It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

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Thodol
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It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Thodol » 31 May 2010 10:13

The very instant I heard about the Dune books being continued by the spawn and jedi hack I knew it would be bad. I just put them out of my mind, I assumed that they would be set thousands of years distant and so however shitty they may be at least they would be insulated from the canonical lore. I somehow ended up reading a review on amazon for one of the books. During the pages of 1 star reviews and critiques I became entranced, I was amazed at some of the references being made. A book that takes place in between Dune and DM?! Claims that the original books were not the authoritative standard of what was official cannon?! I could not believe what I was reading. I eventually end up at this site. I go to the comprehensive cannon inconsistency thread and read...it all. I then read some of the other pertinent threads (interviews with the "authors" and such).

I am simply astounded, by several aspects of this horror show.

1. That Brian Herbert would not only allow this to happen, but defend it.
2. That there are human beings capable of reading the original books and defend the existence of the sequel/prequel/made some shit up versions. The only possible defense that does not warrant being hung is, "Yes, the new books are complete shit but I enjoy shit books so I do not mind."
3. That the Jedi fuck (whatever that fucks name is) seriously attempts to defend not only his utter raping of the entire Dune universe. But the fact he cannot write for shit, in any capacity. Its not a matter of differing stylistic approaches to Dune... HE CANNOT FUCKING WRITE! I have read Shadowrun and Warhammer40k novels that make some of the shit I have seen referenced appear to be works of fucking art.

Outside of my seething nerd rage for the corpse fucking Dune has received (and that rage is fierce and bright). I am sad for my species. That this is was not only allowed to occur, but has legions of fucking morons cheering for it. That it is probably making these fucking toads wealthy. I am disturbed in a way I cant fully comprehend or accept. Woe to us all.

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Freakzilla
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Freakzilla » 31 May 2010 10:47

:lol: You're going to fit right in here.
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
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DuneFishUK
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby DuneFishUK » 31 May 2010 11:47

Welcome home :)

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Serkanner
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Serkanner » 31 May 2010 13:12

Welcome Home!
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."

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lotek
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby lotek » 31 May 2010 13:14

Thodol wrote: That this is was not only allowed to occur, but has legions of fucking morons cheering for it.


:lol:
and so true!

They are.. the KJASF ;) The legions of Dull I call them now!

Welcome twice welcome!!






Edit: Omph fixed tags.
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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SandChigger
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby SandChigger » 31 May 2010 13:28

Achlan wasachlan! :)
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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Omphalos
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Omphalos » 31 May 2010 13:40

Hellooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

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lotek
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby lotek » 31 May 2010 14:35

lotek wrote:Edit: Omph fixed tags.


what did I do?
Not bitchin' :) just wondering!
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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Tleszer
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Tleszer » 31 May 2010 15:53

Welcome, fellow Cast Out! :orcs-buttshake:
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Omphalos
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Omphalos » 31 May 2010 16:54

lotek wrote:
lotek wrote:Edit: Omph fixed tags.


what did I do?
Not bitchin' :) just wondering!


Your quote tag was broken. I fixed it, but when I do that I always put a note into the message, just so's it doesn't look like I'm messing with the text.

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lotek
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby lotek » 31 May 2010 17:12

all right!
I usually preview my messages to make sure they are readable, I must have skipped it :)
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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A Thing of Eternity
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 31 May 2010 17:28

Yup, you'll be right at home here! Welcome.
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Ampoliros
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Ampoliros » 31 May 2010 20:04

Great, yet another SandChigger sockpuppet. How does he keep us all straight in his mind and find time to add more of us? I think KJA might soon have to agree that there are at least 8-12 of us, up from 7-10.
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TheDukester
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby TheDukester » 31 May 2010 20:14

My favorite is the "handful" of "disgruntled" fans.

It's amazing how everyone who has ever disagreed with Spanky is "disgruntled." It's never once occurred to him that maybe there's some actual reasons for the disagreement.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.

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merkin muffley
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby merkin muffley » 31 May 2010 23:25

Thodol wrote:HE CANNOT FUCKING WRITE!



Yeah, it's so frustrating, isn't it? Welcome.
"I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."

