Political Humor


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Freakzilla
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

SandRider wrote:I just don't get it - every where else, you're thoughtful, insightful & etc.

in this forum, you sound like Sloey .... or my brother ....
Calling me thoughtless, etc. is no way to change my point of view.

For example, instead of just calling me wrong, for starters tell me WHY ruining the healthcare of 310 million people to give subpar healthcare to 10 million is a good thing. And WHY bankrupting us in the process is a good thing, too.

But here is not the place.

I suppose my jokes would be OK if they were about GW Bush, huh? :roll:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by A Thing of Eternity »

Freakzilla wrote:
SandRider wrote:I just don't get it - every where else, you're thoughtful, insightful & etc.

in this forum, you sound like Sloey .... or my brother ....
Calling me thoughtless, etc. is no way to change my point of view.

For example, instead of just calling me wrong, for starters tell me WHY ruining the healthcare of 310 million people to give subpar healthcare to 10 million is a good thing. And WHY bankrupting us in the process is a good thing, too.

But here is not the place.

I suppose my jokes would be OK if they were about GW Bush, huh? :roll:
Man - I can tell you right out the gate that everything you've heard about socialized medicine is far exaggerated and mostly flat out lies. Up here in Canada we're all laughing our asses off about the BS the Republican Party is saying. We don't let old people die because they're too old for medicine, people don't wait in line until they die (the sicker you get the further you go in the line). I’ve known MANY people who have been seriously ill, young and old, and all were taken good care of (and I live in one of the provinces with the WORST healthcare)

Not that our system doesn't suck - it does in many ways, but it IS much better than the US system, and the numbers prove it. I'll be the FIRST person to criticize our system, but hearing it from the republican propaganda forces is just a joke.

That said, I don't know if the US can afford a system like ours right now - so maybe Obama is making a really big mistake. But it's not because of the system he wants, it's because he might not be able to afford it.
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=1162&hilit=health+care" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: Political Humor

Post by SandRider »

Lord, save me from the POLITICS! forum ....


first off, this health care debate is just bullshit,
on the same level as "gun control"

waste of time - THERE WILL BE NO FUNDAMENTAL CHANGES TO THE AMERICAN
HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IN YOUR LIFETIME ..(certainly not mine, which will be
much, much shorter)


big pharma, the HMOs & obstructing Republicans will not allow anything
approaching the proposed plan(s) to pass into law. big fucking circle jerk,
and a distraction from real issues. (like "gun control" - no-one is going to
"disarm the american public" - that bullshit didn't fly years ago, won't fly
now - IT IS FUCKING LOGISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO "TAKE ALL THE GUNS")

I'd love to see universal healthcare, just like I'd love to see armed communist
revolution in the streets - shit in one hand, wish in the other ....

and yeah, I've got an opposing viewpoint to jokes about
assassinating a sitting president .... but I surely support your right
to post it, just as I supported Sloey's right to all his bullshit.
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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Re: Political Humor

Post by A Thing of Eternity »

SandRider wrote:Lord, save me from the POLITICS! forum ....


first off, this health care debate is just bullshit,
on the same level as "gun control"

waste of time - THERE WILL BE NO FUNDAMENTAL CHANGES TO THE AMERICAN
HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IN YOUR LIFETIME ..(certainly not mine, which will be
much, much shorter)


big pharma, the HMOs & obstructing Republicans will not allow anything
approaching the proposed plan(s) to pass into law. big fucking circle jerk,
and a distraction from real issues. (like "gun control" - no-one is going to
"disarm the american public" - that bullshit didn't fly years ago, won't fly
now - IT IS FUCKING LOGISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO "TAKE ALL THE GUNS")

I'd love to see universal healthcare, just like I'd love to see armed communist
revolution in the streets - shit in one hand, wish in the other ....

and yeah, I've got an opposing viewpoint to jokes about
assassinating a sitting president .... but I surely support your right
to post it, just as I supported Sloey's right to all his bullshit.

