Dune fans: your director could be THIS bad

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TheDukester
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Dune fans: your director could be THIS bad

Postby TheDukester » 09 Nov 2008 19:37

Oh, dearie me ...

Not a good day for big Robert E. Howard/Conan fans (of which I'm happy to count myself one of ... or something ... that's not a real sentence, but whatever): Conan 2010 is to be directed by Bret Ratner:

http://www.cinematical.com/

I will take Peter Berg over this clown any day of the week (and twice on Sundays).

Ugh. Two of my favorite fictional worlds are getting the movie treatment in 2010 ... and both movies are going to suck like a Tijuana hooker.

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Postby Robspierre » 10 Nov 2008 02:37

Jesus fucking christ on a goddamn pogostick and i thought Rodriguez's take on Red Sonja sounded bad.....

Rob

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Postby GamePlayer » 10 Nov 2008 14:35

It's way down at the bottom of the page. Here it is before it disappears:

Ratner to Delay Ruining 'BHC 4' So He Can Ruin 'Conan' First

by Eric D. Snider Nov 9th 2008 // 5:33PM

Brett Ratner seems like a perfect fit for Beverly Hills Cop 4: a director nobody likes making a sequel nobody wants. It was announced back in May that he was taking on the project, with Eddie Murphy and an R-rated approach intact despite rumors to the contrary on both counts. But now, with a BHC 4 script still unfinished, Ratner is looking at something to work on in the meantime -- a reboot of Conan the Barbarian.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Ratner is thisclose to signing a deal to direct a hard-R-rated Conan, with a 2010 release in mind. The screenplay is by Joshua Oppenheimer and Thomas Dean Donnelly, who also wrote Sahara and A Sound of Thunder and based their Conan script on the original stories from the 1930s. (Yes, that's when Conan was created. No, he wasn't an ancient mythological character.) THR notes that Oppenheimer and Donnelly are "doing a quick polish" of their work "to incorporate some of Ratner's ideas." That doesn't bode well -- but then again, neither does hiring the guys who wrote Sahara and A Sound of Thunder.

On the other hand, the original Conan stories weren't exactly high literature. They were pulpy, cheesy, and goofy. The first Conan movie, Conan the Barbarian, which helped launch the career of a certain U.S. governor, wasn't very faithful to those stories, but it was successful in its own right. The sequel, Conan the Destroyer, was jokier and went for a softer rating, thus dooming the franchise after only two entries. A loud, explosive, over-the-top, ridiculous reboot might be just what the character needs -- in which case Ratner is definitely the man for the job.

Oh, and Ratner still intends to direct BHC 4, too, only now it will be after Conan. That means for the next couple years, Ratner will be too busy to interfere with anymore superhero franchises, which will help a lot of comic-book geeks sleep easier.


I was going to think of something witty to reply with, but this fella writing the article already beat me to them all. I'm jealous :)
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TheDukester
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Postby TheDukester » 10 Nov 2008 14:44

GamePlayer wrote:It's way down at the bottom of the page.

Yeah, I'd never heard of the site, but I thought it was funny. The news is also beginning to appear on more traditional news sites now, too.

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Postby Tleszer » 10 Nov 2008 17:25

A movie "Conan" couldn't suck, right? I mean, it'll be filled with gore and nudity and racism and evil wizards. An excellent summer movie!


*Note 1: I haven't seen the other two movies but it enjoy the cartoon when I was a kid.

*Note 2: I like sarcasm, just about as much as I hate cats. Slayer of Kittens ftw! :)
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Postby SandChigger » 10 Nov 2008 19:40

:shock:

You haven't seen the movies?! Oh. My. Gawd.

You really MUST see the first. Be sure to get the cut with the early scene where Conan "shtoops the firebrand". ;)
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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Postby Tleszer » 10 Nov 2008 20:01

I've been meaning to see them. In April/May I went to Blockbuster to rent them but couldn't find the movies. I'll try again soon. I have no desire to get on Conan's bad side.

Conan's the guy with the red hair, right? :wink:
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Postby SandChigger » 10 Nov 2008 21:12

Nerdy late-nite Mick? Yeah, that's him. :wink:
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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Postby EsperandoAGodot » 12 Nov 2008 00:48

Speaking of raping source material, did anyone see A Sound of Thunder?
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Tleszer
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Postby Tleszer » 12 Nov 2008 08:44

I've thought about it but heard that it was terrible. Maybe if it plays on TV...
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on A sound of thunder

Postby Sole Man » 12 Nov 2008 15:42

EsperandoAGodot wrote:Speaking of raping source material, did anyone see A Sound of Thunder?


That's the Ray Bradbury where they step on a butterfly in Dinosuar times and it changes all the humans in the "Present" to dinosuars, or something of that general nture?

I saw the movie and thought it was good, but never read the story. (Or book or whatever it was)

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Postby SandChigger » 12 Nov 2008 18:21

Oh...that thing?

Sorry, EAG, it was so completely shitty that I obviously blocked all memories even associating the title with it.

Litany of St. Mallory time: BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.

Even the SFX don't save it. Just BAD.

Avoid at all costs if you haven't seen it. (Or watch it with drunk friends, make popcorn and throw it at the TV.)

Read the Bradbury story instead.

(BAD)
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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Postby Freakzilla » 12 Nov 2008 18:26

I was warned about how unbelievably bad that show was by coworkers, thankfully.
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EsperandoAGodot
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Postby EsperandoAGodot » 12 Nov 2008 18:40

SandChigger wrote:Oh...that thing?

Sorry, EAG, it was so completely shitty that I obviously blocked all memories even associating the title with it.

Yeah, I know, I saw it. I paid money to see it.
SandChigger wrote:Even the SFX don't save it. Just BAD.

The SFX were godawful.
SandChigger wrote:(Or watch it with drunk friends, make popcorn and throw it at the TV.)

Drunk friends...popcorn throwing...yes, that was my experience.
SandChigger wrote:Read the Bradbury story instead.

(BAD)

My favorite Bradbury story :-(.

Anyway, yeah, if these guys are responsible for A Sound of Thunder, then, well...Conan doesn't stand a chance.
DUNE - Chronicles of the Imperium

A free-form, forum based RPG

http://boards.theforce.net/non_star_war ... 346/p1/?11

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Postby SandChigger » 12 Nov 2008 19:43

EsperandoAGodot wrote:Yeah, I know, I saw it. I paid money to see it.

OUCH. :(

I mean, I paid to see it, too, but it was on one of my satellite movie channels, so the monetary pain at least was more diffuse. ;)
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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Postby Simon » 13 Nov 2008 09:56

Robspierre wrote:Jesus fucking christ on a goddamn pogostick and i thought Rodriguez's take on Red Sonja sounded bad.....

Rob


::shivers::: uugghhh Red Sonja, I'd forgotten about that pile.

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Simon
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Re: Dune fans: your director could be THIS bad

Postby Simon » 13 Nov 2008 09:59

TheDukester wrote:Oh, dearie me ...

Not a good day for big Robert E. Howard/Conan fans (of which I'm happy to count myself one of ... or something ... that's not a real sentence, but whatever): Conan 2010 is to be directed by Bret Ratner:

http://www.cinematical.com/

I will take Peter Berg over this clown any day of the week (and twice on Sundays).

Ugh. Two of my favorite fictional worlds are getting the movie treatment in 2010 ... and both movies are going to suck like a Tijuana hooker.


Hope they pick a good Conan...


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