How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

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Freakzilla
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Postby Freakzilla » 23 Jan 2009 16:13

dunaddict wrote:Could have been worse though: Sandworms of Dune, last scene:

Paul Atreides wakes up in his bed on Caladan, bathing in sweat. It was all just a nightmare. The End.


Speaking of Nightmares. Who would have thought back in 1999, when the first prequel was published, that they would fuck up so BADLY.
I mean, it's kind of mind-boggling how someone can write in the Duniverse for ten years and still make mistakes even a casual reader can spot.


I didn't expect FH's prose and would even have tolerated bad writing if their stories had stuck to FH's themes.

As far as nightmares go, this is worse than being in high school naked. Much, much worse.
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
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Postby Sole Man » 23 Jan 2009 16:28

Freakzilla wrote:As far as nightmares go, this is worse than being in high school naked. Much, much worse.


I heard that's okay if you're a girl...and in the boys' locker room.

Sole Man

on Oral sex

Postby Sole Man » 28 Jan 2009 16:32

I mean, she can see the back of her head! Who can compete with that?


I'm sre there's a good blowjob joke i nthere somewhere...

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Postby SandChigger » 28 Jan 2009 20:08

He came in. A man in a black stillsuit with black robes and a black mask that resembled old Arabian dress. He had the blue-within-blue eyes of spice addiction, but that didn't necessarily mean he was a Fremen. He had apparently ridden a worm into 'Keen, but nobody really cared. He kept his mouth filter on at all times. Until he walked into a bar.

He was the Sloe Desert Rider.

It was a dim bar, with several men around the main counter, and smoke in the air. The stranger ignored the others and walked straight to the bar and ordered a spice whiskey. Two or three of the other men kept staring at him.

The bartender brought him his drink, and he removed his mouth filter. The man looked down at the drink for a long moment, then picked it up and drained it in a single gulp.

"Another," he said, so the bartender filled his glass again.

"Haaaaaaaah," the man let out a long rasping sigh after downing the second drink.

"Stranger, you OK?" the bartender asked him. "Something happen to ya?"

"Man...," the man said. "It was amazing. ... I just had my first blowjob."

All the men in earshot thought about that for a minute, then nodded their understanding. The bartender smiled as he poured the man another drink.

"Here, son, this one's on the house," he said. "It'll take more than two to wash the taste away."

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Postby Schu » 28 Jan 2009 20:22

..... :D love it!

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Postby Seraphan » 28 Jan 2009 20:33

SandChigger wrote:He came in. A man in a black stillsuit with black robes and a black mask that resembled old Arabian dress. He had the blue-within-blue eyes of spice addiction, but that didn't necessarily mean he was a Fremen. He had apparently ridden a worm into 'Keen, but nobody really cared. He kept his mouth filter on at all times. Until he walked into a bar.

He was the Sloe Desert Rider.

It was a dim bar, with several men around the main counter, and smoke in the air. The stranger ignored the others and walked straight to the bar and ordered a spice whiskey. Two or three of the other men kept staring at him.

The bartender brought him his drink, and he removed his mouth filter. The man looked down at the drink for a long moment, then picked it up and drained it in a single gulp.

"Another," he said, so the bartender filled his glass again.

"Haaaaaaaah," the man let out a long rasping sigh after downing the second drink.

"Stranger, you OK?" the bartender asked him. "Something happen to ya?"

"Man...," the man said. "It was amazing. ... I just had my first blowjob."

All the men in earshot thought about that for a minute, then nodded their understanding. The bartender smiled as he poured the man another drink.

"Here, son, this one's on the house," he said. "It'll take more than two to wash the taste away."
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Good One!
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Postby Sole Man » 28 Jan 2009 21:47

I'll get you for that one Chig.

I'll make you suffer. I'll make you, and every member on this board suffer through...

...the orginal inspiration for that story.

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Postby Tleszer » 28 Jan 2009 22:32

Great work, Chig! Excellent read.
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Postby SandChigger » 28 Jan 2009 22:53

Well, I only cleaned up the misspellings and grammar and changed the beginning a bit and added a new ending. Sloey's the original artist. :lol:


Just a reminder, Sloey, of why some of us got to like you and used to find you a lot funnier. ;)
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby JustSomeGuy » 17 Jun 2011 23:14

Funny joke.

Now, back on topic. I'm not sure if he would even bother with them, except that, well, everyone needs a little downtime- even a God Emperor, I'm sure. I think that a while into reading one of their books, he would go ape-shit. I mean, he would totally worm-out and start squishing people left and right. Even if there were no people around, can you imagine the destruction? The repair bills? This would keep happening every time he thought of their books- Yes, he would read more than one. Why? Well, just to be sure. Anyway, the memory of their writing would drive him to murder. Long story short, he would burn them amongst their own books. Use your imagination. The End.
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Sandwurm88 » 18 Jun 2011 18:44

I pee on the side of the toilet so it is quieter.

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Nekhrun » 18 Jun 2011 19:43

Sandwurm88 wrote:I pee on the side of the toilet so it is quieter.

You're a smart kid.
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Freakzilla » 18 Jun 2011 22:22

Nekhrun wrote:
Sandwurm88 wrote:I pee on the side of the toilet so it is quieter.

You're a smart kid.

I do that all the time.
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby SandChigger » 19 Jun 2011 08:10

Assuming it's not something any father instructs his son in, we all reinvent the wheel. ;)

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby lotek » 19 Jun 2011 08:13

that joke made me think about waste of moisture, does that mean that Fremen swallow ?
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Freakzilla » 19 Jun 2011 08:13

Me and my wife got into a discussion about it last night, maybe it was inspired by this topic.

We came to the conclusion that it is better to be able to point and shoot.
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Freakzilla » 19 Jun 2011 08:14

lotek wrote:that joke made me think about waste of moisture, does that mean that Fremen swallow ?


When they masturbate, do they recycle it?
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby lotek » 19 Jun 2011 09:42

Freakzilla wrote:Me and my wife got into a discussion about it last night, maybe it was inspired by this topic.


Discussing the disposal of semen in Dune with your spouse ?
Awesome upon awesome :mrgreen:

Freakzilla wrote:
lotek wrote:that joke made me think about waste of moisture, does that mean that Fremen swallow ?


When they masturbate, do they recycle it?


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Spice is the worm's gonads.

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Freakzilla » 19 Jun 2011 18:02

I've thought about this some more.














I don't think they would swallow because of the high salt content.

Semen probably would have a negative impact on body water because it would require water to digest.
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Omphalos » 19 Jun 2011 18:20

Maybe they just jizzed directly into the thigh pouch where urine & feces were processed.

Although, if it was valued for its water content, would that change the economics of prostitution?

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Nekhrun » 19 Jun 2011 18:58

Omphalos wrote:Although, if it was valued for its water content, would that change the economics of prostitution?

You mean like maybe they pay the johns?
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Omphalos » 20 Jun 2011 02:30

Nekhrun wrote:
Omphalos wrote:Although, if it was valued for its water content, would that change the economics of prostitution?

You mean like maybe they pay the johns?


S'what I'm thinking, bra. It'd be a world gone mad.

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby chanilover » 27 Jul 2011 10:55

Force them to read to the end of Dune, which they probably haven't done so far.
Squeeze Combover's manboobs painfully into one of Rebecca's high tensile support bras.
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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby SandChigger » 28 Jul 2011 09:08

:lol: :clap: :clap: :clap:
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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Re: How would God Emperor Leto II execute BH & KJA?

Postby Setzer » 03 Sep 2011 02:24

I imagine he'll go with the "Burn them alive on a bonfire of their own works" approach.


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