground no-clubhouse in awhile,
    so who are the Judges here? Besides Smails, obviously ....

    We'll wait until about a week after the submission deadline and post a poll thread here and let the membership decide. First place goes to the submission with the most votes, etc.

    Vox populi. :)




    (Voice of the people!)


    awesomeness
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Ampoliros » 22 Jan 2011 16:48

    I was a friend of Xenzia. When he was the smartest man in the room, the Baron just buried the room.
    Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Nekhrun » 22 Jan 2011 18:52

    Ampoliros wrote:I was a friend of Xenzia. When he was the smartest man in the room, the Baron just buried the room.

    I like that.

    I was a friend of Xenzia. He taught me that when bad shit's about to go down, you're better off just accepting it.
    "If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos :character-cookiemonster:

    Happy Memorial Day everyone! -James C. Harwood

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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby lotek » 24 Jan 2011 10:59

    Nekhrun wrote:
    Ampoliros wrote:I was a friend of Xenzia. When he was the smartest man in the room, the Baron just buried the room.

    I like that.

    I was a friend of Xenzia. He taught me that when bad shit's about to go down, you're better off just accepting it.


    I was a friend of Xenzia. He taught me that blatantly restating the obvious is considered best selling writing in some circles.
    Spice is the worm's gonads.
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby Shaitan » 09 Feb 2011 18:49

    I love how each chapter is about two syllables long.

    Are you sure you can't make them any shorter? KJA would disapprove of your verbosity. :roll:
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill

    Postby MrFlibble » 26 Feb 2011 13:27

    Actually, this story is a lot more elegant and stylish than anything written in the entire McDune franchise.
    WHAT IF YOU NO LONGER HEAR THE MUSIC OF LIFE?
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill (Nekhrun)

    Postby Triplejoe » 27 Mar 2011 00:13

    Nice work coming 2nd, I laughed quite a lot with this one :lol:
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill (Nekhrun)

    Postby Ampoliros » 27 Mar 2011 01:58

    I know I laughed my ass off, and Nekhrun set the bar high right out of the gate.
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill (Nekhrun)

    Postby SandChigger » 27 Mar 2011 03:35

    The inter-author notes and micro-chapters were what I loved about this one. :lol:
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    Re: Entry #1: DUNE: A Gap to Fill (Nekhrun)

    Postby Nekhrun » 27 Mar 2011 07:40

    Thanks. I had a lot of fun writing this one. It's no #5. I didn't have time for the last contest and wanted to get something in for this one right away. I wanted to make it longer and then I thought, what would those two talentless fucking idiots do? So I sent it in.

    I think the biggest kja moment is where the Baron is described as, "not a very nice person."

    Researching Judge Smails' first name was probably more research than kja and bobo have done in their entire lives.
    "If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos :character-cookiemonster:

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