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SandRider
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby SandRider » 01 Jun 2010 00:48


Welcome. Your Water is Ours.


if you're just getting into this, be prepared to get really, really angry for awhile ...

so yeah, if you've been upset by the Paul of Dune, and the "how can Brian do this" the "Spanky McDune ?
who the fuck is Spanky McDune" ... just wait ... you're going to discover in-fucking-credible documentation
of amazing feats of stupidity and horseshit bordering on art ... the failings of the nuDune books themselves pale
in comparison to the personal life-failings of Brian & Spanky, Byron Merritt, and the HLP as a whole; then,there
are the Spanky McDune fans ...

don't worry, tho, we're here to support you during this difficult period; when you read something here that has
been done to Frank and his books that seem ... fictional, not even possible in the real world, a parody of a
literary estate & trust, or just plain stupid and evil, and come screaming into the sietch, HOLY FUCK THESE
LOUSY STINKBAIT FUCKERS GODDAMN CIRCUS CLOWN JUGGLING ASSASSINS ? WHAT THE FUCK ? I MEAN
WHAT THE GODDAMN FUCK ??!? CROSS DRESSING ROBOTS ? HOLY FUCK, IS SPANKY MCDUNE RETARDED ?
AND OH MY GOD, SWEET-BABY-JESUS-IN-THE-CROSSWALK, I JUST CHECKED OUT HIS DAILY TWITTERINGS
WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE, AND GOODCHRIST I JUST ASKED MERRITT OVER ON THE CORPORATE DUNE
FORUM WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO PUBLISH FRANK'S "DUNE7" NOTES AND HE KICKED-BANNED ME, BLOCKED
ALL THE IPs ON MY ISP'S SERVER, AND NOW SOME WEIRD-ASS LITTLE POISON-DWARF IS SENDING ME REALLY,
REALLY FUCKED-UP WAY-TOO-PERSONAL-EMAILS AND SOME DEAD FUCKER IN OKLAHOMA, OKLAHOMA
OF THE LOVE OF GOD, SAYS HE'S NAMING ME AS A TERRORIST IN SOME LAWSUIT AND HAS REPORTED ME
TO THE FBI, HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE ? ........
GODDAMN ASSHAT PICKLE-FUCKERS .... we'll just chuckle a little, nod and smile, yeah, brother, we know,
welcome to the club ... hey, wait 'til you run into a trainwreck we lovingly call Hyppo ....

and the bitch of it is, just when you think you've seen these retarded monkeyfucks do all the stupid,
embarrassing, or ill-conceived idiot-icy imaginable ... oh, hell no, they got something new damn near
everyday ...

so ...what happens is ... you come to terms with it ... you will realize that what Spanky and the Bastard have
done will in no way affect the "Legacy" of Frank's Dune ... in fact, as the books get worse & worse, and
Spanky's true talentless and asshole nature is revealed (twitter is not your friend, Keith) the history
of Frank's Dune in the future will treat this period as what it was - talentless heirs to a literary legacy hire
a talk-a-book-a-day hack and make as much money as they can before the bottom falls out on their house of cards ...
and in comparing and contrasting how pitiful not just the McDune, but how bad all of Spanky's writing
is (including blahgs, myspaces, and twits) the more it will dawn on the average idiot just how talented and
intelligent Frank Herbert was ...

and so, you turn that rage and anger into something else .... just the good entertainment of mocking
these poor pitiful fucks, and cyberstalking their retarded fans into committing internet suicide ...

so later on, when someone tells you that Spanky McDune wrote in an "official canon" Dune-franchise book that
the worms shit pure spice, anger won't even be an available emotion .... incredulity , either ... after turning
the Butlerian Jihad into a battle against Skynet and Brains-in-Jars, Marty and Daniel into ancient robots,
and everything Frank wrote into Irulan's propaganda, and getting to know the pompous ass that is Spanky
J. McDune, you won't be surprised at anything they come up with to trip each up with their own dicks ...
f'instance, the "SuperStar of Writing Seminar" .... GummiWorms .... Bryon Merritt, Grandson of The Spice,
getting his Dune-movie news from google-search ... &etc.... &etc...

but then, after a while, that's not even funny, anymore, it's just fucking sad ... but ... then, a pretard or
low-grade internet moron will stumble into the web ... and we'll have some fun for awhile ... but ... in the end ...
that's sad and depressing, too ...

huh. well, fuck this, I'm going to go out to the barn and shot myself in the face with a shotgun ...

