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    February 8th, 2009, Sunday, about 14:15 GMT +2.

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    February 8th, 2009, Sunday, about 14:15 GMT +2.

    Postby orald » 09 Feb 2009 10:47

    This is when my dog went to lay down to never rise again.

    I was just finishing my morning shift at work, hurrying to get home and call a cab to take us to the vet.

    My mother called me on Saturday afternoon, telling me he hasn't been eating and drinking well, being tired and not urinating. For a week.
    It took her a week to call me, knowing I'd bear all possible expenses alone.
    On that same night it got worse, he had blood in the few urine drops he put out.

    I was an hour away from getting him to the vet, but I guess it was already too late even then. A week.

    I found him lying in the living room beside the sofa, like he was stretching out for a nap, a final nap.
    He vomitted that last nap. Probably the death spasm.
    His lips were curled up in a tiny snarl.
    His eyes staring blankly.
    His pretty black-brown eyes.

    His fur was soft like it's been in life, though his body was stifenning up.

    I took his hands in mine but he didn't respond.
    His soft paws I always liked to caress and kiss, and he always tried to pull them away.

    He didn't try to flick his ear away when I kissed it.
    Didn't had that wonderful content look when I pet the back of his neck.

    He was just lying there, surrounded by the juices of life, released in death. His pointless death. A week.

    It took her a week to call me, until it was too late.
    That same week she called me because their PC's screen wasn't working.
    It didn't work for a day or two, but she called me fast.
    He was obviously seriously ill but it took her all week.
    She called on Saturday afternoon, when she knew I couldn't have done anything anyway.

    He was my only true friend for 10 years, and I didn't even get to celebrate his last birthday last week.
    He was suffering then, I could've saved him had I known.

    He was as healthy as could be just a little less than a month ago when I last visited him and took pictures. Those are in my cellphone, the last I have of him alive. And happy, so happy I came to visit, though I didn't linger long, I couldn't.

    I mostly took this job to get money for him, for food, for medical care.
    For medical care I couldn't give him because I didn't know.

    On that last visit I gave him some dog treats I bought. I told my little sister to give him one each day, I don't even know if she remembered.

    I think he was sleeping, sort of, coma or whatever, when he drew his last breath. He probably just lay down to rest and didn't wake up. And he won't.

    And I still have to go to work every day, ask them how much they want to get and fuel their cars. I had to last night, after a fitful 3 hour sleep between shifts. After seeing him for the last time.
    I thought I'd take him to the vet and maybe leave him there for care and then get back for the night shift. I was too late. I was told too late.

    I collected whatever hairs of his I could pull out of my cloths and put them in a little air-tight plastic bag. This and his pictures are all that I have left now.

    The city took his body somewhere, I don't know where, I would never find out, probably for the better, as I can imagine how unceremonially they dumped him, another haunch of meat for them.

    I didn't get to see him much since September 2008, when I moved in to my neighboors' house to taske care of their dog and cat, and then almost not at all when I moved away in November that year. Maybe once a month.
    I visited him maybe 3-4 times before he died. And only briefly too.
    And now I can't anymore.

    Sleep, my love, and have nice dreams.
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    In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.

    I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
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    Postby inhuien » 09 Feb 2009 11:15

    Orald, for your own good and peace of mind try not to burden yourself overly with regrets to things you did or didn’t do. Remember the joy.
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    Postby Eyes High » 09 Feb 2009 12:36

    I am so sorry Orald. I wish I had the words that could help ease some of the pain. But all I have is what Inhuien and Baraka have already said. Don't dwell on the regrets, remember the joy, the good times, the years of faithful compainionship. Think of how he is no longer in pain. Try to forgive your parents for not notifying you sooner.

    I grieve for your lost. I wish I knew the right words to say. Once again, I am sorry Orald.
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    Postby SandChigger » 09 Feb 2009 15:56

    :(
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    Postby Omphalos » 09 Feb 2009 16:14

    Sorry to hear that Orald. I recently lost my dog of 21 years, Fox. I loved that little girl like nobody's business. She was family and I still miss her all the time. I hope you get OK soon.
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    Postby dunepunk » 09 Feb 2009 16:39

    Can't say how sorry I am for your loss Orald. I remember when my first dog died and it tore me up. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up about it.
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    Postby GamePlayer » 09 Feb 2009 16:47

    An unfortunate loss. Hope you feel better soon.
    "They can chew you up, but they gotta spit you out."
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    Postby Nekhrun » 09 Feb 2009 18:00

    Sorry to hear that.
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    Postby A Thing of Eternity » 09 Feb 2009 18:40

    Man, that's the saddest bloody thing I've read in ages. Condolences.
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    Postby Mandy » 09 Feb 2009 19:34

    Love you, Orald. :cry:
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    Postby Robspierre » 10 Feb 2009 00:55

    My condolences Orald, treasure the good times.

