Terrib El Cognito
Posted: 01 Apr 2009 14:52
~ Chapter One ~
The mist drifting from the gaping vagina of the now-dead sea monster, floating belly-up amidst the fog,
sent a chill up the spine of Admiral Kevin James Blanderson, despite its warmth. His knuckles were still
white from gripping the railing of the deck during the battle with the beast. He took a deep breath of
the pungent fog.
A furious battle it had been. His ship was the last left a-float of Admiral Kevin's Ultra-Armada,
and had been lovingly christened The Peart. The Ultra-Armada had left the mainland as the most IMMENSE
fleet ever dispatched by Queen Norma, who ultra-ruled a majority of the charted territory known by all
as Terrib El Cognito. The fleet was made up of a thousand HUGE ships, The Peart being the HUGEST of them
all. Now, she lay crippled in the unexplored eastern seas, after finally destroying the monster that had
stalked and tormented the Ultra-Armada since it first entered the Sea of Mystery.
Dismay wrestled with relief within the heart of Admiral Kevin. He was joyous that he could continue his
mission from the Queen to rape and pillage the civilizations of the east for their profitable franchises,
yet devastated that he would no longer have the backing of the finest HUGE Ultra-Armada he had ever been
fortunate enough to command. Now he had only the crew of his own ship.
"It will have to do," He said aloud, into the tape recorder he kept on him at all times.
He glanced down at the men standing at attention below. Those who had not been eaten by the sea-monster,
of course. Each one was a fine example of the perfect officer, privateer, lackey, sex-slave, or whatever
position they held. There was one exception of course. His first mate Brian was a constant distraction and
a hindrance ever since he went insane from drinking the saltwater, not that he wasn't retarded prior to
this. Presently, Brian was on the poop deck, literally pooping.
Admiral Kevin sighed into the tape recorder, and once again feasted his eyes upon the corpse of the
hideous monster they had finally destroyed. Something about the position and the appendages of the thing
reminded the Admiral of his dear wife back home, Lady Rebecca of Mo-Yeasta. Just the thought of her- her
face, her words, day-trips to the spa- got Admirals heart pounding like the hard-driving beat of an epic
rock ballad.
It was at that moment that the Admiral made a personal decision. In a striking moment of originality, and
non-cliches, Kevin made the choice to compose a letter in a bottle for his love. He figured that the odds
of his return to her were perhaps slimmer than the odds of her receiving such a message, so it was worth
his time.
He turned to face his men.
"Scallywags! Despite our grave situation, we will continue our mission from the Queen. We will loot and
ruin all the profitable franchises we come across in the great unexplored eastern lands! Hopefully we
can find some nice hiking grounds while we're at it. Have hope and be merry for we are on a-"
"Kevvie Kevvie!" Brian shouted rudely from the poop deck, "Kevvie, I can't remember my ears!!"
"Shut up Brian... Please just never speak again..." said the Admiral as he wondered how long it would be
until Brian would propose a mutiny. He knew it was a possibility. He had heard the first mate talk in his
sleep, as well as to other crewmen, rather treasonous observations and complaints mostly regarding the
unoriginality of the Admiral.
He continued to address his crew.
"We set sail immediately! To the east!" He retreated to his quarters to begin composing the message that
would some day reach his darling wife.
~
Chapter two coming soon...
The mist drifting from the gaping vagina of the now-dead sea monster, floating belly-up amidst the fog,
sent a chill up the spine of Admiral Kevin James Blanderson, despite its warmth. His knuckles were still
white from gripping the railing of the deck during the battle with the beast. He took a deep breath of
the pungent fog.
A furious battle it had been. His ship was the last left a-float of Admiral Kevin's Ultra-Armada,
and had been lovingly christened The Peart. The Ultra-Armada had left the mainland as the most IMMENSE
fleet ever dispatched by Queen Norma, who ultra-ruled a majority of the charted territory known by all
as Terrib El Cognito. The fleet was made up of a thousand HUGE ships, The Peart being the HUGEST of them
all. Now, she lay crippled in the unexplored eastern seas, after finally destroying the monster that had
stalked and tormented the Ultra-Armada since it first entered the Sea of Mystery.
Dismay wrestled with relief within the heart of Admiral Kevin. He was joyous that he could continue his
mission from the Queen to rape and pillage the civilizations of the east for their profitable franchises,
yet devastated that he would no longer have the backing of the finest HUGE Ultra-Armada he had ever been
fortunate enough to command. Now he had only the crew of his own ship.
"It will have to do," He said aloud, into the tape recorder he kept on him at all times.
He glanced down at the men standing at attention below. Those who had not been eaten by the sea-monster,
of course. Each one was a fine example of the perfect officer, privateer, lackey, sex-slave, or whatever
position they held. There was one exception of course. His first mate Brian was a constant distraction and
a hindrance ever since he went insane from drinking the saltwater, not that he wasn't retarded prior to
this. Presently, Brian was on the poop deck, literally pooping.
Admiral Kevin sighed into the tape recorder, and once again feasted his eyes upon the corpse of the
hideous monster they had finally destroyed. Something about the position and the appendages of the thing
reminded the Admiral of his dear wife back home, Lady Rebecca of Mo-Yeasta. Just the thought of her- her
face, her words, day-trips to the spa- got Admirals heart pounding like the hard-driving beat of an epic
rock ballad.
It was at that moment that the Admiral made a personal decision. In a striking moment of originality, and
non-cliches, Kevin made the choice to compose a letter in a bottle for his love. He figured that the odds
of his return to her were perhaps slimmer than the odds of her receiving such a message, so it was worth
his time.
He turned to face his men.
"Scallywags! Despite our grave situation, we will continue our mission from the Queen. We will loot and
ruin all the profitable franchises we come across in the great unexplored eastern lands! Hopefully we
can find some nice hiking grounds while we're at it. Have hope and be merry for we are on a-"
"Kevvie Kevvie!" Brian shouted rudely from the poop deck, "Kevvie, I can't remember my ears!!"
"Shut up Brian... Please just never speak again..." said the Admiral as he wondered how long it would be
until Brian would propose a mutiny. He knew it was a possibility. He had heard the first mate talk in his
sleep, as well as to other crewmen, rather treasonous observations and complaints mostly regarding the
unoriginality of the Admiral.
He continued to address his crew.
"We set sail immediately! To the east!" He retreated to his quarters to begin composing the message that
would some day reach his darling wife.
~
Chapter two coming soon...