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    Non-dune discussion

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Freakzilla
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Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 30 Aug 2009 02:56

The Big Lebowski is one of my favorite movies.

"Shut the fuck up Donnie, you're out of your element."

http://dudeism.com/takeiteasymanifesto.html

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The section in the Judeo-Christian bible called Deuteronomy deals with laws you need to follow to live your life. They are hopelessly outdated. Here's the Dudeo-Coen version of them.

BOOK 1

1. Thou shalt always use fresh creamer when preparing the sacrificial beverage. To ensure its freshness, it must be sniffed and even sampled before purchase. If it is unclean, put it back.

2. Ideally half-and-half shall be used in preparing the sacrificial beverage. Failing this, milk, and under the most dire of circumstances, non-dairy creamer.

3. Always write checks whenever possible, as your cash is limited and you never know when you might have to pay off roving bands of heathen Nihilists.

4. When confronted by vicious thugs demanding money, give them it. If you don't have it, employ humor to lighten the situation. Do not under any circumstances try to fight back by hurling a bowling ball at them.

5. When discussing a matter of grave importance, or even of trifling idiocy, always make sure to employ expletives as much as possible to prove your heartfelt honesty and conviction. To ensure your dudeness, all out-of-control, manic discussions should be followed with entreaties to "just take it easy, man."

6. If an adversary is clearly too uptight to see things from your perspective, don your sunglasses and intone "Fuck it." Then take something of fair value from his house as you depart.

7. Employ comfortable furnishings in your home such as reclining chairs, scented candles, Persian rugs and fanciful mini-bars with ironic posters of former adversaries. Your house is your temple and your temple should be well tied-together.

8. Always honor your landlord. Do your best to pay the rent on time. Failing that, indulge his artistic ambitions regardless of how utterly misguided they might be.

9. Never have an outward-opening door on your house.

10. When confronted by a large man with a gun who demands you mark it zero, oblige him. Otherwise you risk entering a world of pain. Ideally he will get his comeuppance from the League for contravening a number of its bylaws.



BOOK 2

1. Never trust wealthy, successful people you hardly know who want to employ you to engage in shady undertakings.

2. Money is the root of all evil. It's also the root of all good stories, so hooray for money.

3. A plan referred to as foolproof is often proved foolish.

4. If you're a pederast, identify yourself with a major religion in order to throw people off the scent.

5. Respect everyone's point of view. It's just, like, their opinion, man.

6. Always remember interesting turns of phrase that you hear so that you can employ them in completely unrelated situations later and convincingly sound as if you know what you're talking about.

7. The ringer can't look empty.

8. Make sure to always use the proper form of the pronoun. No one uses the editorial or royal "we" in everyday exchange unless they're trying to hide something.

9. Never park in a handicapped space if you've got a million dollars in your car. In fact, never leave a million dollars in your car, especially if your car is in lousy condition.

10. If a doctor is referred to as "thorough," harbor some reservations about visiting him. Unless of course you enjoy that sort of thing.

11. When confronted by unfortunate circumstances, forget about it. You can't be worrying about that shit. Life goes on.

12. Always protect your sacrificial beverage, even in times of severe duress.

13. Whenever possible, try to get paid in cash in order to avoid getting bumped up into a higher tax bracket.

BOOK 3

1. Freedom is great. Many young men have died face-down in the muck to protect our freedoms. Nevertheless, one should still be courteous and keep their voice down in a family restaurant.

2. Unless you're a high-ranking member of society, don't expect too much from the police.

3. Sometimes not having an ethos is an ethos in itself. Usually it's a bad one, though.

4. Never go into a tournament with a negative attitude.

5. Try not to use so many cuss words. Unless they're near and dear to your heart, in which case, fuck it.

6. Make sure the window of your car is rolled down before ejecting a burning object. You probably shouldn't drink beer and drive either, even though it might come in useful to extinguish the burning object.