I leave all my internet intellectual property to Tleszer ...



"My boots? What? Well, why would I give a fuck if you twats buried me with my boots on ?
Fuck, you wanna throw the horse in there, too? Morons. Besides, if I die today, there ain't
gonna be enough of my body left to fill a haversack, much less a casket ... them fucking
Yankees'll burn me alive and drag my ass all the way to New York City ..."

~General Nathan Bedford Forrest, Thompson's Station, 1862
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people.
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merkin muffley
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby merkin muffley » 01 Jun 2010 01:06

I'm also new here, and I recommend going into older threads for the great Dune discussions, of course, but also because there have been a lot of interesting characters come through here.

SandRider wrote:hey, wait 'til you run into a trainwreck we lovingly call Hyppo ....


I would love to meet Hyppo... :twisted:
"I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."

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TheDukester
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby TheDukester » 01 Jun 2010 01:48

SandRider wrote:so ...what happens is ... you come to terms with it ... you will realize that what Spanky and the Bastard have
done will in no way affect the "Legacy" of Frank's Dune ... in fact, as the books get worse & worse, and
Spanky's true talentless and asshole nature is revealed (twitter is not your friend, Keith) the history
of Frank's Dune in the future will treat this period as what it was - talentless heirs to a literary legacy hire
a talk-a-book-a-day hack and make as much money as they can before the bottom falls out on their house of cards ...
and in comparing and contrasting how pitiful not just the McDune, but how bad all of Spanky's writing
is (including blahgs, myspaces, and twits) the more it will dawn on the average idiot just how talented and
intelligent Frank Herbert was ...

A fine description of the Stages of Dealing with Spanky and Bobo.

Sheer disbelief is usually the first stage (and, for some, it's the second and third, as well). Anger always follows. Following some intermediate stages, it is often possible to eventually accept Keith and the Sidekick for what they are: third-rate whores who will be utterly and completely forgotten.

To paraphrase the Raymond Chandler exchange with the reporter: Frank Herbert's books will still be just fine long after The Hack and The Idiot Son have been reduced to footnotes.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.

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Omphalos
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Omphalos » 01 Jun 2010 01:49

I'm pretty sure Hyppo is gone for good. Having Arrakeen snatched away from her just took the wind right out of her sails. It almost wasn't even fun poking and prodding her after it happened.

Thodol
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Thodol » 01 Jun 2010 05:27

I honestly thought it was sort of a joke. Like the books sucked and some fans were taking the piss by embellishing how bad they were. Not one member of the Herbert clan could be bothered to read the books and do basic over-site? No monkey! Fenrig attacking Paul after Dune makes no sense, bad monkey!

Man, this entire weekend I have been cramming in 2 weeks of assignments so I can have a full week of vacation. And I keep coming back or interwebing related things. Worst timing ever...

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Nekhrun
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Nekhrun » 01 Jun 2010 05:28

Omphalos wrote:I'm pretty sure Hyppo is gone for good. Having Arrakeen snatched away from her just took the wind right out of her sails. It almost wasn't even fun poking and prodding her after it happened.

Almost.

Sandrider, you should've written the Jonah Hex movie.
"If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos :character-cookiemonster:

Happy Memorial Day everyone! -James C. Harwood

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inhuien
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby inhuien » 01 Jun 2010 05:42

hihihi Thodol :)
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Tleszer
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Tleszer » 01 Jun 2010 08:12

Maybe I should submit SandRider's "happy Internet thoughts" to Frank Walden to post his newly acquired blog? I wonder how much moolah I could make... :lol:
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie

A Little Galach
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby A Little Galach » 01 Jun 2010 09:17

Welcome. I approve of your rage.

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Omphalos
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Re: It was worse than anything I could possibly imagine

Postby Omphalos » 01 Jun 2010 13:20

Nekhrun wrote:
Omphalos wrote:I'm pretty sure Hyppo is gone for good. Having Arrakeen snatched away from her just took the wind right out of her sails. It almost wasn't even fun poking and prodding her after it happened.

Almost.

Sandrider, you should've written the Jonah Hex movie.


I wish I had saved the e-mail exchange we had at H.A. when that happened. She was so deflated, so conciliatory. It was beautiful.


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