Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)


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SandChigger
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Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by SandChigger »

If I remember correctly this bit from Hunters of Dune was a big hit with a lot of people.
In the intervening years, Hellica had continued to enjoy young Vladimir Harkonnen. They were birds of a feather. Uxtal found it chilling to hear the seven-year-old boy and the Matre Superior laugh together as they discussed people who didn't deserve to live anymore, choosing victims for the torture laboratories.

The treacherous little boy reported constantly to the pretender queen, informing her of purported mistakes or indiscretions committed by laboratory assistants. Uxtal had lost many of his best helpers that way, and the scheming child fully comprehended the power he held. Uxtal could barely master his own terror in the ghola's presence. Though only a child, Vladimir was nearly the same size as the diminutive Tleilaxu.

Unexpectedly, though, Uxtal had managed to endear himself to the ghola in a way that had the benefit of driving a wedge between the boy and Hellica. As a Tleilaxu, he had many personal habits that outsiders considered revolting, such as his proclivity to emit coarse bodily noises. Seeing the Baron's delight in such grossness, Uxtal began to embellish his own habits around the child, which gave the two of them a peculiar bond.

Miffed at Vladimir's fickle attentions and showing no more maturity than the child ghola, Hellica had stopped associating with the boy. She reacted with haughty indifference when the Guildship came to take Uxtal and the ghola away to Dan. But the anxious researcher knew she would be there waiting when he returned....

AFTER A foldspace journey, the Tleilaxu and his charge rode a shuttle down to the watery planet. En route they played a private game, competing with one another to see who could be the most disgusting, to see if they could get a reaction out of the bland and stony Face Dancers accompanying them. Vladimir, with an amazing repertoire of scatological talents, made more revolting sounds and noxious odors than anyone Uxtal had ever encountered. After each display, the cherubic boy grinned fiercely.

Uxtal conceded defeat, knowing it was safer to lose to a Harkonnen than to win, even without Matre Superior Hellica leering over their shoulders.
Please consider the above in the proper context:

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING DUNE BOOK, THE FIRST HALF OF "DUNE 7", THE CULMINATION TO FRANK HERBERT'S DUNE SERIES.

AND THEY'RE FARTING.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Unfront »

My sentiments exactly. Fart jokes in the Dune universe. After reading all six FH novels in succession, I just could not believe my eyes; however, after considering what I had read in Legends and House, it did not suprise me.

There were two instances where Frank came close to anything scatological. 1. A sentence in Children of Dune where (paraphrasing) "Alia took her morning toilette". That does not necessarily mean that she took a dump. It just means that she spent time in the bathroom. She could have been brushing her teath, puting on makeup, washing her face, combing her hair... Yes, most likely she pinched one off, but Frank was not explicit in that. He left that up to the imagination! 2. When Miles Teg was hooked up to the T probe and they were doing things to his mind. (paraphrasing again) "They could make him blink, flinch, burp, fart.. " Both instances were not meant to be gags. They were part of the realism of the story.

Sure, we all know that little kids have a fixation with bodily functions, but to have it written into the story just for comic releaf is beyond the pale.

Here in Hunters, we have FART games! For some reason, I think this scene was a Bobo concoction. I am not sure why. All I know is that this little gem reveals Keith and Bobo's childish behavior. These guys are in their 50's(?) and this is what they can come up with! Thanks for self identifying guys. F (for FART)
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by TheDukester »

Unfront wrote:For some reason, I think this scene was a Bobo concoction.
So do I.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Aquila ka-Hecate »

Hunters is the only preeq book I've read, and it was so forgettable that I don't even remember that bit.

Sigh. What a couple of nine year olds these men of my own age are.

Just an aside with respect to the "Alia took her morning toilette" - I have never read it as even necessitating being in a bathroom. It may be my age or my background, but to me "making the toilette" has always meant cleansing the face, brushing the hair, maybe putting on makeup, that sort of thing.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by SadisticCynic »

Aquila ka-Hecate wrote:Hunters is the only preeq book I've read, and it was so forgettable that I don't even remember that bit.

Sigh. What a couple of nine year olds these men of my own age are.

Just an aside with respect to the "Alia took her morning toilette" - I have never read it as even necessitating being in a bathroom. It may be my age or my background, but to me "making the toilette" has always meant cleansing the face, brushing the hair, maybe putting on makeup, that sort of thing.
I remember checking this in a dictionary at the time, that's what it claimed it meant.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by lotek »

Body functions are FUNNY!
well they usually are, but these idiots can't even make it funny, it's just ridiculous!



Now that is funny !
In fact, it kinda looks like one of those brainstorming sessions they rave about.
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Post by lotek »

In French, "to do one's toilette" "faire sa toilette" means a good clean up, usually before going to bed but not necessarily.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by DuneFishUK »

lotek wrote:In French, "to do one's toilette" "faire sa toilette" means a good clean up, usually before going to bed but not necessarily.
On trains in ye olden days they had 2 separate compartments - you did you business in the lavatory then washed your hands in the toilet.

I posted in the most recent welcome thread that these things were impossible to take seriously - case in point. WTFart?
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Unfront »

Aquila ka-Hecate wrote:[Just an aside with respect to the "Alia took her morning toilette" - I have never read it as even necessitating being in a bathroom. It may be my age or my background, but to me "making the toilette" has always meant cleansing the face, brushing the hair, maybe putting on makeup, that sort of thing.

As I said in my original post, puting on makeup, washing her face, combing her hair... .... Most women I know tend to do that sort of thing in the bathroom, but I digress as I forget - women don't poop!
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by SandChigger »

Which final word prompts me to ask, does anybody need or want to see the "Poop Soup du Jour" chapter from House Corrino again? If I remember correctly it's one of chanilover's favorites. ;)
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Tleszer »

Must not... make... eye contact...
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by merkin muffley »

Horrible.

Not only is this farting contest totally out of place, it's also incredibly NOT funny the way it's told. It's like somebody describing a joke instead of telling it, and getting it completely wrong.

Everything these guys write leaves you, at best, feeling that you probably had to be there to get it, because the storyteller has utterly failed to convey what was interesting, or exciting, or humorous about what was going on.

And, yeah, "Alia took her morning toilette" definitely does not mean she was taking a shit. :lol:
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Shaitan »

SandChigger wrote:THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING DUNE BOOK, THE FIRST HALF OF "DUNE 7", THE CULMINATION TO FRANK HERBERT'S DUNE SERIES.

AND THEY'RE FARTING.
Of course KJA et al would respond with the defense that this is to establish that even young, even in a different life under very different circumstances, long before any sort of bloat from disease or abuse of his own body began, the ol' Baron was still a disgusting homo with an anal fetish.

Oh, the subtlety. Not to mention the originality. You know, our Vladimir Harkonnen clone could at least display a little originality, something other than just the simple striving to avoid the mistakes of his original self while of course failing miserably....
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Shaitan »

SandChigger wrote:Which final word prompts me to ask, does anybody need or want to see the "Poop Soup du Jour" chapter from House Corrino again? If I remember correctly it's one of chanilover's favorites. ;)
Lay the proverbial shit on me, brother.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Hunchback Jack »

Shaitan wrote:Of course KJA et al would respond with the defense that this is to establish that even young, even in a different life under very different circumstances, long before any sort of bloat from disease or abuse of his own body began, the ol' Baron was still a disgusting homo with an anal fetish.
Oh, I'm sure it was in the original FH outline for Dune 7. I can just imagine it:

"
BG corrupted by HM; Murbella resists?

Jews on no-ship -> democratic influence on Sheeana cult.

*Must* have farting contest. Child Baron ghola? Hilarious!
"

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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by SandChigger »

TheDukester wrote:
Unfront wrote:For some reason, I think this scene was a Bobo concoction.
So do I.
merkin muffley wrote:Not only is this farting contest totally out of place, it's also incredibly NOT funny the way it's told. It's like somebody describing a joke instead of telling it, and getting it completely wrong.
Has anyone ever seen any of BoBo's joke books?

I mean, the ones that were intended to be jokes, or comedic, like the collection of amusing insurance anecdotes he supposedly put together while he was an agent? (Anyone even know the title? None of that stuff is listed on his Wikipedia page. I'll get the bibliography at the back of Dreamer later.)

I don't now why, but I associate the potty humor with BoBo, too. Although the next post I have in the chute doubtless has a lot of Kevin in it, too. (He's the stuff looks like corn.)
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by merkin muffley »

"Incredible Insurance Claims" and "Classic Comebacks" by Brian Herbert?

Why the fuck is he writing Dune books again?????? :angry-screaming:
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Post by SandChigger »

Yeah, that's them! :D

Guess what: found them on Amazon.uk! :P
Classic Comebacks £22.99
Paperback
Publisher: PSS Adult (31 Jan 1981)
Language English
ISBN-10: 0843106913
ISBN-13: 978-0843106916
Product Dimensions: 50.8 x 50.8 x 50.8 cm
Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item

Incredible Insurance Claims £11.95
Paperback: 64 pages
Publisher: Putnam Publishing Group (1 Mar 1982)
ISBN-10: 0843103094
ISBN-13: 978-0843103090
Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item
Eleven pounds for 64 pages?! And Comebacks is even more?! And what's with the dimensions? A humor cube?! :shock:

Wikipedia entry updated. :twisted:
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by Freakzilla »

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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by D Pope »

SandChigger wrote:Yeah, that's them! :D

Guess what: found them on Amazon.uk! :P
Classic Comebacks £22.99
Paperback
Publisher: PSS Adult (31 Jan 1981)
Language English
ISBN-10: 0843106913
ISBN-13: 978-0843106916
Product Dimensions: 50.8 x 50.8 x 50.8 cm
Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item

Incredible Insurance Claims £11.95
Paperback: 64 pages
Publisher: Putnam Publishing Group (1 Mar 1982)
ISBN-10: 0843103094
ISBN-13: 978-0843103090
Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item
Eleven pounds for 64 pages?! And Comebacks is even more?! And what's with the dimensions? A humor cube?! :shock:

Wikipedia entry updated. :twisted:

Available from these sellers. http://www.amazon.com/Classic-Comebacks ... 0843106913" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
8 used from $0.38
Shipping Weight: 20 pounds
I must admit to a little curiosity...
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by SandChigger »

D Pope wrote:Shipping Weight: 20 pounds
I must admit to a little curiosity...
WTF?! :shock:

Too weird. :lol:
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by MrFlibble »

Back to the original topic, I must say WOW. This is really a new low to me. There have been more than plenty Dethroning Moments of Suck in their writings, but this one surpasses them all. It's spectacularly dumb, totally unfunny and completely moronic. And it perfectly shows how the original books get a "creative interpretation" by the duo:

Q: In the original books, it is said that the Tleilaxu are repulsive. Would you please elaborate on that?
KJA: Well... they fart all the time.
BH: Yeah. That's what they do.
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Re: Body functions are FUNNY! (BAD WRITING SERIES)

Post by merkin muffley »

:lol: The stinky Tleilaxu.
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