7. When strange men show up at your house accusing you of a crime and brandishing evidence at you, it is best that you feign mental illness and don't say peep.

8. What happens when one fucks a stranger in the ass is not always what one might think will happen, nor what is necessarily fair or just to any of the concerned parties.

9. Never trust a known pornographer to whom any sizeable sum of money is owed.

10. Never trust an African-American cab driver who enjoys listening to the Eagles.

BOOK 4

1. If you are a man of modest means and charisma and a rich, beautiful woman wants to have sex with you, don't question her motives until after the act is over.

2. Avoid living in the past, even if memories can be beautiful and remind you of a time you once enjoyed.

3. Though the man in the black pajamas might be a worthy adversary, you should avoid him whenever possible. Especially if he's easily avoided. Choose instead to cling to the tree of life.

4. Just because you're bereaved doesn't make you a sap. Keep your wits about you, even when you're bummed out.

5. Take 'er easy for all the sinners of the world, dude. Abide. And amen.

As an ordained Dudeist Priest, you can minister over religious ceremonies in most U.S. States (laws vary, so check with your local County Clerk first), and assorted other countries.
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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E. LeGuille
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Re: Dudeism

Postby E. LeGuille » 30 Aug 2009 03:13

I love that movie. I have to get a hold of it again.
Pitty this poor 23 year old who is not able to understand the world.
Like a preek.
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Long Live the Fighters.

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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 30 Aug 2009 03:52

E. LeGuille wrote:I love that movie. I have to get a hold of it again.
Pitty this poor 23 year old who is not able to understand the world.
Like a preek.



Do not pity yourself.

Admitting ignorance is the key to knowledge.
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Sep 2009 09:37

I got my first Dudeism newsletter this weekend:

Hi Dudes,
This is just a note to let all our ordained Dudeist Priests know about some recent developments at Dudeism (The Church of the Latter-Day Dude).

First off, Dudeism was featured prominently in a funny Volkswagen ad campaign. You can read about it and watch the video here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/au ... g-lebowski

We've also launched our first holy book: The Tao Dude Ching. It's a reworked version of the Tao Te Ching (the holy book of Taoism) using dialogue and story elements from The Big Lebowski.
You can read it here for free: http://www.dudeism.com/tao

If any of you are interested in appearing as a Dudeist Priest on TV, in a magazine article, or in an upcoming documentary, check out this article at the Dudespaper:
http://dudespaper.com/your-fifteen-marm ... fame.html/

That's it for now! But a there's a lot more new developments coming up soon.

Also, if you haven't checked out the Dudespaper (http://dudespaper.com) in a while, please do. There have been a lot of great contributions from die-hard Dudeists all over the world.

Take er easy,
Oliver Benjamin
The Dudely Lama of Dudeism
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Seraphan
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Seraphan » 28 Sep 2009 11:14

"you said it man, no one fucks with the jesus"
One of my fav movies of all time.
"You see this Larry?! This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!"
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"The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand." - Frank Herbert
“This tutoring is dialectical. Literature makes us better noticers of life; we get to practice on life itself; which in turn makes us better readers of detail in literature; which in turn makes us better readers of life. And so on and on.” - James Wood

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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 15 Dec 2009 07:59

News from Dudeism.com for all our Ordained Dudeist Priests

This is just another friendly hello to tell you about new stuff that's going on over at Dudeism.

1) First off, the Tao Dude Ching (http://dudeism.com/tao) has been renamed "The Dude De Ching" and is now available in print format for a low price. We renamed it to avoid confusing it with our upcoming book "The Tao of the Dude".
You can order The Dude De Ching here: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-b ... ng/8059795

Note that the entire $2 royalty we earn will go into a fund that will be charitably donated via the website www.kiva.org. The print version is illustrated by award-winning mystery novelist and cartoonist Colin Cotterill (www.colincotterill.com).