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    Postby SandRider » 10 Feb 2009 05:20

    A Thing of Eternity wrote:Man, that's the saddest bloody thing I've read in ages. Condolences.


    see, that's what thought when I read it right after you posted it,
    and I had no idea what to say ...
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    Postby Drunken Idaho » 10 Feb 2009 14:45

    Sad story, orald. You have my sympathy.

    Not to long ago, my friend's rat died. He really liked that rat (they make awesome pets) so he was pretty broken up about it. So he decides instead of burying him, to cremate him in the woods. He then goes to a nearby trail, finds a little mini-trail off into the bush, and prepares a pyre. He places the rat inside, covers it, and begins the cremation. Shortly thereafter, a man walking a dog walks by and tells my friend that he can't have a fire there without a permit. My friend disregards this, as he's more concerned about honoring his dead rat. The man with the dog must have called the police, because later three police officers showed up, two of which said virtually nothing the whole time while the other acted like the jock asshole from high school that I'm sure he was. He forced my friend to put out the fire and at first my friend refused because the rat wasn't done yet, but the guy stuffed some of the paper my friend had lying around for kindling down my friend's shirt, and forced him to extinguish the fire, even though there was still a half-charred corpse of a rat inside. The cop proceeded to act like douche, whipping my friend's pop can into the forest like a show-off, then they cuffed him and still the cop was ordering my friend to pick up his trash (the kindling) to which my friend replied "I can't, you've handcuffed me." So they put him in the back of a cruiser, and take him to a mental hospital because the cop thought my friend was insane. They had a doctor talk to him, who almost immediately determined that my friend wasn't mentally handicapped in any way, and then they brought him home with some kind of notice for a fine. Then, my friend returned to the woods to complete the cremation.

    True story.
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    Postby trang » 10 Feb 2009 20:20

    Very sorry for your loss Orald, condolances.

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    Postby orald » 12 Feb 2009 02:44

    I asked my mother briefly after a few hours what they've done with his body.
    She told me she asked the vet about it and was told it could be buried by them for a fee of 550 NIS. She then asked the city call center and they said they'd do it for free, to which she of course agreed.
    She also told me she asked to change the status on his license so she wouldn't have to pay the money(which is only sent around June anyway, and which I pay myself, not her).

    So in short, some garbage worker dumped his body somewhere I don't know, and hurting as it is, I'd rather not know. I couldn't bear to mourn on his grave(if the authorities even allow something like that here, I don't think there are any pet cemeteries around here).

    I've managed not to cry(several close calls though, unless you "misty eyed" fits it as well, and I've threatened to hit a cab driver on the head if he ever tells me he was "just a dog") yesterday, but it's still very touchy.

    I don't think I'll ever return to that appartment again, only painful and evil memories(and people) lurk there.
    In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.

    I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
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    Postby chanilover » 12 Feb 2009 05:30

    That's really sad. RIP Orald's dog.
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    Postby Mahnmut » 15 Feb 2009 16:51

    My sincerest condolences on your lose Orald.

    In all humblenees may I suggest you cry all you want, don't hold it in. A cry of sorrow now, in time, will turn into cries of joy at the rememberence of the good friend you shared so much of your life with.
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    Postby Seraphan » 15 Feb 2009 17:19

    I'm sorry orald :cry: , keep your head up, my friend. The theatre of life is ongoing and this isnt the curtain call yet. Hope to see you better.
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    Postby Ampoliros » 15 Feb 2009 22:35

    As Daddy to two fine young pups and the friend of many who have passed I know exactly how you feel. Valentines Day is the birthday of a cat I had who lived almost 20 years.

    Condolences from someone who knows exactly how you feel.
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    Postby Freakzilla » 15 Feb 2009 22:51

    I've learned not to become too close to pets since my cat Bud died about five years ago. It's tough to watch them go when you have a good one.
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    Postby orald » 16 Feb 2009 17:01

    I don't think I can detach so easily, Freak, so I don't know if I'll get a pet in the future. It's too early to think about it seriously, anyway.
    If I know I'll endure such madness then it becomes too frightening to even ponder.
    I won't lie, I came close to comitting suicide(though I'd say that from most people's perspective I'm already living uncomfortablly too close to that line). I mainly put it off for technical reasons that arose(there's nothing worse than leaving the job half done).


    I feel better now, but only because I push the thoughts away when they arise.

    So I'll stop talking about it, or at least minimize it.
    In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.

    I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
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    Postby Eyes High » 16 Feb 2009 19:29

    Orald, PLEASE be careful and take care of yourself.
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    Postby Freakzilla » 16 Feb 2009 20:14

    Don't think it didn't take me a long time, and we have had other pets since but none have been mine. I still enjoy other animals company (especially when it's cold :wink: Too soon?) I just don't want to get attached and see them go.

    But that's the cost of living life Orald.

    It is better to have loved and lost...
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    Postby orald » 17 Feb 2009 03:44

    Yes, I still pet dogs.
    In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.

    I wish I could have been with you that one last time.
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    Postby chanilover » 17 Feb 2009 09:21

    Maybe one day you'll feel ready to love another dog, Orald, even though it won't take the place of the one who just died.
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