Funny... stuff
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- valys
- Posts: 67
- Joined: 11 Feb 2008 11:18
- Location: Sietch Timisoara
- Contact:
Funny... stuff
I see we have a funnny pictures topic and a funny videos one. Let's have another (garcon, another one, please!), only with text
I'll start with something a friend of mine sent me via e-mail. I had a good laugh (mostly beacause it's true), hope you do too. Here it is:
The Man Rules!
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Manifesto (no, not Atreides ):
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.
So, how many of you find familiar situations in the above examples?
I'll start with something a friend of mine sent me via e-mail. I had a good laugh (mostly beacause it's true), hope you do too. Here it is:
The Man Rules!
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Manifesto (no, not Atreides ):
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.
So, how many of you find familiar situations in the above examples?
Like I said before, I never repeat myself.
- Pardot Kynes
- Posts: 292
- Joined: 11 Feb 2008 14:03
- Location: Texas
- Contact:
This should be posted somewhere as a notice for all women to read. Maybe the bathroom mirror in every ladies' room.
What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also.
-Julius Caesar
http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/451/451.html
http://omacl.org/
- Omphalos
- Inglorious Bastard
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- Location: The Mighty Central Valley of California
- Contact:
- Freakzilla
- Lead Singer and Driver of the Winnebego
- Posts: 18449
- Joined: 05 Feb 2008 01:27
- Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
- Contact:
- Robspierre
- Posts: 2162
- Joined: 19 Feb 2008 10:49
- Location: Cascadia
- orald
- Posts: 3010
- Joined: 28 Feb 2008 14:48
- Location: Maximum Security Mental Hospital
Now that's a man that sleeps on the sofa.
The real solution to this whole "seat up/down" problem is to only have gay realtionships- no matter your gender you both need the seat at the same position!
The real solution to this whole "seat up/down" problem is to only have gay realtionships- no matter your gender you both need the seat at the same position!
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
- Tyrant
- Posts: 381
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:45
- Location: Kansas City, MO
i do that as well..its only fair really...both parties have to go thru an action to use the restroom...really we still get screwed...we have to lift..and put it back down..they just have to lift and set their fat ass on the seat .... funny how we are inconvenienced cause they are too lazy to lift it themselves in the first placeFreakzilla wrote:I solved the toilet seat issue with my wife easily...
I put the seat AND the lid down.
Your friendly neighborhood Tyrant!!!
- Tleilax Master B
- Posts: 674
- Joined: 11 Feb 2008 10:54
- Location: Desert of New Mexico
Well, true, but it really all balances out in the long run. If I'm sitting around the house and drinking beer, I just piss in the yard. Eliminates all those seat problemsTyrant wrote:i do that as well..its only fair really...both parties have to go thru an action to use the restroom...really we still get screwed...we have to lift..and put it back down..they just have to lift and set their fat ass on the seat .... funny how we are inconvenienced cause they are too lazy to lift it themselves in the first placeFreakzilla wrote:I solved the toilet seat issue with my wife easily...
I put the seat AND the lid down.
- Omphalos
- Inglorious Bastard
- Posts: 6677
- Joined: 05 Feb 2008 11:07
- Location: The Mighty Central Valley of California
- Contact:
Exactly!!!Tleilax Master B wrote:Well, true, but it really all balances out in the long run. If I'm sitting around the house and drinking beer, I just piss in the yard. Eliminates all those seat problemsTyrant wrote:i do that as well..its only fair really...both parties have to go thru an action to use the restroom...really we still get screwed...we have to lift..and put it back down..they just have to lift and set their fat ass on the seat .... funny how we are inconvenienced cause they are too lazy to lift it themselves in the first placeFreakzilla wrote:I solved the toilet seat issue with my wife easily...
I put the seat AND the lid down.
- orald
- Posts: 3010
- Joined: 28 Feb 2008 14:48
- Location: Maximum Security Mental Hospital
This is so very true. Sad, funny and true.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill
I'd also like to raise another point- usually these same tree-hugging hippies are animal owners.
Apart from rodents and birds, practically any other pet is a either a carnivore or an omnivore that needs some meat in their diet(which is kind of interesting to say the least- why do we like carnivores as pets so much? because they remind us of ourselves?), which raises the question:
Do they give their pet meat and thus murdering animals, or would they prefer to neglect and abuse them by feeding them only vegtable-based food(in which case, they still murder cute bunnies as shown in the article)?
Unless I've been blind for the last 9 years, my little fluffy wuffy cutesy doggy likes meat very much and feeding him only plants would kill him.
So, how do vegeterians and vegans keep pets?
P.S. I'm munching on a tasty chicken as I type this. In your face, tree-huggers!
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill
I'd also like to raise another point- usually these same tree-hugging hippies are animal owners.
Apart from rodents and birds, practically any other pet is a either a carnivore or an omnivore that needs some meat in their diet(which is kind of interesting to say the least- why do we like carnivores as pets so much? because they remind us of ourselves?), which raises the question:
Do they give their pet meat and thus murdering animals, or would they prefer to neglect and abuse them by feeding them only vegtable-based food(in which case, they still murder cute bunnies as shown in the article)?