2) We've engineered a free software program that helps you take it easy! The Dudeism Pop-Up Relaxation Reminder reminds you to take regular breaks while at the computer in order to keep your mind limber. You can download that here:
http://download.cnet.com/Pop-Up-Relaxat ... 77387.html

3) We've also come up with some cool new tee-shirt and sweatshirt designs. If you hurry you can still get some in time for Christmas. Give a Dudeist gift to someone you dig:
http://dudeism.spreadshirt.com/shop/designs

Note that there's other groovy Xmas ideas at our Prinfection and Cafepress stores - visit our store (http://dudeism.com/store.html) and scroll down for the links. The beer mugs at Printfection are especially nice.

4) A friendly bunch of Brits are going to be headed around the States starting in December putting together a documentary on Dudeism. If you'd like to be featured in the film or just know more about it, please visit them at their website: http://www.adudesodyssey.com

5) Lots of people have been asking us about the Ordained Minister ID cards shown in the famous Dudeism VW commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYUD6vs0pg4). We plan to have those ready for order next month, along with some other cool new stuff. We'll let you know soon when it's all up and running.

Also, if you haven't checked out the Dudespaper (http://dudespaper.com) in a while, please do. There have been a lot of great contributions from die-hard Dudeists all over the world.

Of course, if you don't want to receive any more emails from us, just send an email to subscriptions@dudeism.com with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line. And if you change your mind, you can get back on the list by sending an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Please don't send anything to this email address, as we hardly ever check it -- to contact us please use www.dudeism.com/contact.html.

Take er easy,
Rev. Oliver Benjamin
The Dudely Lama of the Church of the Latter-Day Dude
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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13athroom
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Re: Dudeism

Postby 13athroom » 15 Dec 2009 21:09

ive been on that sites spamlist for years.

anybody watch Trailer Park Boys?
julian is a dudeist, no doubt. bubbles too.

have you ever watched what happens when you let vodka and milk congeal for a few minutes?

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13athroom
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Re: Dudeism

Postby 13athroom » 09 Jan 2010 13:21

Lewbowski? check.
written for the stage? yes.
is it shakesperian? sho 'nuff.

1.2

[The bowling green. Enter THE KNAVE, WALTER and DONALD, to play at ninepins]

WALTER
In sooth, then, faithful friend, this was a rug of value? Thou wouldst call it not a rug among ordinary rugs, but a rug of purpose? A star in a firmament, in step with the fashion alike to the Whitsun morris-dance? A worthy rug, a rug of consequence, sir?

THE KNAVE
It was of consequence, I should think; verily, it tied the room together, gather’d its qualities as the sweet lovers’ spring grass doth the morning dew or the rough scythe the first of autumn harvests. It sat between the four sides of the room, making substance of a square, respecting each wall in equal harmony, in geometer’s cap; a great reckoning in a little room. Verily, it transform’d the room from the space between four walls presented, to the harbour of a man’s monarchy.

WALTER
Indeed, a rug of value; an estimable rug, an honour’d rug; O unhappy rug, that should live to cover such days!

DONALD
Of what dost thou speak, that tied the room together, Knave? Take pains, for I would well hear of that which tied the room together.

WALTER
Didst thou attend the Knave’s tragic history, Sir Donald?

DONALD
Nay, good Sir Walter, I was a-bowling.


more
http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski/

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Harq al Ada
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Harq al Ada » 09 Jan 2010 15:04

Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

one of the movies I watch regularly.

I became a minister online the other day. I don't remember what branch of christianity it was though. I thought it would have been more difficult than "fill out the below information and then click here."
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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Re: Dudeism

Postby Schu » 12 Jan 2010 23:55

the dude abides.

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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 04 Feb 2010 10:58

Howdy Dudes,

This is just another friendly hello to tell you about new stuff that's going on over at Dudeism.

1) THE DUDE DE CHING BOOK GIVEAWAY

A very cool website called TheToiletPaper.com is sponsoring a giveaway of printed versions of our holy text, The Dude De Ching (http://dudeism.com/tao).

