Norm wrote:I've been hiding a dark secret, and I figured by posting it here, the word would dance around a
bit... then sort of die out ... but my secret would no longer be a , um ... secret.
What the heck is a secret whenever it's no longer a secret? Is it a retired secret, a blown secret? I don't know... or
care.
The thing is that tonight I was drinking some wine (maybe that's why I'm doing this) and updating my website and
discovered that my reviews were ... still are ... kind of screwed up.
A website problem, not that they were bad. But links were wrong and it's just kind of a mess. So I'm trying to
unravel the screw ups and I ran across something that I've been diligently hiding from my readers.
Ya' wanna hear what it was?
Too bad, because I'm typing, not talking, so you'll have to read instead.
Anyway, it was a review by Byron Merritt from FWOMP reviews. You've probably never read it, at least not on
my site, because it's...
... dare I say...
(sigh)
Okay, here goes, it's my only ... NEGATIVE review.
(silence)
Yeah, I buried it pretty deep, so no one could see it, but after watching the political debates and the lies and stuff, in
the interests of full disclosure I felt I needed to come clean.
I'll blog it and post it on my website, too.
So that's it. My secret. It's out.
Ah, i feel better already.
So here ya' go, the only negative review of one of my books:
Byron wrote:Reviews at FWOMP.Com
The Adventures of Guy
by Norm Cowie
reviewed by Byron Merritt
If you’ve got a few lazy days to enjoy a ridiculous comedy, then you might want to give The Adventures of Guy a go.The premise is thus: A guy named ...well ...Guy, has this brother who gets his brain stolen by some unknown evil force. Might’ve been telemarketers. Might’ve been attorneys. Might’ve been the tobacco industry. Regardless of whom the thief is, Guy, along with his roommates Thurman and Knob, are going to track down the dastardly culprits and get his brother’s brain back. With them comes the top-heavy Warrior, a well-breasted mother that wields PMS as her primary weapon. Along the way they all learn about their own superpowers (with the exception of Guy who is “the nonbeliever”). Thurman becomes ‘The Harry Potter’ of the group, intoning incantations of
ludicrous proportions and often moving the group of heroes to a McDonald’s. Knob is the elfish man with a backpack full of wondrous supplies (from lemon flavored wipes to encyclopedias) and often gives them what the group needs ...or not.Moving through the world and otherworld, our gang meets up with the “true” telemarketers: crab-like alien creatures with serious attitude. They also run into attorneys who try and trap their minds by spouting legalese, only to have it fail against the mail idiot brain. Then there’s Judge Wopner, the lead council for the attorneys who turns up and has to try and reason with Guy and his entourage in hopes of creating a peace between two bizarre warring factions (I told you it was ridiculous). Sound interesting? It is in some sense, and in others it isn’t. Trying hard—perhaps too hard—to mimic the
nonsensical style of Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy), the story felt forced several times. And I felt that the author wasn’t in control of the plot (if, indeed, it had one). I did laugh during my reading of The Adventures of Guy, but there were several dry spots (Saharas, really) where the comedy was repetitive or over-over-the-top.
Even so, I’m glad I read it. It was breezy and I got through it in a few short days. If you’re an Adams fan, you might find this one entertaining enough to hold your interest.
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
I guess my point was that Norm Cowie writes children's books,
and Merrit was too stupid to realize this, reviewing this as if it
was one of Kevin's books. Well, no, because then the it would
have been a 5-star sucked-my-eyeballs-out rave, but you get
my point. Right ? I mean, Merritt read this and didn't understand
it was "young adult", so he reviewed it as if it was a mainstream
SF book. Or maybe he doesn't realize that "young adult" SF titles
are meant for kids and teenagers, not fat balding middle aged
failed writers who are depressed they didn't get a chance to write
comic books without the pictures based on their grandfather's famous
work and get to travel around to half-empty bookstores and dodge
questions about why he was so stupid. Maybe that was my point.
ok, boiled down for sloey, my point is: Merritt is a fucktard.
