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    Even SW fans hate KJA

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    Even SW fans hate KJA

    Postby cmsahe » 08 Sep 2008 23:48

    I have had archived this post to the alt.fan.starwars since february 2000, here a Steve critizices the poor writing of the KJA SW novels: (I've read a dozen SW novels and what it is written below is true:

    Steve writes:

    Just follow the outline below, pick appropriate options and you've got
    your very own authentic EU (EU: Expanded UNiverse) novel.

    1. 1 year after the battle of Endor
    2. 5 years after the battle of Endor
    3. 20 years after the battle of Endor
    4. during tea at the battle of Endor

    Rebel/New Republic forcers were surprised to discover.

    1. An evil plot by the empire to capture (insert name of annoying
    child of main character)
    2. An army of droids with red eyes that move from side to side
    3. Han wears a toupe
    4. A main character had children who weren't twins

    While seeking to find a solution to this surprising turn of events.

    1. Leia
    2. Han
    3. Lando
    4. Wedge's aun't Mabel

    crashes on

    1. Correlia
    2. Kessel
    3. Dagobah
    4. Ork

    and is attacked by

    1. the spirit of a long dead Sith Lord
    2. 10 metre long leaping orange sith sheep
    3. flying purple people eaters
    4. vicious knights who say 'ni'

    Just when all seems hopeless

    1. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker saves the day
    2. 5 year old jedi kid saves the day
    3. A TIE shot down years ago and light years away at the Battle
    of Yavin, still spinning out of control, crashes on the baddie
    4. Someone remembers to use the force

    It soon becomes apparent that the empire are planning to use a new
    weapon that

    1. Destroys planets
    2. Destroys solar systems
    3. Destroys mynocks
    4. Ruffles Lando's hair

    When the empire test their new weapon

    1. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker saves the day
    2. It destroys a race of highly intelligent peaceful beings who
    are noted for their singing and remarkable macrame skills
    3. They forget to load it
    4. Admiral Ackbar shows up and destroys their entire fleet with
    his b-wing and a rather large docking claw

    During the brief peace that follows, Lando

    1. wins coruscant in a game of tiddliwinks and then loses it
    betting on blob races
    2. wins the falcon again in a game of sabacc with Han and then
    gives it back in return for a snappy new cape.
    3. wins some credits, buys some flowers and then offers them to
    Mara Jade who promptly plants them where the sun don't shine
    4. wins some credibility and friends (on second thought - that's
    a bit too far fetched)


    1. on a diplomatic mission to bring peace to two warring worlds
    who threaten the peace of the entire new republic
    2. on a holiday
    3. doing a bit of spring cleaning
    4. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker is saving the day

    (insert name of one of the few characters in the entire galaxy who
    anything interesting actually happens to) just happens to be in the
    right place at the right time to

    1. foil an imperial plot
    2. witness a marvel of nature that only happens every 2836485
    3. discovers a secret imperial installation hidden years ago by
    the emperor
    4. help Jedi Master Luke Skywalker save the day

    This leads them to the conclusion that

    1. the empire is almost beaten
    2. the emeror has returned as a clone (again!!!)
    3. the waterboy is the grandson of the great jedi mrgump erflishp
    and has the potential to top the class at Jedi Master Luke Skywalker's
    4. wookies that have just eaten green eggs and nerf have bad

    In the exiting climax to the story

    1. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker gets beaten up by ysalamiri draped
    nerf herders and then saves the day
    2. the bad guy is betrayed by his most trusted ally and retires,
    quite upset, to a life of solitude in the bfashrishrit force monastery
    on the remote planet of Barff
    3. Bobba Fett appears, looks tough, get's his butt kicked and
    appears to die (until fans miss him enough to drag him out for another
    4. Lobot is revealed to be a Borg operative (oops - wrong world

    There you have it. It's a proven formula. It's true. People buy this

    <disclaimer>I actually do like Star Wars a lot and I like some of the
    novels but I do find some of them a bit hard to swallow. See follow up
    Only the books written by Frank Herbert are canon.

    Who We Are and What We Stand For
    Carlos Santillan, aka cmsahe
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    Posts: 598
    Joined: 26 Aug 2008 22:40
    Location: Mexico City

    Postby SandChigger » 09 Sep 2008 00:11

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
    I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

    I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

    I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA
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    Postby cmsahe » 09 Sep 2008 01:28

    Only the books written by Frank Herbert are canon.

    Who We Are and What We Stand For
    Carlos Santillan, aka cmsahe
    User avatar
    Posts: 598
    Joined: 26 Aug 2008 22:40
    Location: Mexico City

    Postby GamePlayer » 09 Sep 2008 13:00

    It's just fan fiction. That's all KJA writes. The fact that the KJA/BH novels are officially published fan fiction is the only difference, and that counts for nothing in my book.
    "They can chew you up, but they gotta spit you out."
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