Religion (emulation of adults by the child) encysts past mythologies: guesses,
hidden assumptions of trust in the universe, pronouncements made in search of
personal power, all mingled with shreds of enlightenment. And always an
unspoken commandment: Thou shalt not question! We break that commandment daily
in the harnessing of human imagination to our deepest creativity.
-Bene Gesserit Credo
Murbella sits on the practice floor feeling abandoned in a fever dream, as usual after a visit from Mother Superior. She damns Odrade for telling her to be true to herself, she's been taught to cheat her whole life. She wants to be like them, shocked by this feeling, she begins practicing again. She looses concentration and falls. She isn't commited to the Sisterhood yet but she's not sure if she's still an Honored Matre. She can't get Odrade's words out of her mind and thinks she might be sick. Idaho enters and catches her just as she falls. A suk diagnoses her as overstressed and Odrade comes to see her. She tells Murbella that she has to learn how to mesh her decisions with her sensitivity to her limits. Murbella tells Ordrade that she wants to be like her. They leave her to rest, fever gone and she thinks of when she took the Bene Gesserit oath:
I am a Bene Gesserit. I exist only to serve.
I stand in the sacred human presence. As I do now, so should you stand some
day. I pray to your presence that this be so. Let the future remain uncertain
for that is the canvas to receive our desires. Thus the human condition faces
its perpetual tabula rasa. We possess no more than this moment where we
dedicate ourselves continuously to the sacred presence we share and create.
The words had no meaning to her until that moment and Murbella, realizing she was physically and emotionally unprepared for it, begins to cry.
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