Unless I've been blind for the last 9 years, my little fluffy wuffy cutesy doggy likes meat very much and feeding him only plants would kill him.
So, how do vegeterians and vegans keep pets?
P.S. I'm munching on a tasty chicken as I type this. In your face, tree-huggers!
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
- GamePlayer
- 70mm God
- Posts: 2993
- Joined: 09 Feb 2008 11:26
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- valys
- Posts: 67
- Joined: 11 Feb 2008 11:18
- Location: Sietch Timisoara
- Contact:
Don't know if you guys saw this before:
http://www.funtrivia.com/quizzes/litera ... rbert.html
It's been fun at times. And I completly ignored the prequal quizes
http://www.funtrivia.com/quizzes/litera ... rbert.html
It's been fun at times. And I completly ignored the prequal quizes
Like I said before, I never repeat myself.
- orald
- Posts: 3010
- Joined: 28 Feb 2008 14:48
- Location: Maximum Security Mental Hospital
Should we really enter and complete quizzes(why the double "z" BTW?) in a site where there's a quiz titled and detailed as:
Dune: The Butlerian Jihad - Part 1 of 2
This quiz covers the first part of this amazing book by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson.
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
- Tyrant
- Posts: 381
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:45
- Location: Kansas City, MO
lol..omg this guy is funny ...i read much more on his site than just this link ... you have to respect a guy who pisses off everyone so much ... thanks for the link..its now in my favorites sectionsorald wrote:This is so very true. Sad, funny and true.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill
I'd also like to raise another point- usually these same tree-hugging hippies are animal owners.
Apart from rodents and birds, practically any other pet is a either a carnivore or an omnivore that needs some meat in their diet(which is kind of interesting to say the least- why do we like carnivores as pets so much? because they remind us of ourselves?), which raises the question:
Do they give their pet meat and thus murdering animals, or would they prefer to neglect and abuse them by feeding them only vegtable-based food(in which case, they still murder cute bunnies as shown in the article)?
Unless I've been blind for the last 9 years, my little fluffy wuffy cutesy doggy likes meat very much and feeding him only plants would kill him.
So, how do vegeterians and vegans keep pets?
P.S. I'm munching on a tasty chicken as I type this. In your face, tree-huggers!
Your friendly neighborhood Tyrant!!!
- Freakzilla
- Lead Singer and Driver of the Winnebego
- Posts: 18449
- Joined: 05 Feb 2008 01:27
- Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
- Contact:
- Tyrant
- Posts: 381
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:45
- Location: Kansas City, MO
I spent 3 hours last night reading all his stuff and laughing my ass off... dont think ive ever laughed that much (not counting acid trips)orald wrote:He's right when he says the LoTR trilogy didn't have enough lesbians in it...very disappointing.
I have a new idol
Your friendly neighborhood Tyrant!!!
- SandChigger
- KJASF Ground Zero
- Posts: 14492
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:29
- Location: A continuing state of irritation
- Contact:
You mean you guys are just now discovering Maddox?
He's a riot. I wish he'd publish more hate mail. And more articles in general, of course. He's got a book out, but I haven't had a look at it.
Naturally, I don't agree with his anti-Mac rants.
"Let the dead give water to the dead. As for me, it's NO MORE FUCKING TEARS!"
- Tyrant
- Posts: 381
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:45
- Location: Kansas City, MO
lol...i put the youtube spoof of the mac commercial he made on my myspace account {btw...myspace is gay (seinfeld:not that theres anything wrong with that)}SandChigger wrote:
You mean you guys are just now discovering Maddox?
He's a riot. I wish he'd publish more hate mail. And more articles in general, of course. He's got a book out, but I haven't had a look at it.
Naturally, I don't agree with his anti-Mac rants.
Your friendly neighborhood Tyrant!!!
- orald
- Posts: 3010
- Joined: 28 Feb 2008 14:48
- Location: Maximum Security Mental Hospital
Like I said, Chig, I saw the site before, it looked familier, but appearantly my mind was on other things to care to keep it in my favourites.
Even now, though I praised it, I haven't actually found the moment to read anything after I read the Hate Mail section.
Maybe I'm just too inherently lazy.
Even now, though I praised it, I haven't actually found the moment to read anything after I read the Hate Mail section.
Maybe I'm just too inherently lazy.
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
- inhuien
- Posts: 3638
- Joined: 09 Feb 2008 05:03
Maddox is da bomb I'm must have read his whole site and I'm sure it's more the apple corp in general that he hatesSandChigger wrote:
You mean you guys are just now discovering Maddox?
He's a riot. I wish he'd publish more hate mail. And more articles in general, of course. He's got a book out, but I haven't had a look at it.
Naturally, I don't agree with his anti-Mac rants.
+1 re more hate mail, He's not been updating his site much for the last year at least he must be getting his hole, ach well our loss.
- valys
- Posts: 67
- Joined: 11 Feb 2008 11:18
- Location: Sietch Timisoara
- Contact: