Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

there's no way Keith and the other guy have even begun
to think about how they're going to dig themselves out of
the holes they've dug already, so maybe if we start tossing
out ideas for the next mcDune fail, they'll pick them up ....

then we can sue for co-authorship !

Thrown of Dune, Hiking draft:

Duncan and Gurney will be dispatched to the Bene Tleilaxu homeworld Bangadong after they receive several strange bills for massive amounts connected to Shaddam's bank accounts. The Tleilaxu, who are now skinny and 8 feet tall, tell Gurney that the ghola army will be ready soon. Gurney pretends to know what they are talking about and asks to see the troops. He cries when he sees that the Tleilaxu have even re-animated his beloved hunting dogs. As he is leaving, Gurney has a sword and lasgun fight all through the Tleilaxu city with Rheinvar the Magnificent. Rheinvar's power armor is damaged and he barely escapes with his "son" Paulbo Fet in his personal mini-heighliner.

Gurney tracks them to Salusa Secundus where he is captured and thrown into the Salusa Slave pit, which it much worse than the Geidi Prime pit. Duncan and Alia come to rescue him, but are captured. They fight 3 Big Alien Monsters and escape the pit when 3-year old Leto arrives with Stilgar and the Fremen Legions. The Ghola army is massacred by the Fremen, which horrifies Shaddam. He shoots ghola-Anirul in the head and then kills himself. The Fremen drag his body out into the streets, push it into a ditch, cover it in petrol and set it on fire.

Fenring, Rheinvar, Paulbo, and Ghola-Marie are mysteriously teleported away by some kind of AMAZING NEUTRON NET. Leto secretly transforms into a full-grown worm (He literally says "Worm On!" to do this) and kills a lot of Gholas, but doesn't tell anyone that he was the worm because he's afraid they might think that he's a KH. The Fremen see it as a sign of Muad'dib's divinity that a Worm appeared when they didn't bring one with them, before the loot and rape and pillage all the major cities on Salusa.

It ends with Alia announcing that she is pregnant, but ghola-marie appears out of no where and stabs Alia in the belly killing her child. The blade was tipped with a special chemical crystal telepathy poison which connects Alia to the ghola-Baron that is being grown by Marty and Daniel, 10,00 Light Years away on the edge of the universe (KJA retcons that Arrakiss is actually very close to the edge of the universe and that's how the drone got there so fast).

Seriously ... you're going to need therapy after all this is over.

Dude, that was brilliant.

Terrifying, but brilliant.

HBJ

I don't see how that 'parody' of a KJA outline
is in any way more extravagant or unbelievable
than the actual outline will be.

therein lies the basic problem, chilluns ...

Parody? what parody?

So... Shaddam's new soldiers are personality-less, re-animated- but still seriously messed up from when they were killed- corpses wearing mismatching uniforms? Sounds pretty familiar to me.

My gawd, that's ... my freshman class on Wednesday mornings!

othaderak wrote:So... Shaddam's new soldiers are personality-less, re-animated- but still seriously messed up from when they were killed- corpses wearing mismatching uniforms? Sounds pretty familiar to me.

Robert Kirkman. Ahhhhhhhhh. Thanks.

Ampoliros wrote: Pg 436 This part pretty much sums KJA up:
“AS THE CROWDS began to disperse following the execution spectacle, a commotion erupted in the streets. With great fanfare, a troupe of acrobats began bounding and pirouetting, using suspensor belts to fly high in the air and perform tricks…"Jongleurs!" someone called…At the front strutted an elegant man in an amazingly white outfit. He stood tall, raised one hand, and shouted: "I am Rheinvar the Magnificent, and we have come to perform for you in honor of Paul-Muad'Dib!" With a gracious gesture, he extended both hands toward the platform. "And of course, to honor the Regent Alia, the Princess Irulan, and the lovely Lady Jessica."…The dignitaries remained to watch as the Jongleurs completed their show. Then Alia directed her priests to pay them handsomely.”

OMG, that is awful. Clowns of Dune.

Last month I read Dune - Messiah. Then I read PoD and now your WoD summary. The difference in 'writing'-style is shocking.
It's as if you've been watching a deep SF-movie like Solaris or 2001, and then you have to sit through something like this: (especially 1:15-1:18)

Hey man! Ain't nothin' wrong wit Galaxy Quest!

Never give up, Never surrender!!!!By Grabthar's hammer, you shall be avenged!!!

The sad thing is, the makers of Galaxy quest tried very hard to make it as bad as possible. And they succeeded!!!
KJA & BH on the other hand tried to do the exact opposite and still ended up with the same result.

Galaxy Quest is awesome. Its the best bad movie that totally needs a sequel.

Hey, I didn't say Galaxy Quest is a bad movie, the fake tv-series it is based on was bad (the youtube clip).

dunaddict wrote:

Ampoliros wrote: Pg 436 This part pretty much sums KJA up:
“AS THE CROWDS began to disperse following the execution spectacle, a commotion erupted in the streets. With great fanfare, a troupe of acrobats began bounding and pirouetting, using suspensor belts to fly high in the air and perform tricks…"Jongleurs!" someone called…At the front strutted an elegant man in an amazingly white outfit. He stood tall, raised one hand, and shouted: "I am Rheinvar the Magnificent, and we have come to perform for you in honor of Paul-Muad'Dib!" With a gracious gesture, he extended both hands toward the platform. "And of course, to honor the Regent Alia, the Princess Irulan, and the lovely Lady Jessica."…The dignitaries remained to watch as the Jongleurs completed their show. Then Alia directed her priests to pay them handsomely.”

OMG, that is awful. Clowns of Dune.

Last month I read Dune - Messiah. Then I read PoD and now your WoD summary. The difference in 'writing'-style is shocking.
It's as if you've been watching a deep SF-movie like Solaris or 2001, and then you have to sit through something like this: (especially 1:15-1:18)

Horrible writing. Keith tells and tells and tells but doesn't "show" anything. "Amazingly white outfit." WTF? "With great fanfare."

It reads like the narrator from Monty Python's Holy Grail:

NARRATOR: And so Arthur and Bedemir and Sir Robin set out on their
search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24.
Beyond the forest they met Launcelot and Galahad, and there was much
rejoicing.
ALL: Yay! Yay!
NARRATOR: In the frozen land of Nador they were forced to eat Robin's
minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.
ALL: Yay!
NARRATOR: A year passed. Winter changed into Spring. Spring changed
into Summer. Summer changed back into Winter. And Winter gave Spring
and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn. Until one day...

That's not a bad comparison at all.

I've been calling Keith an "A-to-B writer" for years now. You know: first A happens, then B, then C ... and on and on. It's just a chronological list of events, held together by a thin strand of alleged "plot." He makes no attempts at all toward things like character development, pace (he only has the one speed), nuance, or suggestion. Nor, frankly, is there any evidence that he has the skill to pull off any of those things.

He's a Lowest Common Denominator writer. And SF fandom is full of LCDs; they are effing everywhere. That and completists — those are the reasons that his McDune crap is selling any copies at all. Everyone with a functioning brain jumped ship a long time ago.

TheDukester wrote:That and completists — those are the reasons that his McDune crap is selling any copies at all. Everyone with a functioning brain jumped ship a long time ago.

I picked up a copy of Battle of Corrin yesterday - it's the last one I didn't have

...But it was from a charity shop, so at least someone benefited from these monstrosities. And it is best to keep these things off the streets - you've seen what happens when kids get hold of them


(They also had an ARC of House Atreides (tagline something like: "See how the feud began" ) but I have better uses for money...)

Amp wrote:Pg 179 Nice Face Dancer tells Paul there will be an assassination at the Play. Paul tells this to…no one.

Not true Amp. Paul DID tell his daddy. But everyone thought there was enough security at the play already, so they didn't do anything about it. Great job, security!!!

NICE face dancer? WTF?

dunaddict wrote: It's as if you've been watching a deep SF-movie like Solaris or 2001, and then you have to sit through something like this: (especially 1:15-1:18)

Galaxy Quest rules, particularly 1:15-1:18.

(But, I know, you're saying that it's like KJA makes stuff like that, but not as a parody).

That hiking outline is awesome.

Freakzilla wrote:NICE face dancer? WTF?

Hey, come on! Face Dancers are people, too! ... Sort of.