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
Omphalos wrote:I have no idea who Norm Cowie is, but I think its funny that it took Byron "a couple of days" to read a YA book. I wonder how big the print was?
Certainly not the same size as his cock!
Whoops. I'm starting to become more vocal. I think I have to go back to lurking
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie
Hi, my name is SandChigger, and I lived almost 47 and a half years without knowing who Norm Cowie is....
Um...oh, sorry, I thought this was the meeting of the local Ignorant of Norm Cowie's Existence Anonymous chapter....
My bad!
(I don't care if it was a YA book, why would ANYONE read a book in which someone getting their brain stolen is something which happens outside of a dream, drug-induced hallucination, or weird avant-garde play-within-the-play sitch? )
"Let the dead give water to the dead. As for me, it's NO MORE FUCKING TEARS!"
you know, that's just mean. poor ol' Norm was devastated by Byron's
mean-spirited and obviously biased review. Now you're picking
on him, too ?
Of course, I sent Norm an email saying that if he was still upset with
Merritt (this was several years ago) there was this site where he might be to able to vent his frustration and anger. Now, he'll show
up and read all this and I'll look like an ass. Again.
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
SandChigger wrote:As Simon would say, Your well come.
Change that to sloe man and you've got it right. Seriously, what the hell is his latest post about? Is it now a competition between him and arnoldo for "post that makes the least sense"?
"They can chew you up, but they gotta spit you out."
Got this in my e-mail box from Norm Cowie the other day. Got his permission to post it today.
I don’t get so many visits to my site that I won’t notice when I get a bunch of hits from something called “Jacurutu.”
So I traced it down … clever me … and found and greatly enjoyed your thread.
The reason I’m writing, believe it or not, is to defend Merritt. While I enjoyed you guys dressing him down, the book he reviewed, ‘The Adventures of Guy … written by a guy (probably)’ is definitely for adults. My NEXT book is YA.
Anyway, I wasn’t devastated, and a few people have pointed out that he didn’t actually trash the book … he said some good things and he compared it to The Hitchhiker’s Guide… and a few fun people like you played with it … so I’m glad I posted it.
Fang Face (YA humor vampire - coming fall 2009)
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
The Heat of the Moment
Missing (coming Feb 2009)
Absolutely, put it in there. I LOVED the original Dune series ... hated the movies ... but never read past the first few books (like, why bother, right? The story was concluded) I was thinking of using a similar name to Duncan Idaho for one of my books ... you know, like Crispy Montana, Starbucks Oregon or something. One of my characters is an Unbeliever, like the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.
For the one guy who thought a book about a brain being stolen was for... um... drug induced something? ... please, please encourage him to read the excerpts of my book. My books are ridiculous in the same way that Douglas Adams's are. If you described a Panglactic Gargle Blaster and a President of the Universe with two heads in a review, you'd think, "that's as ridiculous as a telemarketer stealing someone's brain."
I just may give them a try, as I have in the past said this:
"DON'T PANIC," should be words to live by. So should "I'll have another Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, and put it on the tab of the guy with the two heads."
so there ya go, Chig. Read the fucking excerpts, please.
SandRider wrote:you know, that's just mean. poor ol' Norm was devastated by Byron's
mean-spirited and obviously biased review. Now you're picking
on him, too ?
Of course, I sent Norm an email saying that if he was still upset with
Merritt (this was several years ago) there was this site where he might be to able to vent his frustration and anger. Now, he'll show
up and read all this and I'll look like an ass. Again.
Dang. I look like an ass anyway. Well, atleast it's not the first time.
In my rush to post something, anything to discredit and ridicule Merritt, I'll
admit I didn't read the excerpt at all, but judging from the covers displayed
and the YA label somewhere on the sight, I just jumped to conclusions.
Sorry about that, Norm. Saw you signed up, tho. Come on in, I'll buy you a beer ....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people. ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
)