To win a copy, all you have to do is subscribe to their website: http://thetoiletpaper.com/landing-thedudespaper.html - they're very dudeish and we'd dig their style even if they weren't helping us spread the dude word.

To know more about the giveaway, just visit the article about it at the Dudespaper: http://dudespaper.com/thetoiletpapercom ... away.html/


2) REDUCED PRICES AND MORE MERCHANDISE DESIGNS AT OUR PRINTFECTION STORE

For a limited time, prices on all of our Prinfection store stuff (tee shirts, sweatshirts, beer mugs, coasters, etc.) will be reduced by almost 20 percent. We've also introduced lots of cool new designs so please go check them out!

http://www.printfection.com/dudeism

Prices will go back up in about a month so if you've got your eye on a Dude Vinci tee shirt or a Dudeist Priest Beer Stein, now's the time to take that hill, dude, and save a few bones or clams, or whatever you call them.


3) THE DAY OF THE DUDE

March 6th will be Dudeism's high holy day: The Day of the Dude. It commemorates the day The Big Lebowksi was first released, back in 1998 A.D. (Anno Dudeni - The Year of the Dude).

We welcome any and all suggestions for how people should observe this holiest Dudeist day of the year. And we hope that observant Dudes will post videos from their celebrations on You Tube. So stock up on festive supplies, get your bowling lanes reserved, and make a nice garden party of it for the whole world to see!

Please send any suggestions and ideas to the email address at our contact page: http://dudeism.com/contact.html.

Also, if you know anyone who works in the media, please tell them about Dudeism and the Day of the Dude. It'd be a great story to cover.

We considered several days but settled on March 6th. You can see the whole story in this forum thread: http://dudeism.com/smf/index.php?topic=288.0


Finally, if you haven't checked out the Dudespaper (http://dudespaper.com) in a while, please do. There have been a lot of great contributions from die-hard Dudeists all over the world.

Of course, if you don't want to receive any more emails from us, just send an email to subscriptions@dudeism.com with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line. And if you change your mind, you can get back on the list by sending an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Please don't send anything to this email address, as we hardly ever check it -- to contact us please use http://www.dudeism.com/contact.html.

Take er easy,
Rev. Oliver Benjamin
The Dudely Lama of the Church of the Latter-Day Dude
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Re: Dudeism

Postby nampigai » 04 Feb 2010 11:05

ahh The Big Lebowski - it's been a while since I last saw that movie. As far as I remember - hustler will make a porn-re-make of this epic movie too.
Do not be quick to reveal judgment. Hidden judgment is often more potent. It can guide reaction whose effects are felt only when too late to divert them.
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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 04 Feb 2010 11:08

nampigai wrote:ahh The Big Lebowski - it's been a while since I last saw that movie. As far as I remember - hustler will make a porn-re-make of this epic movie too.


I'm not sure whether to consider that blasphemy or an honor. :?
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Re: Dudeism

Postby nampigai » 04 Feb 2010 11:30

I'm not sure either - but hey, it's porn!
Do not be quick to reveal judgment. Hidden judgment is often more potent. It can guide reaction whose effects are felt only when too late to divert them.
- Bene Gesserit Advice to Postulants

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Re: Dudeism

Postby SandChigger » 05 May 2010 23:54

This is kinda random, but I thought Freak might enjoy it...

I was tooling around for some things in the ole Wehr's "Greenie Meanie" the other night and happened upon the Arabic word for "worm": دود (dûd)!

Or spelled differently, DOOD! :lol:

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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 06 May 2010 05:27

Coincidence? I think NOT! :D
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Re: Dudeism

Postby merkin muffley » 06 May 2010 07:26

the dude is the worm, the worm is the dude

Lebowski is in the pantheon with Strangelove
"I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."

