Excerpts from "Heroes of Dune" Trilogy (joke)
Posted: 31 May 2008 16:25
Paul of Dune
A blind Fremen walks into the desert alone, a small cadre of Jacurutu men behind him. With prescient vision fading, the last of it he used to see the water-stealers, the Jacurutu, following him, the blind Fremen looked for a reprieve.
Suddenly he was alone when a giant snadworm jumped out of the sand and tried to bite him. Using one of the many tricks taught to him by Duncan Idaho, Paul-Muad'Dib flipped to the right, jumped into the air, drew his lasgun and fired into the beast's eye, pivoted to the left, and landed on the sadworm's back. Paul could not help but think of himself as the Man in Black.
The incessant smell of spice, secreated from Shai-Hulud's anus, brought back long-forgotten memories. Though blind, Paul could see his past: his mother Jessica, bound concubine of Duke Leto Atreides, had once found a young Paul acting the part the Bene Gesserit had wanted him to play-- the only time he consciously did this.
There was reason why Thufir, Gurney, and Duncan were my only playmates as a child, Paul recalled. Mother would only have me learn from the best: Duncan "The Man" Idaho. Chani had been pleased with the lessons Paul-Muad'dib had learned from Swordmaster Idaho.
Irulan of Dune
It has been stipulated that Emperor Paul-Muad'Dib is a cross-dresser. There is no truth to this statement. The hidden comeyes in his master bedroom relay signals to the personal holographic systems in my bath house; this rumor is merely propaganda from the Emperor's enemies.
In The Muad'Dib's Jihad news, House Ordos is now allied with the Emperor. Yippie kay yay!
~Irulan Corrino's address to the Fedaykin Death Commandos on Paul-Muad'Dib's 20th birthday
Jessica of Dune
When Paul was three I found him wearing lingerie I was planning to wear for my Duke. I asked him: "How can this be?" and he answered: "For I am the Kwisatz Haderach!" I was proud since these were the first words Paul ever spoke, but now I knew for certain that my Paul was a special boy. I brought him to Duncan's room while he was busy "training" a young maidservant in the Art of Sword-Handling. My Paul shall be the best!
~private letter from Jessica to RM Gaius Mohiam
Leto of Dune
Leto II had just woken up from a night of partying. Yesterday was his 11th birthday. His shaitan was aching to release the spice-beer from the night before. While no one was looking Leto wrote his name in piss below the window where Alia had jumped out of four years prior. Ghani found him and laughed.
"Your 'golden path?'" she teased.
"Yes, sister. I dedicate it to Erasmus, my favorite Tranny of Dune."
"Shh! I thought we weren't going to talk about 'Your-Ass-Much' after what happened last time. You know, when you made that poop joke."
"Ah, yes, that was a pretty clever joke," Leto II said. He scowled. "I wouldn't want anyone to think he was in the notes."
Because they are preborn twins, their T-P is good. Just as Ghani thought Cue mysterious music, Leto whipped out his baliset and started jamming.
Picture yourself in a ship on a planet,
With tranny robots and flowmetal skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite loudly,
A normacle with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane quizara of black and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with blue in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Ah... Ah...
Picture yourself on a worm in a desert,
Without any heroes with stone burned eyes,
Suddenly someone is there at the coracle,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Ah... Ah...
Ghani almost died from her bitter-tasting laughter. Just then, Sabiha entered the chamber and it took all of Leto's prescience to keep his "lasgun" from exploding as it came in contact with Sabiha's "shield." Ghani snickered at the expert control of Leto's muscles. He was always the stronger, she mused.
---
I was bored this week at work and for some reason this is what I came up with. Enjoy
A blind Fremen walks into the desert alone, a small cadre of Jacurutu men behind him. With prescient vision fading, the last of it he used to see the water-stealers, the Jacurutu, following him, the blind Fremen looked for a reprieve.
Suddenly he was alone when a giant snadworm jumped out of the sand and tried to bite him. Using one of the many tricks taught to him by Duncan Idaho, Paul-Muad'Dib flipped to the right, jumped into the air, drew his lasgun and fired into the beast's eye, pivoted to the left, and landed on the sadworm's back. Paul could not help but think of himself as the Man in Black.
The incessant smell of spice, secreated from Shai-Hulud's anus, brought back long-forgotten memories. Though blind, Paul could see his past: his mother Jessica, bound concubine of Duke Leto Atreides, had once found a young Paul acting the part the Bene Gesserit had wanted him to play-- the only time he consciously did this.
There was reason why Thufir, Gurney, and Duncan were my only playmates as a child, Paul recalled. Mother would only have me learn from the best: Duncan "The Man" Idaho. Chani had been pleased with the lessons Paul-Muad'dib had learned from Swordmaster Idaho.
Irulan of Dune
It has been stipulated that Emperor Paul-Muad'Dib is a cross-dresser. There is no truth to this statement. The hidden comeyes in his master bedroom relay signals to the personal holographic systems in my bath house; this rumor is merely propaganda from the Emperor's enemies.
In The Muad'Dib's Jihad news, House Ordos is now allied with the Emperor. Yippie kay yay!
~Irulan Corrino's address to the Fedaykin Death Commandos on Paul-Muad'Dib's 20th birthday
Jessica of Dune
When Paul was three I found him wearing lingerie I was planning to wear for my Duke. I asked him: "How can this be?" and he answered: "For I am the Kwisatz Haderach!" I was proud since these were the first words Paul ever spoke, but now I knew for certain that my Paul was a special boy. I brought him to Duncan's room while he was busy "training" a young maidservant in the Art of Sword-Handling. My Paul shall be the best!
~private letter from Jessica to RM Gaius Mohiam
Leto of Dune
Leto II had just woken up from a night of partying. Yesterday was his 11th birthday. His shaitan was aching to release the spice-beer from the night before. While no one was looking Leto wrote his name in piss below the window where Alia had jumped out of four years prior. Ghani found him and laughed.
"Your 'golden path?'" she teased.
"Yes, sister. I dedicate it to Erasmus, my favorite Tranny of Dune."
"Shh! I thought we weren't going to talk about 'Your-Ass-Much' after what happened last time. You know, when you made that poop joke."
"Ah, yes, that was a pretty clever joke," Leto II said. He scowled. "I wouldn't want anyone to think he was in the notes."
Because they are preborn twins, their T-P is good. Just as Ghani thought Cue mysterious music, Leto whipped out his baliset and started jamming.
Picture yourself in a ship on a planet,
With tranny robots and flowmetal skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite loudly,
A normacle with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane quizara of black and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with blue in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Ah... Ah...
Picture yourself on a worm in a desert,
Without any heroes with stone burned eyes,
Suddenly someone is there at the coracle,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Norma in the sky with Guildships
Ah... Ah...
Ghani almost died from her bitter-tasting laughter. Just then, Sabiha entered the chamber and it took all of Leto's prescience to keep his "lasgun" from exploding as it came in contact with Sabiha's "shield." Ghani snickered at the expert control of Leto's muscles. He was always the stronger, she mused.
---
I was bored this week at work and for some reason this is what I came up with. Enjoy