Some of your posts should be printed and framed! I love the way you arrange your really good rants like poems (visually). Great stuff.
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Re: Political Humor

Post by SadisticCynic »

Yeah I even have this gruff voice in my head I use whenever I'm reading one of SandRider's posts. :lol:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by GamePlayer »

I always envision Ray Winstone when reading SandRider's posts :)

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Re: Political Humor

Post by Tleszer »

"I AM BEOWULF!"

...

Yeah, I can see that.
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Eyes High »

well here is an old joke:

How can you tell if a politician is lying?


check to see if his/her mouth is moving.
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Hunchback Jack »

A Thing of Eternity wrote:Man - I can tell you right out the gate that everything you've heard about socialized medicine is far exaggerated and mostly flat out lies. Up here in Canada we're all laughing our asses off about the BS the Republican Party is saying.
Check out Australia's health care system, too. It's not perfect, but it works.

HBJ
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Re: Political Humor

Post by trang »

Eyes High wrote:well here is an old joke:

How can you tell if a politician is lying?


check to see if his/her mouth is moving.
Joke or more a survival skill? :)
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

More jokes from mom...





Robot Bartender



A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "oh, about 164."



The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',

'inter-steller space travel', 'the latest medical break throughs',

etc........



The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a

different tact.. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked

and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."

Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"


This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.


The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"??



This time the man drawled out "Uh..... bout 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,


"A-r-e? y-o-u-? p-e-o-p-l-e??? s-t-i-l-l h-a-p-p-y? w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A?????

:P
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists
and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.


Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way..


Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..


You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
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Re: Political Humor

Post by A Thing of Eternity »

That's not bad. :lol:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by GamePlayer »

I loved the Obama one. I'm going to have to retell that one :)

The second joke went on for too long after the punchline and felt more depressingly bitter and jaded than funny :(
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Re: Political Humor

Post by A Thing of Eternity »

I missed that second one, must have been posted while I was typing.
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

:wink:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Eyes High »

Freakzilla wrote:The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

:wink:
Now I chuckled at that one. :lol:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Slugger »

Freakzilla wrote:The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

:wink:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by SandRider »

the robot bartender is another "post turtle" joke (ie saw it with the punchline being "Bush")

and by the way, I was discussing this with another old fart in a doctor's waiting room the other day,
he swore he first heard the "post turtle" joke about Lydon Johnson - I know I first heard it about
Gerald Ford, but it wouldn't surprise me to find out it was originally about Grover Cleveland.

the problem with "dividing up the country" between right & left, or conservative & progressive,
or humanitarians & capitalists, or whatever you want to call it is that we're all living together.

you can't call one state "red" or "blue" based on electoral college votes. you can't call the
south "Jesusland" - there's crazy adults with imaginary friends everywhere.

and under this plan, my piece of land would probably go to the Fascists - which me and the
mexicans and all the hippie artists who've moved out here from Austin just wouldn't put up with.

well, some of the mexicans would, because alot of them are crazy dark-ages living Catholics who
worship plaster statues and love guns and killing people they don't agree with. And some of them
hippies get on my nerves...

anyway, it's a point I continually make - you can't stereotype regions - take the story I posted
in Kinky's thread about the gay mayor in San Angelo. (if you didn't read it, go read it, and re-think
your ideas of what West Texas is like ...)
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

Bail Out Explained



Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00 The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He was the financial adviser who figured out how to "bail us out".
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Re: Political Humor

Post by redbugpest »

Freakzilla wrote:Bail Out Explained



Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00 The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He was the financial adviser who figured out how to "bail us out".
That was a good one!
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Freakzilla »

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the

chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'


Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in New York , so I'd like to hear the song, 'The Moon and Me', one last time.'

The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.


Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'


The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr.. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.

In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor....?'
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Re: Political Humor

Post by Tleszer »

:lol:
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Re: Political Humor

Post by SadisticCynic »

:lol: Very good.
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