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Re: Dudeism

Postby SandChigger » 06 May 2010 07:41

:lol:

Freakzilla wrote:Coincidence? I think NOT! :D

I knew you'd appreciate this one. :D

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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Feb 2011 13:02

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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 07 Apr 2011 10:16

A Modern Interfaith Relationship: Dudeism and Pastafarianism

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By Rev. Stella Quinn
High Priest of Zymurgy

As a Dudeist, I’ve had to grapple with the meaning of belonging to a new religious movement in the modern world. Especially since my boyfriend is a Pastafarian. That’s right. I’m in an inter-sorta-faith relationship.
Initially, our sorta-faith systems may seem incompatible. After all, Pastafarians are really big on sarcasm and propaganda and we Dudeists are way too laid back to bother trying to convince other people to take up our faith. At first I thought I was getting proselytized when my man gave me a copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But then I realized the book was really fucking funny, so why wouldn’t I want to read it?.

As a Pastafarian, my man worships the great Flying Spaghetti Monster and pleads that he can receive the blessings of his noodly appendage. This also means he’s preoccupied with pirates and their obvious connection to global warming. But you know what? I can dig that. Pirates are cool. Pirates aren’t pacifists, but they aren’t nihilists either. They have passion for life but aren’t concerned with mainstream career expectations, which is a very Dudeist way of experiencing the world. They also like rum, which in extreme circumstances can be used to replace vodka in a White Russian. Both Pastafarians and Dudeists can agree on the mantra of "Fuck It," although while I might follow that up with "Let’s go bowling," my boyfriend might say "YARR WE BE COMMANDEERING YONDER SCHOONER!!" Or maybe he’ll just torrent some files. I dunno.

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There’s ways we can celebrate one another’s faith; for example, oat soda goes great with spaghetti, and White Russians make a great apéritif regardless of the meal being served. Pastafarians also don’t as yet have a canonical flick, so it’s cool that The Big Lebowski occupies the place of honor in our shared DVD collection. Likewise, since Dudeists make no claim to know anything about where the universe came from or where it’s going, I have no problem with my boyfriend’s belief that the afterlife has a beer volcano and a stripper factory. Fuckin’ A, who wouldn’t want a beer volcano and a stripper factory? I’m cool with the Pastafarian holiday of Holiday, and I didn’t even have to ask my boyfriend to help me celebrate the Dudeist holiday of the Day of the Dude. We spend pretty much every Sunday sitting around taking ‘er easy on the couch anyway!
If we ever end up with a Little Lebowski on the way, we’ll have to grapple with which faith we’re going to ram down our offspring’s throat. Or maybe we’ll have to come up with a way to honor both systems, like those half goyim/half shomer shabbos kids I grew up with who got presents for Hanukkuh AND Christmas. Lucky fuckers.

I lost my train of thought there . . . oh yeah. My point is that just like people from more elderly religious traditions have to negotiate differences of faith, so will those of us who belong to newer ways of thinking. And in true Dudeist fashion, I’m cool with whatever my man believes. As long as he doesn’t make me come to some kind of modern dance thing where he’s wearing an ivy-covered unitard.

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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Re: Dudeism

Postby D Pope » 07 Apr 2011 12:45

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-nbDiWLdrs&feature=related[/youtube]
Leto II is gone for good, except for OM. The "pearl" was just that; a miniscule portion of what Leto was, and not a compressed version of the whole. The pearl that the worms have do not make them Leto, or in any way similar to him.
-Omphalos

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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 07 Apr 2011 12:51

Quite a few BL references in there. :clap:
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 04 May 2011 13:22

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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 10 May 2011 14:39

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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman

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Freakzilla
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Re: Dudeism

Postby Freakzilla » 13 May 2011 10:05

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THE DUDE SHAWL CARDIGAN
51402

Anti-heroes unite and wear the sweater jacket that everyone covets. Like our original, this vintage look is inspired by sweaters made by the Cowichan Natives of British Columbia. Chunky 3-gauge knit with leather tab pull. Lambswool. Dry clean. Imported.
{ more information }
$188.00

http://www.pendleton-usa.com/product/Me ... c/1814.uts
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman


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